


Shackled Salvation

by RyanTyler2294



Series: Caged Within [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Body Modification, Dark, Frotting, M/M, Masturbation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Memory Loss, Mutual Masturbation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shiro (Voltron)-centric, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2019-10-11 07:43:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17442758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyanTyler2294/pseuds/RyanTyler2294
Summary: Becoming free isn't what Shiro thought it would be. Mistrust is putting a rift in the team, and Shiro is having trouble holding it together the more he learns about his past. Ulaz can't be sure if his presence is helping or hurting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> More than a year later and here we are, the sequel to Captive. Thank you for being so patient! Like Captive there are dark themes in this fic but if you’ve read Captive then you know what you're getting into. Also, I started writing this before the later season but I’m not going to change them so I don’t warp my fic.
> 
> There will be a third and final story to wrap this series up. I’m working on it but real life is kind of hectic. I don’t see it taking me as long as this one though. To tide you over there is a supplementary fic That should be done sometime in the summer. It will explain some of the stuff I glossed over. And this fic will be updated about every other week or so I can do final edits on each chapter.
> 
> And with that I bid you happy reading!  
> Enjoy ^^

Being a part of Voltron was surreal. He was sure that once he escaped he would go back to Earth and warn everybody about the galra. But who would have listened? The arm might have been enough to get people to pay a little attention. But he wouldn’t have been surprised if he was detained and held in a mental facility.

It was nice to know that there was something out there that was capable of defeating Zarkon. With any luck, they could go home within a few years, and he could put all this behind him. It would be nice to get to sleep in his own bed again. Not that he remembered enough of his time with the Empire to compare it.

Still, looking out the window at the vast amount of space ahead made him homesick. The only thing that made it feel worth it was the good he’d done since he’d became the Black Paladin. Together he and the others even managed to take down Sendak.

Which was another thing that worried him. Sendak called him Champion. He taunted him and called him a killer, said he belonged to the Empire, to him. Sendak had him tied up and sent Haxus off to do something else. Then Sendak kneeled in front of him and smiled.

“You don’t remember me do you?” His voice was questioning, but sweet like he was concerned.

“Don’t remember what?” Shiro spat. He tried to keep his head high, but something about this guy made him want to run and hide.

“At first I thought you were being cruel, but you don’t remember do you?” Sendak waited, but when there was no answer he stood up. “No matter. When we take you back we can pick up where we left off.”

Shiro didn’t like the sound of that. But Allura’s mice had pulled through, and the rest of the team showed to back him up. Lance needed a pod because he got injured during the initial fight, but other than that the team was fine. They stayed an extra day to help the natives of the planets get back on their feet, but after that, they were off to space.

Pidge started going through the information she found on Sendak’s ship. Some of the files had corrupted because Shiro interrupted the downloading process. He had to pull her away from the control panel and to safety when they were being fired on.

She was looking for information on her family. Sometimes she would ask Shiro what he knew, but up to this point he didn’t know much.

Everything about the abduction felt like it happened a lifetime ago. He couldn’t even recall most of it. But seeing Sendak awakened something in him. His stomach curled in disgust whenever he tried to grasp at what it was. Maybe he had been what Sendak said he was? Maybe that’s why he felt so sick. Yet, he felt like it was something more, something worse.

Things were only confirmed when they ended helped past prisoners of the Empire. They immediately recognized Shiro, called him a monster. They said he hurt Matt in his lust for battle. Shiro vaguely remembers hurting Matt; he vaguely remembers going into a frenzy during battle. He thinks these may be two separate occasions, but he wasn’t sure enough to be able to say if it was one or the other.

There was a touch of mistrust among the group because of it. Keith was sure that he had a good reason for doing whatever it was he did. Pidge was giving him the cold shoulder. He wasn’t upset over that. He understood her being mad at him. Hunk and Lance were apprehensive. And Allura was keeping an eye on him.

When he first explained that he had been a prisoner of the Empire she had been sympathetic. They all had been, but now there was an air of suspicion around him. He overheard them all talking about how they think it’s convenient that he happens to have memory loss. There wasn’t anything he could do to change what they thought, so he left it alone.

It was making it harder when they were trying to form Voltron.

The exercises were ridiculous. He knows that they need to be ready as soon as possible, but they had so much to do. They needed time to figure out the controls and how to pilot. Black Lion was feeding him information so he was learning on the fly, but it was still risky. Besides, this wasn’t working for the others. So far Shiro had been the only one to successfully nose dive blindly with his lion. But he was also the only one to freeze up against the gladiator robot.

He wasn’t sure why, but his mind replaced the robot with the guards from the ship. He couldn’t move. He was terrified that he was going to get recaptured, but he still couldn’t move. Keith had to be the one to stop it for him. But when he was asked if he was okay, he couldn’t explain to them what happened. He couldn't handle it; he doubted that they could.

“Are you sure they didn’t mistake him?” Allura asked Pidge. “They were sure he was the Champion of the Battle Arena?”

“They seemed sure. They said he was undefeated and that he killed many, even wounded his own companion.” Pidge quoted.

“Maybe they got it wrong,” Allura mused. “So far he’s been good with flying and defense, but hand to hand he flops.”

“I’ve seen him fight before though,” Pidge frowned. “He’s strong.”

“Hmm,” Allura couldn’t make sense of it. But the less of a threat Shiro showed that he was, the more the others started to warm up to him. He was supposed to be the leader of this group. He needed them to trust him in order for this to work.

Thus far they’ve liberated a few planets. It was always nice to see the way the people celebrated their new found freedom. They insisted that Voltron stayed for the festivities. After the incident with Sendak, they no longer left the castle doors open. They did still more than welcomed celebrations. It was a short reprieve from all the fighting.

Shiro was always ready to try the local cuisine. Anything was better than the food goo, and honestly, he got the feeling that he had eaten worse. Brightly colored foods and tentacles didn’t scare him. He did find he had trouble eating anything with a slimy texture. It reminded him of the gruel he was served when he was captive. Well, there were a few times when he was given something better.

Which was an odd memory. But then again, all the things he remembers were odd. He could recall the pattern of the guards and how to fight Myzax. He knew Zarkon’s name. But there were times when he would get little flashes of the past. It wasn’t until he first gagged on the food goo that he was flooded with unpleasant memories. Being stuck in a cell, the rancid smell and the constant wailing of dying prisoners.

There was no real warning to these short flashbacks. He was so easily triggered that it was concerning. But he didn’t tell the others, he would find a way to deal with it on his own. Besides, it wasn’t that bad. It would hit him for a second and then recede only leaving an impression. Most of the time he couldn’t even recall what the memory was.

It wasn’t so bad. Being here on the Castle Ship was better than what his last year was like. The only thing that he found frustrating was being on a ship of teenagers. Keith would argue that he’s an adult since he was eighteen, but it wasn’t the same. He couldn’t openly talk to them the same way he could if he had mature company. The closest he had to that was Coran, but he was constantly repairing the ship and Shiro didn’t want to bug him.

It was okay though. Isolation felt normal to him at this point. He preferred to be able to go to his room and do some basic exercise rather than seek company. But the kids wanted to hang out when they could, and it was Shiro’s job to make sure that they were all getting along.

Pidge had movies on her laptop and they liked to project them in the lounge so they could all watch them. Shiro had sat through almost every Disney movie known to man. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out. But he had to be enthusiastic about it.

“We’re about to watch Mulan,” Shiro found Keith in the training room. “You coming?”

Keith looked back at Shiro with what others would call a stoic expression, but Shiro knew how to read him. The look in his eyes said he was feeling what Shiro was feeling. He didn’t want to go. Keith reasons were a little different than his. He didn’t get along so well with the others. He and Lance were at odds and the others seemed to take Lance’s side during an argument and it was leaving a rift in the team. It’s why Shiro thinks this movie night might do them some good. Having common ground could lead to some actual bonding.

“Come on,” Shiro encouraged. “It won’t be as bad as you think. Coran made snacks.”

“I guess,” Keith sighed ending his training session. “But only if you stay awake through this one.”

“I didn’t fall asleep.” Shiro and Keith started towards the lounge.

“I know what you look like when you fall asleep with your eyes open,” Keith huffed.

“I wasn’t asleep.”

“You jumped when I elbowed you.”

“Because I didn’t see it coming. But I wasn’t asleep.”

“Tell me anything.” Keith cut the conversation and fell silent as they entered the room.

“Everyone’s here!” Lance cheered “We can get this party started!”

Shiro took his usual spot on one of the ends of the couch so he could put his arm up. It took the weight of the metal off his shoulder.

“Are you ready to defeat, the Huns?” Hunk asked with a flare of dramatics.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Shiro put his feet up and got comfortable. Keith sat next to him and Pidge was on the other side of the couch. Hunk and Lance took a few cushions to the floor so they could be comfortable. Allura came to join them and squeezed between Keith and Pidge.  
  
Shiro didn’t pay much attention to the movie. But he was monitoring the conversation around it. For once everyone seemed to be getting along. Even Keith jumped into the conversation with enthusiasm at one point. There was a lot of singing. Shiro wasn’t a fan since everyone was off key. A few parts were rewound because they were determined to teach Allura all the songs.

Normally they all dispersed after the movie ended, but today they were still engrossed in conversation. While it was good, it sucked for Shiro. He wanted to go to his room and rest. He hadn’t been sleeping well, so he took time out of the day to lay back and relax.

But they were all talking and comparing stories about back home. He couldn’t walk away. Lance was going on about the troubles of sharing a room and how happy he was to finally have his own space. He was used to his siblings barging in and touching his stuff.

“I never had that problem,” Pidge looked up from her laptop. She was still trying to uncorrupt the files she got from Sendak’s ship.

“Well yeah, you’re the baby of the family. You always get your way. Us middle children get overlooked unless we’re doing something wrong. I don't even get a, ‘Hey, how was your day.’ But let my grades slip and everyone knows.”

“Or you could be the only child,” Hunk said. “All the attention, good or bad is on you. Keith knows what I’m talking about.”

Keith shrugged. He didn’t have any siblings, but he didn’t feel the need to go into his life story.

“What about you Princess?” Lance leered. Shiro thinks that he’s trying to be smooth, but he comes off as creepy. Adding onto that, the attention he was giving her was unwanted, it was no wonder Allura tended to want to avoid him.

“I don’t think it’s much different from what you described. I went to school with other kids around my age. Though I preferred to be outside. Sometimes I would skip lessons and spend my time in the fields.”

“You played hooky?” Keith quirked an eyebrow and smirk.

“I’m not sure what hooky is, but yes I did skip classes. I’m sure everyone did at some point.”

“I couldn’t,” Keith admitted. “I was there on scholarship. The moment I mess up they’d kick me out.”

“You did get kicked out,” Lance deadpanned.

“You got kicked out?” Shiro was paying attention now. “What happened?”

“It’s a long story,” Keith looked away like he was ashamed. “But I was top of the fighter pilots before I had to leave.”

Shiro wasn’t sure how to react. In retrospect, it didn’t matter now. But he also wanted to know why. Keith was a good kid and dedicated to his studies, he couldn’t see him acting out and risking his scholarship.

“But if I hadn’t gotten kicked out I wouldn’t have found the Blue Lion’s signal, and we wouldn’t have found you.”

“He has a point,” Pidge jumped in. “Who knows how long the Garrison would have kept you.”

“I doubt Iverson would let them interrogate me for but so long,” Shiro said.

“If anyone would interrogate you it would be Iverson,” Lance corrected. “He’s a bit of a hard ass.”

“He’s no-nonsense, but he’s an okay guy. He was my mentor when I first started piloting.”

“Really?” Hunk didn’t believe him. “I didn’t take him as the nurturing type.”

“I was his co-pilot,” Shiro confirmed. “My first flight was with him. We went to Mars and he let me keep some of the rocks that we found to commemorate my first mission.”

“That sounds nice. All he ever did was yell at us.” Lance crossed his arms.

“I got yelled at from time to time,” Shiro admitted. “Mostly when I fell asleep in the library after lights out.”

“We got yelled at for everything!” Lance went on. “Lingering in the hallway, taking too long during meal time, talking too loudly, anything he could think of, we got yelled at!”

“That’s his job,” Shiro smirked.

“You don’t get it,” Lance sighed dramatically. “You’ve never been in real trouble anyway.”

“Of course not,” Pidge said. “He and Matt were in the same graduating class. They called him Shiro-Wreck-the-Curve-gane. He said you spent most of your time studying.”

Shiro shrugged. It was no big deal. Everyone always tried to paint him as the bookworm, which, while it wasn’t inaccurate, didn’t mean that he didn’t have fun. He went out with friends, he went to parties. He made sure not to break the rules, and when he did he made sure not to get caught. The point was, that while his studies were important, it wasn’t the only thing he did.

“You don’t have room to talk,” Lance jabbed his finger in Pidge’s direction.

“I wasn’t top of the class.” Pidge pointed out. “That was Keith.”

“What is a curve?” Allura asked, changing the tone of the conversation. “I don’t think you’re using that word in the same context that I would.”

Hunk went on to explain what a curve was, and how it affected everyone’s grade.

“I see,” Allura nodded. But she was preoccupied watching Pidge type away at her computer. “Have you found anything?”

“Nothing yet,” Pidge grumbled. “I don’t know enough about Galran tech yet. But from what I can figure out there are a few files about transport and maps. I also found a mission log and oh…”

“What did you find?” Hunk moved around to the back of the couch so he could see.

“There was this one huge chunk of data that was all one file. I haven’t been able to decode it until recently. It’s a log of numbers that at first I thought were tracking for cargo. But it also has a list of jobs that go with each number. I figured out that they’re prisoner identification numbers.”

Everyone was at attention as she explained it.

“The numbers are used for tracking and it says what job they were assigned and what planet they go to. Better yet,” Pidge smiled looking hopeful. “This one prisoner’s log was so in-depth it was its own file. Prisoner number 117-9875.”

Shiro felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and his breath catch in his throat.

“It’s Shiro’s number,” Pidge confirmed. “There’s a lot in it, but if Shiro’s file is being kept here it means one of these numbers must belong to Matt or Dad. And Matt was injured. There are notes whenever prisoners need medical attention and why. I’m one step closer to finding them.”

“That’s great Katie,” Shiro was happy for her. He wasn’t sure what had happened to the others from his flight, but he did worry about them. Knowing where they were and if they were dead or alive would give him some closure.

“But you know,” She looked up at Shiro over her glasses. “I could finish decoding your file for you. You said you don’t remember much. This could help jog your memory.”

“That’s fine,” Shiro said. “I know finding your family is a priority. And I rather let it come back to me on its own.”

“Alright,” Pidge shrugged.

“You don’t want even the smallest idea?” Hunk asked.

“Things have been coming back to me. I figure it’s only a matter of time before I get everything back.”

“Yeah that’s good and all,” Lance started. “But what if you found out something important while you were there? You could have forgotten vital information.”

“I remember important things when I need to,” Shiro said.

“But it couldn’t hurt to decode it,” Allura added. “We could comb through it for information.”

It sounded like they had already made up their mind. Shiro knew that there wasn’t much of anything in that file but something in the back of his head didn’t want them to look at it. It was an inner voice warning him not to let them see, that they couldn’t know. There was nothing good there. The thought left his stomach twisting. It was as if something was being taken from him and he would be left bare before everyone in humiliation.

But he could quite put his finger on what was bothering him. He couldn’t find the words to say that he was worried about what they would find. That there might be something in that file that would reveal something horrible. That they wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way.

But it was just a prisoner log. It probably only tracked his movements and assignments. Maybe it kept details of his fights and medical procedures.

But even as he nodded and gave them the okay, he couldn’t shake this feeling of nakedness.

It was like before but different. That unnerving feeling that something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

~.~.~.~.~

Shiro’s nightmares can be very lucid. He feels pain from torture, tastes blood in his mouth, hears the screams of the prisoners. He doesn’t jolt awake anymore. His eyes flutter open and his breathing starts to even out once he’s conscious. He’s sweaty and a little shaky. Despite that, he’ll get up do pushups, stretches, anything to get himself moving and take his mind off of things.

He found himself wandering the hallways of the ship when everyone was asleep. The lights were dimmed to give the illusion of night. It was soothing.

He found the observation deck and sat down so he could look out the windows at the stars. He put his feet up and waited for morning to come. If he was lucky he would pass out soon, maybe get an hour more of sleep.

He’s been running on empty for a few days now. He’s not sure how he stays alert and coherent, but it was starting to take its toll. He was exhausted. But even as he slouched into the couch and rested his head, he couldn’t sleep. Something was bothering him, not like before.

It felt like thought was trying to emerge in his mind, a memory. It was important, he knew from the way it tickled in the back of his skull. But the more he tried to focus on it, the harder it became to grasp.

He sighed and closed his eyes hoping that if he relaxed that it would come to him. But all he got were flashes of purple and something chasing him. It jerked him back to reality, but it wasn’t long until his pulse quieted and he started to fall asleep.

~.~.~.~.~

“Found him,” Allura alerted the Paladins. They had all woken up, shared a meal together, and got ready for training.

But Shiro hadn’t shown.

They assumed that he was sleeping in at first, but when they went to his room to check on him he wasn’t there. They all set out to look for him. Allura found him on the observation deck. She wasn’t even sure how he managed to wander out here. She had to send the Paladins directions just for them to find this place.

“He’s asleep,” Lance noted.

“He looks like he’s having a nightmare,” Hunk frowned by the way Shiro’s face scrunched and his leg twitched.

“We should wake him up,” Keith reached his hand out to shake Shiro awake. Before he made contact Shiro’s eyes snapped open and he inhaled sharply. An alien phrase blurting from his lips. For a second he was back with the Empire getting slapped, being freed, and running down the hallway. Then he came back to himself. His body didn’t move but his eyes looked around the room as he realized he was still on the castle ship.

“What happened?” He asked trying to figure out why they were all standing in front of him, tense.

“What’s Ulaz?” Pidge asked. “Is it a planet?”

“What? No, he’s a…” Shiro paused, sitting up straight. It was on the tip of his tongue. Ulaz was a person. No, he was a Galra who…

“Are you okay?” Keith asked gently when Shiro didn’t finish his thought.

“Yeah. Did I oversleep?” He asked, still trying to make sense of that last flashback.

“You didn’t show up for breakfast,” Allura said. “We assumed you were sleeping but when you didn’t show up for training we thought something might be wrong so…”

“Who’s Ulaz?” Pidge interjected. She wasn’t going to let this moment pass. “Is it something important?”

“I’m not sure,” Shiro confessed as he stood up. “It was only a brief memory. It might have just been a dream.”

“With the way you woke up it seemed like it might be more,” Pidge went on.

“If he doesn’t remember then he doesn’t remember,” Keith stepped in.

“How about we do some training?’ Shiro suggested. “That’s why you guys came to get me, right?”

Training went over as well as he thought it would go. His moves were a little sloppy, but it wasn’t bad enough for them to call him on it. Or they decided not to so his dignity could be spared. He was distracted. His head was pounding as a migraine started to creep up on him. He tried to be a part of the post-training conversation. After giving everyone pointers he made a retreat back to his room. He wanted to bury his head under the pillows until everything stopped hurting.

When he got to his room he turned the lights off and climbed into bed. He knew it was soft, but his mind was messing with him. It felt like a cold metal table. And he felt like he was bound, and a light was shining in his face, and no matter how much he struggled he couldn’t break free. And there were Galra in the room hovering over him.

“Don’t put him under,” One of them said. “I want him to feel this.”

But the pain never came. He felt himself getting hazy anyway. Then his cheek stung. Someone had slapped him and was urging him to stay awake. There was a Galra explaining something to him, putting data in his arm and undoing the straps to set him free.

He was telling him how to get out and to meet him again. And while Shiro was on edge, he felt like he could trust this guy, and he knew that they would meet up again and…

He jolted up right.

“That was…” He didn’t have words but he knew he had to tell the others. He had to check his arm, see if it was actually capable of storing data and if the coordinates were there. If they were then that would at least prove that part of the dream was real. His head was still hurting and the lights in the hallway didn’t do him any favors, but he felt like this was urgent. He needed to know, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that Ulaz was waiting for him.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro had a memeory of Ulaz, but the others find it hard to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!   
> Realized I forgot to tag this story as a slow burn...   
> Enjoy

There are coordinates,” Pidge confirmed. She has been going through the data in Shiro’s arm for the better part of an hour. After he told the others what he remembered they had all been skeptical.

“A Galra freed you?” Allura crossed her arms. “I don’t believe it.”

“How else would I have gotten out? It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“You could have fought your way out,” Hunk shrugged. “If you survived the arena for a year, then what're a few guards?”

Shiro didn’t have an answer for that. He got a vague feeling that something happened that had left him cautious of the guards. He knew there was no way he could have gotten out without help. Between the cell and the guards, and the maze of hallways, there was no way he could have done it.

If he said that they would question his memory and why he was only remembering things to prove his point.

“This is real.” Shiro insisted. “We should check it out.”

“We can’t overlook that this may be a trap,” Allura cautioned.

“Why plant coordinates in my arm if it’s a trap,” Shiro questioned.

“Well,” Hunk mused. “It could be an altered memory. That arm needs to connect to your brain to work. The memory could have been planted.”

“Yeah but, why plant a fake memory? There was no chance of me escaping, so there was no point in creating a memory to make me go out to a certain location. I didn’t even know my arm could store data until now.”

“Maybe you forgot it, like everything else,” Lance added in.

“The coordinates could be a fail-safe,” Allura reasoned. “They didn’t think you would escape, but in case you did you would discover these coordinates and head back to base.”

“Look,” Shiro sighed. “I know it’s a little suspicious, but I at least want to check it out. We don’t need to get too close, just close enough to see what’s there and if there is a chance this is real. Because if it was a spy who got me loose, he could have useful information.”

Alura sighed as well before saying, “Very well. We’ll check it out, but if anything looks wrong we’re getting out of there.”

“That’s all I ask.”

He wanted a chance to confirm if this was fact or fiction and to get some closure.

Shiro had become skilled in looking calm when he was anxious. As they got closer everyone started to gather on the bridge to see what was up. Shiro stood tall as he looked out the window. Back straight, chin up and arms cross. They were flying close to the Thaldycon system. Allura said that navigating would be tricky and that this was the best way to avoid hitting the crystals.

It was cool. The crystals were reflective and took on a purple hue from the dust clouds that lingered in the system. This is what Shiro always wanted from space travel. To be able to go further than others have gone and see things like this: marvels of the universe. He wished that he was here on better terms. He would be able to enjoy this more.

“There doesn’t seem to be anything here,” Allura said. She sounded relieved but suspicious. Shiro felt disappointment wash over him. He wanted there to be something, anything. He didn’t let it show. He was ready to call it off and then an alert went off. Someone else was now on board the ship.

“What the…” Allura cussed as Coran pulled up the security footage. There was a figure running through the ship that was distinctly Galra. But the uniform wasn’t one that Shiro had seen before. He didn’t think that this was someone from the Empire. All the same, they couldn’t let this guy roam about the ship. They geared up to intercept him.

He couldn’t admit that he was impressed by his strength and agility. Shiro wasn’t too far behind the others. He saw the way this guy managed to dodge and turn almost all their attacks against them. He was like an acrobat as he jumped over them, rolled, and got back up without breaking a stride. Because of this, Allura was on her way to assist.

Shiro managed to catch up just as Keith had him pinned. The exchange was brief. Shiro held his glowing hand to the intruder's throat and it did the same with its blade. There was a tense moment where no one moved. Then the intruder took a step back and lowered his blade. Slowly, he raised his hand and pulled back his hood. His mask disappeared and his face became visible.

A mix of emotions rushed over Shiro as he recognized the Galra standing before him.

“Ulaz?” He could barely get the name out. But he was happy to see him.

Before he could say more, Allura was there pushing Ulaz against the wall. She was demanding an explanation.

“Wait,” Shiro stepped in. “This is Ulaz. He’s the Galra who freed me.”  
  
Even so, Allura didn’t want to take any chances. Ulaz didn’t seem to mind that he was put in shackles. They held him in the lounge as they interrogated him.

“I still don’t think this is necessary,” Shiro said. He trusted Ulaz. Not because he freed him. There was something more. Something creeping up his skull, something familiar. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Somehow he knew Ulaz meant them no harm, that he wanted to help.

Ulaz remained calm the whole time. He wanted to show them his base, and contact his leader to let him know that Shiro was with him. He said his group was called the Blade of Marmora.

“All that’s here is a wasteland,” Allura kept her arms crossed.

“My base is right ahead. It’s hidden in a space-time pocket,” Ulaz explained. “If you keep flying you’ll be able to find it.”

No one wanted to do it. No one trusted it. Again Shiro spoke up, and everyone reluctantly went along with it.

It was there.

Ulaz called it the Marmora Thaldycon Information Base. Allura wasn’t going to check it out, but Shiro agreed to go. Keith also tagged along as well as Pidge and Hunk.

The base was small but comfy. It reminded Shiro of his family's cabin. Ulaz explained to them how long it may take for his leader to receive his message. Until then they were welcomed to stay in the space pocket. Relaying that to Allura did not go over well.

“He wants us to sit here and wait for reinforcements to show up?” Allura voice pitched in disbelief. They were regrouping in the lounge “Shiro you can’t…”

“I already told you that I trust him.” Shiro sighed. “This can lead to some powerful allies.”

“Or it’s a trap.”

“So far everything he’s told us has been true,” Shiro defended. “I know that you have your reasons for not trusting him. I understand that, but even you have to admit this looks legit.”

“It does all seem a little convenient,” Hunk pointed out.

“You’re a little too emotionally involved in this,” Allura said.

“I’m not foolish enough to put us in danger on a whim. These guys have been fighting just as hard as we have and been risking their lives for the same reason. I know we’ve had nothing but bad experiences with Galra in the past, but there’s no way every Galra is evil. There are some that don’t agree with Zarkon.”

“Shiro,” Keith recognized Shiro was getting worked up.

“Most of them aren’t even loyal to him the way you think. They fear him, and follow him to protect their families.”

“How do you know that, or is it another convenient memory?” Allura wouldn’t budge.

Shiro didn’t respond at first. He knew it wasn’t a dig at him, but suspicion about the arm. The others seemed to agree.

“I know what it looks like,” Shiro took a deep breath, “But I want to see where this goes. I want to know what this organization is and if they can help.”

“What are you saying?” Pidge asked.

“I’m sticking around,” Shiro said.

“You’re holding us hostage,” Lance clarified. “We can’t leave without you.”

“Shiro,” Keith spoke up again. “Think about this.”

“I’ve made up my mind,” Shiro said. “I want to see this through.”

Allura looked to Coran and exchange a look.

“Fine, we’ll wait and see,” Allura said.

Shiro nodded. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to win the next argument. He knew the next step would be to meet in person, which meant either the Blades come here or they go to the Blades.

“How’d it go?” Ulaz asked him when they came back to the ship. Coran and Allura stayed on the ship with Lance in case anything happened. The others stayed with Shiro. No one wanted to leave him alone with the Galra.

“About as well as I expected,” Shiro shrugged.

“It may take a while for things to settle, but in the end, we’re both fighting the same enemy,” Ulaz said.  
  
“How long until we hear anything back?”

“By the end of the quintent,” Ulaz assured him. “If we’re lucky he’ll respond sooner.”

Shiro nodded. Part of him wished that the others had stayed behind. He wanted to talk with Ulaz, alone. But he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to ask, and if he wanted those answers. But it was nice to finally meet a Galra who was helping fight the good fight.

~.~.~.~.~

Ulaz didn’t expect to find Shiro with a group, and Voltron nonetheless. But he couldn’t deny how proud he was to see Shiro in the Black Paladin armor. He knew he would be a leader in the movement. But right now he had to worry about the others in his group. They didn’t trust him, which was to be expected.

It was amusing to see them bickering among themselves as they tried to come to some sort of an agreement. He never imagined that the paladins would be so young. They thought that he was trying to lure them into some sort of trap. Even if he was, he wasn’t stupid enough to betray Shiro. Ulaz knew how deadly Shiro was. If anything, he may be more dangerous here than he ever was in captivity.

He didn’t bother to say this. He let them figure out what they were going to do.

Ulaz didn’t get the pleasure of seeing their second conversation in regards to their stay. Shiro came back aboard his ship with three of the other Paladins, so it must be good news. He was glad. He’s been waiting for Shiro for quite some time now, he had been starting to think that he wasn’t coming.

Now he could tell Kolivan that this hadn’t been a mistake. Shiro had come back with powerful allies, and he wanted to fight by their side! Maybe when he got back to the main base he wouldn’t be in so much trouble. Kolivan had chewed him out when he heard that Ulaz left his post. He ’d been granted permission to stay on the Thaldycon base until Shiro’s return.

He knew punishment awaited his return, but this was the most ideal outcome.

Except for one thing. It became clear to him that Shiro didn’t know him. Shiro admitted, with a sheepish smile, that he had trouble remembering his year of captivity.

“I get impressions from time to time, but you setting me free was the first real memory I had,” Shiro admitted. He waited until the Paladins were comfortable enough to explore the ship before he took the time to talk to him.

“Nothing else?”Ulaz crossed his arms and leaned against the control panel.

“I think I hit my head during my escape,” Shiro shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I’m sorry that you were waiting this long.”

“You were worth the wait,” Ulaz allowed himself to smile. Shiro gave a small smile back. His cheeks colored.

“Are you sure you’re okay with the others wandering around your base?” Shiro asked.

“It’s fine. They can't access delicate machinery, and sensitive information is kept in the system.” Ulaz explained. “There’s nothing for them to get into.”

Shiro nodded before finally asked, “So are the Blades…what kind of organization is it?”

“Secretive. We do covert operations to gather information. We’re one of the only things stopping the Empire from expanding as they would like. We’ve won back a few planets from them, and taken out some important bases.”

“What’s your end game?”

“Our Leader can better explain that to you. I think you two will get along well. He wants this to end more than anyone else.”

“Is it a big organization?”

“We are many.”

Shiro was quiet. He turned his attention out the window to watch the way the colors in the fold shifted and moved. His disposition was tense, but more at ease than Ulaz had ever seen him. Even this conversation was different than when they were in the lab. He was getting to see another side of him. No, he was getting a peek at the real Shiro, and he treasured that Shiro trusted him enough to show it.

“I have so many questions,” Shiro confessed. His voice soft and a little distant. “And I had no way of getting answers.”

“What kind of questions?” Ulaz asked.

“About my captivity. I only remember my escape and my first battle in the arena. Everything else is a blur and it feels like this, this distant thing that I can’t grasp.”

“If you have questions I could answer some for you. I wasn’t with you all the time, but I have detailed files.”

“You do?”

“I was your doctor, I had to be kept in the loop.”

“So we saw each other often?” Shiro turned back to him.

“A few times a movement,” Ulaz confessed. “It depended on how many times you fought or what Hagar had planned.” He saw Shiro visibly shiver at the mention of her name.

“Who’s Hagar?” Shiro asked.

“She’s the Altean High Priestess and Empress,” Ulaz explained. “She’s in charge of…”

“Did you say Altean?” Shiro stopped him.

“Yes.” Ulaz tilted his head.

“Allura said she and Coran were the last ones.”

“Alteans are rare, yes, but not all of them were on the planet when it was destroyed. They live in smaller colonies scattered around the universe. But that has nothing to do with Hagar. She’s been around as long as Zarkon.”

“But Zarkon destroyed Altea. Was Hagar a traitor to her people?”

“Not in so many words. Hagar is Zarkon’s wife,” Ulaz tilted his head. “Do you not know the history of this war? Has your princess not explained it to you?”

“Zarkon destroyed Altea and took over the universe. I’d already seen what the Empire was like, so I didn’t ask any more questions.”

“Do you not know the history of the Paladins either?”

“Not much.”

“You should talk to your princess about it” Ulaz didn’t want to be the one to have to explain it. This way he would allow Allura a proper chance to explain what had happened. He wasn’t here to cause a rift in the team. “It’s a sad story for anyone involved. It’s probably why she hasn’t been able to bring herself to talk about it.”

“I’m going to go make sure that they’re not tearing up your ship.” Shiro said when he realized he hadn’t heard from the others in a while.

“That would be appreciated.” Ulaz let him go. He knew Shiro would need a bit of time to process the little bit of information he gave him.

~.~.~.~.~

The time came to decide how they would be meeting the leader. He invited them onto his base. He wanted only two of their members and Ulaz. Allura did not want that. Shiro was the one to suggest they find some sort of a middle ground. It would make it easier on both organizations.

The leader wore his mask during the communication. It was a little spooky, but it seemed to be the way they do things because Ulaz put his mask on as well.

They settled on a moon that was between their position. The leader would bring a few other members with him and Allura would have the Paladins. They would meet outside of their ships and go from there.

It was a fair trade off, and Allura agreed to it before she realized exactly what it meant. Ulaz would be traveling with them. It was clear on her face that she didn’t want him on her ship any more than he already had been.

“But it would be a sign of good faith if we gave him a lift and we all showed up together.” Shiro reasoned.

“I’m familiar with diplomatic protocol,” Allura snapped, arms crossed. Shiro didn’t take it personally. He knew she was frustrated. “Fine,” She sighed. “Offer to let him on. He’ll probably want to fly on his own anyway.”

That wasn’t so. Ulaz’s ears perked and he agreed to come along and thanked them for their hospitality. Shiro found an extra room in the same hallway as his and the other Paladins. There was no protest about it, but Shiro already knew it was going to be an interesting night.

Mealtime was quiet. Everyone went to bed right afterwards to avoid spending unnecessary time with Ulaz.

“You want me to give you the tour?” Shiro asked. “Allura will kill me if I let you on the bridge, but I can show you some of the other stuff.”

“I would like that,” Ulaz agreed. Shiro showed him through the maze of hallways.

“We haven’t been through all of it. It’s a pretty big ship. Sometimes even I get lost.”

“It has a very classical feel,” Ulaz marveled the deeper they went. It reminded Shiro that this ship was over ten thousand years old. “Sturdy, but a bit flamboyant.”

“Flamboyant?”

“A space vessel doesn’t need a ballroom,” Ulaz said.

“Okay, good point,” Shiro snickered.  
  
“I’m not keeping you up am I?” Ulaz asked as they checked out the training room. “I know you do require sleep at some point.”

“I’m fine,” Shiro waved it off. “I usually don’t go to sleep until a little later. Do you want to check out the observation deck? I found it when I first got here. It’s got a nice view.” He wanted somewhere quiet to talk. Maybe pick up on their earlier conversation. It ended up being about what would happen when their two rebellion groups finally met.

“They’ll expect you to be direct when stating your goals,” Ulaz started to speak once they sat down. “He’ll want to know that you won’t tell anyone else about our organization and to swear loyalty. Not meaning he wants you to become a Blade, but that both organizations will be faithful to each other.”

“What’s the alternative? Swearing allegiance to Zarkon?”

“You’d be surprised,” Ulaz said.

“You’ve worked with other groups who turned to Zarkon?” Shiro was a little taken aback, but not totally surprised. They’ve come across many nations who had given in when under pressure. Some did so in hopes that the Empire would spare their people, others did it for more selfish reasons.

“We’ve kept to ourselves since the beginning. Most other species don’t trust Galra and the ones who think we might be honest fear going against the Empire. There have been Blades who go undercover and start to believe Zarkon, and become loyal to the Empire.” Ulaz grimaced at the memory.

“What do you do when that happens?” Shiro asked. He had a feeling he already knew the answer, but he still wanted to know for sure.

“They get pulled from the assignment. But once they defect they become the enemy. Not just an enemy, but an enemy who knows our secrets.”

Shiro nodded. He could read between the lines.

“Were you ever tempted,” Shiro looked to Ulaz, “To cross that line?” He wasn’t asking with judgment. He just wanted to know if his job ever got bad enough that he started to believe the hype to get through. Even if it was just for a second, he wanted to know. And for some reason, he felt like he could understand that. Going along with things for to spare yourself from the pain of what would happen if you didn’t.

“Never,” Ulaz shook his head. “More than anything I wanted to abandon my post. I was chosen because everyone knew that I wouldn’t sway, but living my day to day was hellish. It’s the kind of job where one must believe that the ends are worth the means without a doubt. If not it all starts to feel pointless. Having to hurt so many to…”

“What are you still doing up?” Coran’s voice sounded from behind them. They both turned around to see him standing hands on hips like a disapproving parent. “We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. You need your rest, you can talk in the morning.”

“Sorry Coran,” Shiro sighed giving Ulaz an apologetic smile. “We’ll get going.”

“See that you do,” Coran huffed as he left.

“We should get some sleep,” Shiro conceded but continued the conversation. “When we talk to your leader will it be a long conversation or…”

“It won’t be. Our leader is very direct. It won’t be too time-consuming unless you decide to come up with a plan on the spot. That’s when things get tricky. He’s a bit of a perfectionist.”

“Really?”

“The better the planning, the better it is executed. The better it’s executed the fewer casualties. He’ll come off as cold, but he does care about all of us. And I don’t doubt that he will value your lives the same.”

“It will be mutual,” Shiro assured him. He started to get up so they could actually go to bed. “We’ll definitely have your back…if Allura and the others are okay with this alliance. I’m not sure if I can convince them.”

“I understand why they are skeptical,” Ulaz said.

“I…I don’t know. I know they think it’s weird that I of all people trust this, but it’s because I saw the worst that I can. I can look at you and know you mean no harm.”

“You can read our body language. When we’re not talking with other species, our communication is mostly non-verbal. Our species was one of the last in the known universe to come up with a spoken or written language. But the rest of the universe communicated like that, so we adapted. That being said, our older form is still apart of us.” Ulaz explained. “It’s not taught, but cubs pick up on it from their parents when they are young and it’s continued to be passed down that way.”

“That’s actually pretty cool,” Shiro admitted

“It’s why you can read us. You must have noticed it during your time with the Empire. Even if you don’t speak it, you understand it, and it lets you pick up on more than the others are capable of.”

“You’re saying I comprehend an ancient form of Galran?”

“Essentially, yes,” Ulaz said. “It will work to your advantage in the long run. A lot of Galran’s tells when fighting are through body language unless they are a skilled fighter.”

Shiro nodded as they started to navigate the hallways back to their rooms.

"I'm glad that we were able to talk,” Ulaz said. “I hope that the relationship between Voltron and the Blades becomes a strong union. Together we can end this war and allow the universe to heal from ten thousands deca-phoebes of tyranny.”

“You think that highly of us?”

“I’ve only heard of a few of your conquests, but what I’ve heard has been mostly praise. But most importantly, Voltron is a very powerful weapon. With you as the leader, I know you and your Paladins will be able to take down Zarkon.”

“Sooner rather than later, right?” Shiro sighed. “I’m looking forward to things getting back to normal.” He leaned against his door. “I can’t wait to get home.”

“I’ll make sure that you do,” Ulaz said. Shiro quirked an eyebrow. “I mean it,” Ulaz said firmly. “I’ll make sure you get home. I made this kind of promise before. I can keep this one as well. I’ll get you home, one way or another I’ll make sure you get there safely.”

And Shiro believed him. He felt hope, a familiar hope blooming in his chest as Ulaz spoke. He couldn’t remember the exact conversation from when Ulaz had made a similar promise, but he had a vague idea of it.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Shiro smiled. “We’ll all go home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they’re off to meet the others!   
> More to come soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ulaz is trying to settle in on the castle ship. It's going as well as he thought it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, updates every one to two weeks. In this case, it was one!  
> Enjoy!

The next few days were spent traveling to the rendezvous point. They had some time before they would meet. Ulaz let them know it was because of the way the base operated. He said it was tricky to enter and exit for security reasons.

In the meantime, Ulaz was on the ship with them. Allura was keeping tabs on his location at all times. Ulaz noted the cameras in his room. He knew if he disabled anything that there would be some sort of repercussions. Other than that, being on the ship wasn’t so bad. The Paladins weren’t warming up to him, but they were getting used to him.

Pidge, who was also Katie, had asked him about her family. Ulaz had only seen Matt once, but he was able to offer her the prisoner files he had with him. She decoded some and was hoping that Ulaz could provide her with more information. He took the time to sit down with her and explain that certain symbols were shorthand. He wrote up a key so she could refer to it during her search.

Hunk and Lance made a point to avoid him. They were around when they needed to be, but other than that they steered clear of him. If anything it was comical watching them stumble over themselves to try not to bump into him.

Then there was Keith. He thinks the Red Paladin had been working up the nerve to approach him but hasn’t been able to. When they first met, Keith had asked Ulaz about his blade and hadn’t said much since. But once in a while, Keith would linger around where Ulaz was like he wanted to ask him something.

Throughout the day he spent most of his time with Shiro. There wasn’t much else to do while they traveled. Shiro and Allura collaborated on the best way to train. They didn’t have anywhere to practice with the lions, so today was more about hand to hand combat training. Ulaz got to sit in for some of their secessions.

Shiro trained them like a mother teaching a cub how to attack. The way he blocked and knocked them away was firm, but not rough. It was just enough to let them know the potential danger of the blow. It was about learning and finding the right form. It made Ulaz wonder exactly what Shiro’s status was here. He tended to come off more maternal when dealing with the Paladins.

He was a good leader.

“I almost had you that time,” Lance huffed as he took up a fighting position again. “One more time.”

“You’re doing a lot better today,” Allura noted. She watched as Lance came at Shiro again and he fended him off.

“I feel better,” Shiro said still fighting Lance. “I’m getting more into the swing of things.”

“It shows,” Allura nodded in approval.

Ulaz didn’t see how. If anything Shiro was going very easy on them. Sparring against Keith he could go a little harder, but there was a great restraint in his movements. He wondered if Shiro was holding back or if the memory loss kept him from reaching his full capability. Either way, it was nice to see him fighting in a situation that wasn’t life-threatening.

It was a light practice. Even Allura joined in, but Ulaz is sure that was for more boisterous reasons than training. He could tell she was making it clear that she could fight as well as the others. She needed to show she wasn’t a damsel and would take him on if he threatened them in any way. Not that Ulaz ever doubted that. She was the first one to restrain him once Shiro fought him to a draw. From that one push to his chest, he could tell that she was strong. But such strength came with being Altean.

“Are you going to get in on this?” Pidge asked. She was sitting next to him on her laptop. Once they finished group training, Pidge went first for individual sparing. It meant she was done before the others.

“No,” Ulaz said. “This is your time, I wouldn’t want to interrupt. Besides, I’m sure Shiro is tired by now.”

“Nah,” Hunk shrugged. “He always trains a little more after us.”

“Keith too,” Lance added. “But he’s like a machine. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him blink.”

Ulaz was still against it. Though he found it odd that this was the time that the Blue and Yellow ones chose to speak to him. But if they were starting to get used to him, then he was okay with it. But he still had no intentions of sparring against Shiro. It seemed inappropriate to be in a combative situation given the circumstances.

He looked back to the fight in enough time to see Shiro take Keith to the ground, and keep him in his hold. Keith looked more annoyed than angry. When they separated he was mumbling something about, “should have seen it coming.” Ulaz found that to be weird because he had never seen Shiro fight like this before. Then again with this kind of training, Shiro felt comfortable getting up close to his enemy.

“Ulaz wants to spar,” Pidge called out to Shiro. Ulaz blinked down at her. He didn’t see the point in protesting, but he also didn’t see the point in pushing him to do this. They had all fought him before, they knew what he was capable of.

“Really?” Shiro quirked an eyebrow like he knew she was lying.

“If he is going to be apart of the group it would be nice to get a gauge of his skill,” Allura added.

It was a setup.

“Do you want to?” Shiro looked at him directly.

“I don’t see the harm in it if you’re up for it.” Ulaz decided. It was a mock battle. They started out pretty slow and were able to pick up the speed and intensity. No one had landed a hit yet. Shiro was making sure to stay out of his reach before he went on the offensive and tried to land a blow.

Their exchanges were quick and like before they were caught at a draw. Shiro’s left and was blocking a blow from Ulaz and Ulaz was doing the same. Both of them had a foot placed to trip the other one up.

“You’re going easy on me?” Shiro smiled incredulously.

“So are you,” Ulaz answered smoothly. Shiro quirked an eyebrow. Neither of them were letting up the pressure. Shiro did shift his footing to give himself a better stance. Ulaz could see Shiro starting to coil in preparation for his next blow. He gave Ulaz that smirk. The same kind of smirk he gave him when Ulaz asked if he was lying about not biting.

Ulaz jumped back a bit too late. Shiro managed to spring into a roundhouse kick that Ulaz blocked at the last minute. Ulaz got a hold on Shiro’s ankle and drag him forward. Shiro started to fall but grabbed onto Ulaz’s arm and brought him down with him.

The moment Shiro’s back hit the ground he brought his other leg up to Ulaz’s gut. Ulaz had seen him use this move before and knew to flip to the side and tug free before Shiro could twist his arm. When he got his arm free Shiro flipped to his feet.

“That was a little better,” Shiro panted. His stance relaxed as he took the time to push his bangs out of his face. The little tuff on the top of his head had turned white during the course of experimentations. It was an interesting fur style. Ulaz always wondered what Shiro’s fur would look like cascading down his broad shoulders. The mane of a leader atop his head.

“Let’s call it a day,” Shiro rolled his shoulders out. “You’re all showing a lot of improvement. Doing a little bit more training in your free time will help you guys start to hone your skills a bit better.”

They started to disperse. Some went to shower before going about their day. They all did different things to amuse themselves. Keith went back to training the moment the others left the room. Hunk was in the kitchen making some sort of concoction. Ulaz didn’t cook that often, but he was sure that what Hunk was mixing together, didn’t go well. Lance was talking with Hunk. Pidge could either be found in her room or in the lounge tinkering with something.

Shiro retired to his room. He yawned a few times while he and Ulaz were walking through the hallway. They had gone to bed late the night before. Ulaz bid him farewell so he wouldn’t feel obligated to stay up and talk.

“I’ll see you later,” Shiro waved as he entered his room. Ulaz figured he would do the same. There wasn’t much to do, despite how big this ship was. His room wasn’t like the one he had back on base. The bed was stiff, and the lighting was unpleasant. If he closed his eyes and relaxed it was like he was somewhere else. It made it easier. He knew this was all for the greater good, but sometimes he wished there was a way to be a little more comfortable doing it.

~.~.~.~.~

Despite everything, he thinks that the other Paladins were starting to come around. But it was bound to happen. They’ve all been stuck together on this ship for many quintants. Allura was still skeptical, but she seemed to be the only holdout.

“Pidge told me you taught her the Imperial cipher,” Shiro said. He caught Ulaz in the kitchen sneaking a snack.

“Yes. I know a few versions of it and I figured it could help her search.” Ulaz reasoned.

“Isn’t that your third snack bar today?” Shiro looked at Ulaz’s hand.

“It is not,” Ulaz answered smoothly.

“Right. I would be careful with those. Hunk made them.” Shiro warned.

“Coran instructed him with this recipe. It came out quite delightful,” Ulaz informed him. “You should try one.”

“Later, “ Shiro waved it off. “How have you been holding up?”

“I am alright. With the rate we’re going we’ll get to the location before my leader.”

“That’s what we were hoping for,” Shiro nodded. “It looks better to get there a little early.” Shiro shifted his footing. Ulaz watched him, trying to figure out what the change in body language meant.

“Is there something you needed from me?” Ulaz asked.

“Kind of,” Shiro ended up grabbing one of the snack bars and taking a bite. “Remember when you said you would answer any questions I had?”

“Of course.”

“I have a few I was hoping you would be willing to answer for me later today, after dinner.”

“Whenever you would like,” Ulaz confirmed.

“Then I’ll meet you on the observation deck after dinner.”

“I’ll be there,” Ulaz promised.

The observation deck had become their spot. More often than not Shiro could be found there when he wanted to be left alone or couldn’t sleep. The other Paladins seemed to accept that this was his space. It’s why Ulaz always felt honored whenever Shiro invited him to sit with him. Sometimes they would talk about nothing. Other days they would let the silence linger between them and watch the stars.

“Cool,” Shiro nodded. “Alright. I’m gonna go find Coran. It’s getting kind of hot on the ship. I’m hoping we can do something about it.”

“Really? I don’t feel a difference,” Ulaz said.

“That’s what everyone else said,” Shiro sighed. “But Allura told me I can change the temperature in my room. I just need Coran to show me how to work the controls.” He started to leave.

“Good luck,” Ulaz waved. Once Shiro was gone Ulaz grabbed another snack bar. He had a love for sweets but didn’t get them too often when he was on missions. And during the deca-phoebs he was undercover it was rare to find any sort of confections. So he was going to take this opportunity to indulge a little bit. That being said, he stashed another one just in case.

He turned to leave and almost bumped into Keith, who was watching him curiously.

“Hello,” Ulaz greeted.

“I wanted to talk,” Keith informed him.

“About what?” Ulaz was a little skeptical. This feeling only increased when Keith response was for Ulaz to follow him. Ulaz knew he wasn’t in danger but the exchange between them was still odd.

Ulaz didn’t recognize this part of the ship. It was a little dusty, causing him to conclude that few go back here. Looking at the same size shoe prints in the dust, he could tell this was where Keith goes to get away from the others. They came to a door that Keith opened and Ulaz followed him inside.

“What is this place?’ Ulaz asked.

“Some sort of storage room, I think,” Keith shrugged as he closed the door behind him. “It’s the only place the mice don’t snoop around.”

“The mice?”

“Allura’s pets. They snoop around and report back to her.”

“I see.” Ulaz didn’t get it. Did this have something to do with the mice? It wasn’t too hard to tell that Keith had a question, he just couldn’t figure out what it was pertaining to.

“You said your blade was a ceremonial blade. What does that mean?” Keith crossed his arm.

“One receives it once they join our ranks. They have to go through strenuous trials before that happens.” Ulaz explain.

“So you can’t have one unless you’re a member?”

“No. It’s considered sacred to our group.”

“And everyone in your group is Galra?”

“Of Galra decent, yes.” There was a time when Ulaz considered asking Kolivan to allow Shiro to join, but he knew what that answer would be.

Keith was frowning in thought: clearly troubled. Ulaz saw him do it before. He gave him time to collect his thoughts.

“I have this knife that my mom gave me,” Keith reached for his belt and pulled his knife from its sheath. “I’ve had it since I can remember.” He started to unwrap the binding around the handle revealing the Blade of Marmora symbol.

Ulaz didn’t react at first. The symbol was clear as day. But how did Keith get his hand on this? He’d never heard of a mission where any of them had gotten close to Earth in the past few deca-phoebs.

“That is peculiar,” Ulaz finally said. “Can you wield it?”

“You mean use it?” Keith asked.

“I’ll take that as a no.” If he had activated his blade, he would know it.

“I can also activate control panels on the Empire ships,” Keith told him. “There have been a few things here and there that made me wonder. When I saw your blade it kind of confirmed everything. I think I’m Galra.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing?” Ulaz wanted to be more concerned about the blade, but it seems that Keith came to him for emotional support. Again, an oddity.

He noticed that Keith tended to refrain from interacting with the group unless he had to. When he did choose to and his presence wasn’t well received, he would go off by himself again. He was a hard person to get close to, and yet he was talking to Ulaz about this.

But he also understood why. They were the only two galrans on the ship. Ulaz presence wasn’t taken too well in the beginning. And everyone was still worrying over the meeting with the other blades.

“You’ve seen how they are,” Keith said plainly.

“There is a stigma that comes with being who we are, but your friends will be able to see past it. You’ve fought beside them for this long, they have a sense of who you are. It shouldn’t matter to them.”

“But it will,” Keith said.

“If you don’t feel comfortable telling them, then you shouldn’t pressure yourself to do so,” Ulaz said. “Why do you feel that it’s important for you to tell them if it’s causing you so much concern?”

“I’ve had this knife forever, and I never knew what this symbol meant. Then we got here and I saw the emblem of the Empire and it was similar. Finding out your group existed was a relief.”

“It’s okay to be happy to know your heritage,” Ulaz said. “And it’s okay to want to share it. If that blade is from your mother then it means she was a member who fought just as bravely as your comrades. She stood up to Zarkon despite the odds. That’s something to be proud of.”

“I guess,” Keith said, but the corner of his lip did quirk up a little.

“If you want to know more about the Blades I can talk to our leader about it. There might be information I can give you without you having to go through the trials.”

“What are the trials?”

“Very strenuous,” Ulaz repeated. “In order to activate your blade you must complete them, but they can be very brutal on the body and mind. Going through them would make you a member, but I’m not sure if…”

“Would I be able to go through the trials?”

“That would be up to our leader. You should also talk to Shiro about this. I’m sure he would want to know about this.” Ulaz had noticed that Shiro and Keith were closer than the others in the group. They had a family connection where Shiro was more of a brother or parental figure. Ulaz wasn’t sure what Shiro would do to someone who caused harm to Keith, but he knew he didn’t want to be that person.

He didn’t want Shiro thinking he went behind his back and recruited Keith without his knowledge. Besides, it wouldn’t do their bond any good if they started keeping these kinds of secrets from each other. They needed that bond to form Voltron.

“I’ll try,” Keith sighed. “That doesn’t mean you can tell him before I do.”

“I had no plans to,” Ulaz promised.

“Good,” Keith seemed to have the answers he wanted for now. Ulaz only hoped that this wouldn’t cause strife within the ranks of the team.

~.~.~.~.~

Shiro was already on the observation deck by the time Ulaz got there. Shiro greeted him with a small wave and a smile. Ulaz took his seat next to him.

“What did you want to discuss?” Ulaz asked. He watched the way Shiro’s jaw clenched and unclenched. He wrung his hands a few times before he spoke.

“My first fight in the arena,” Shiro started. “I fought Myzax, I know that much but a lot of the details are fuzzy. I was told that I attacked one of the other prisoners. I only get a few impressions of what happened and I can’t make sense of it…”

“And you want to know what I know of it?”

“Yes.”

“I wasn’t there for it. I only heard about it second hand.” Ulaz admitted. “Your victory caused a great upset. Myzax had been the champion for quite some time. It was said that you wounded one of the others you had come in with. You later told me that you did it in order for him to avoid the arena, and have him sent to the same group his father was in.”

Shiro slumped and let out an audible sigh.

“One of the prisoners we saved said that I hurt him, Matt. He was apart of my crew.” Shiro started to explain. “I didn’t remember the incident and I didn’t know why I did it. Pidge has been giving me the side-eye ever since.”

“Side eye?”

“She’s been suspicious of my actions since she found out. Matt is her brother.”

“I see,” Ulaz nodded. “But you did not attack him out of malice or bloodlust. The cut was clean. You missed everything important. It was deep enough to compromise any consideration of making him fight. You saved his life.”

“What happened after the fight?”

“You won, but you were tossed around a bit so you received medical treatment and then you were sent to a cell.”

“That’s it?” Shiro looked perplexed.

“Yes. It was a very eventful day. No one ever thought that Myzax would fall. It was considered dumb luck at the time.”

“I still remember that pattern,” Shiro admitted. “Myzax got turned into a robeast and we had to fight him. He had the same weapon as before. I heard it charging and it flooded back to me as if I was reliving it, but only a second had passed.”

“Different things can trigger a memory. Smell and sound can be more powerful than sight when it comes to recalling events of the past.”

Shiro nodded and turned back to the window. He was quiet again. His face scrunched in thought. Eventually, he folded his arms and leaned back against the couch. His breathing was even, and though he was tense, he was more relaxed than Ulaz had ever seen him on the ship.

“Is there anything else that you wanted to know?” Ulaz asked.

“Not at the moment,” Shiro sighed. “I’m sorry I called you out here for a short explanation. I thought that it would be a lot worse. I got this feeling whenever I try to think about it. Like something really bad happened that day.”

“It was a hard fought battle, and being held captive wasn’t pleasant. It was probably having to constantly be aware of danger that helped to fuel your negative feelings.”

“I know that,” Shiro said quickly, but he didn’t sound angry or annoyed, just forlorn. “But I think it was worse than fighting.” His face scrunched as he tried to make sense of his own feelings. “And it eats away at me every time I try to think back to it. It’s nauseating. I’m not sure if I want to know what it is, but once I start getting these feelings it’s only a matter of time before I get vivid images.”

Ulaz wasn’t sure what to say. He knew what was leaving Shiro feeling disgusted, but wasn’t sure if he should fill in that blank. No, Shiro hadn’t asked a direct question. He would wait for Shiro to come to him and ask.

“How bad was it?” Shiro looked to him again. “How bad did it get?”

“Very bad,” Ulaz confessed. “It was never easy for you. You went through many hardships and many procedures. I don’t think anyone else would have been able to survive what you went through.”

“That nightmarish?” Shiro gave an uneasy smile.

“There were times when you wept because you were sure you were in hell.” Ulaz left it at that.

“At least it’s over,” Shiro said. It was a sign that he was ready to drop the subject. Ulaz welcomed it. He wasn’t sure what to make of Shiro anymore. He was so different here than he was before. He wasn’t sure how to talk to him. How to reconnect with him.

“You see that constellations of stars, to the right of that pink nebula?” Ulaz asked. Shiro looked to where he indicated with interest. “That one is known as the Rainbow Lotus.”

“Why?”

“It’s shaped like standing flower petals when you connect them.” Ulaz used the display on his tablet to overlay the window and connect that stars like dots. “At the right angle the nebula is behind it, and the reflected light shows all the colors on the spectrum.”

“Really?”

“Yes. When this was dead space there were tales of ships who would follow the lotus until their ships broke down. I have the legend here somewhere.” Ulaz managed to find the file that had the star map and fables that belong to the constellations.

Shiro leaned in a bit closer so he could get a better look, and that’s how the rest of their night went.

~.~.~.~.~

Pidge had been shocked when she finally started to make headway in going through the files. There had been a lot of unnecessary details about battles and changes in diet. But there wasn’t anything that was too helpful. She found the video of Shiro’s fight with Myzax.

It wasn’t what she expected. Shiro spent most of his time running and got thrown around quite a bit before he managed to land the winning blow. There were more video files. Each one had a message attached to explain what the sender of the video wanted the receiver to notice. Those were followed by a sort of comment thread as they discussed his fights and his strengths.

There was a medical log of injuries and doctor visits. It said what was injured and how it was treated. There were notes when he needed an elongated stay. There were a few images to go along with it to show what was broken or torn and how it was healing. It was a medical journal on Shiro. It was an interesting read. Some of the procedures she didn’t recognize, it must have been alien terminology. But she did notice that it seemed like whatever they did helped him heal faster.

There was another video file. It was the one she regretted looking at the most. She closed her laptop and couldn’t bring herself to look at it for an hour. She opened it again and closed the video. There were still so many other files, but now she was scared to go through them. For the better part of the day she didn’t say anything. But someone had to know about this. She had to tell someone.  
  
So she grabbed her laptop and went to find Allura: she would have a better idea of what to do with this information. Pidge also knew Allura wouldn’t take it well. It was pretty incriminating. She wondered how they were going to deal with this.

What was Shiro’s year with the Galra like? Was it as bad as he made it seem?

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try and have the next chapter up sooner rather than later!   
> It's one of my favorite parts so I'm super excited to put it up!  
> More to come, and thanks for reading ^^


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro is confronted by part of his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to see SOME of what Pidge found.

Shiro woke up feeling better than he had in a while. He managed to get some sleep without passing out and no nightmares. It felt like a step forward. He was up before the others and went for a light jog through the ship. He had breakfast, (food goo) took a shower, and gave his hair a light trim.

He was finding that he and Ulaz were becoming friends. Ulaz was easy to talk to and didn’t look at him in pity when he started to talk about his captivity. Last night had been good. He got to vent a little and he and Ulaz stayed up looking at the stars and telling each other stories about them. Shiro was only able to give a short summary of the ones he was used to seeing on back on Earth. But he had been able to draw a pretty detailed map of what his view used to look like.

He still had this doubting vibe on the back of his neck, and the castle was a touch warm for his taste. Other than that he was in a good mood. He was more alert during morning training. Which was good, because Allura joined in again. It showed that she finally managed to shake the cobwebs off from being in the pod for ten thousand years. She came at him harder and faster, and Shiro was able to confidently keep up.

He was a little more present as well. He was able to give better feedback to the others and work with them a little longer. They started doing more intense fights using their bayard. He still didn’t have his, but he was able to use his arm as a weapon.

He took some time to himself after. He always favored a more intense workout to maintain his stature. He had to ask Allura if they had anything like a weight room. Turns out they did. There was even a punching bag in there. He had it all to himself for now. He would let the others know that this place existed after he was done. It felt good to be able to lift, and pull, and squat. He actually started to work up a sweat and grunt through a workout. Everything was sore after, but it was a good ache.

He did a few stretches and got a post-workout snack, which was more food goo since Hunk hadn’t gotten to the kitchen yet. They were all still tired from the morning. He found most of them stretched out in the lounge. Hunk was leaning against the arm of the couch and Lance was leaning against Hunk. Allura didn’t look exhausted, but she did look as if she was in thought.

Pidge wasn’t around, but he assumed she was in her room. She complained the place started to stink after training and stayed in her room until the ship filtered out the funk. He passed Coran in the hallway. They had a quick talk and compared notes about the day.

But Shiro couldn’t find Ulaz. He must still be in his room. Their sleep cycle was a little different. There were days where Ulaz was asleep most of the time they were awake and vise versa. He would let him be for now and peek in on him later.

He didn’t have many responsibilities around the ship. Normally it would make him restless, but today he could be content laying around his room. Though, after a while, he did get bored. There wasn’t much to do around here. Eventually, he got up and found Coran and asked if he needed help with anything.

Shiro didn’t understand Altean tech. He spent most of his time passing Coran the tools he needed and listening to stories about Altea. It was a good day so far.

“And the festival season was always a favorite among the people,” Coran went on. “Everyone would get dressed up, and there were games and a feast. It was a grand time.”

“We have something like that back home,” Shiro said. “Sometimes I would go back to Japan to visit my grandparents, and I would get to stay for Hanami.”

“Japan? I thought you were from Earth?” Coran peeked up from his work.

“Japan is a country on Earth. The planet isn’t united, so some regions have different names and cultures. Its kind of like every part is a planet of its own.” Shiro explained the best he could.

“I see. So what it Hanami?”

“We have cherry blossom trees in Japan. They bloom in spring. The flowers look kind of like the ones you showed us that used to grow on Altea, but they bloom on trees. We would have a huge picnic to view them. There is music and dancing. It was nice.”

“Sounds like fun. We should stop by there once this war is over. I’ve already been scouting planets that may be suitable.”

“Earth is nice. We’ve never had anyone from a different planet visit us.”

“Are you saying they may be hostile?”

“I’m not sure. You guys look pretty similar to us, so it would probably be fine. But they’re not all…as open-minded about the idea of life outside of our solar system as we are.”

“We still have to stop by and visit sometime,” Coran said. “Allura seems intrigued by your culture, and you guys are starting to grow on her. I’m glad she’s been able to make some new friends.”

“Yeah. I was surprised she was able to shake everything off and go straight to a commander’s mindset.”

“Allura’s always been strong-willed.”

“I can only imagine.”

“She used to skip her lessons all the time. She never hid from us. She was in plain view up in her favorite tree. She knew we were all too heavy to climb up as high as her without breaking the branches.”

“Clever.”

“That’s what Alfor always said. He could never stay mad at her, even when she was acting out.” Coran smiled fondly at the memory. “I miss them. It’s hard to believe that everything took a turn for the worst.”

“What did happen?” Shiro asked. “Ulaz mentioned that Hagar is an Altean and Zarkon’s wife. He said you guys would know the story.”

“It’s a long, sad story. When Allura is ready to tell you, she will.”

“I want a better idea of what we’re dealing with.”

“The way things are going right now it will make no difference. As long as you fight hard and smart, you’ll prevail over Zarkon.”

“There you are,” Allura peeked into the room. She was trying to seem pleasant, but she didn’t look happy and her body language was tense. Even her face pinched in displeasure. “I need to talk to you.”

“What’s wrong?” Shiro asked as he started to stand.

“It’s nothing important,” Allura said. “I need to double check something with you.” Shiro couldn’t tell she was lying or stretching the truth a bit. Either way, he knew it wasn’t anything good. Even Coran didn’t seem convinced.

“If you could come to the bridge I’ll be able to explain my concerns better.”

“Okay,” Shiro wasn’t sure what this was about, but he went along with it. No one else was on the bridge. It was weird, because if it was something important he figured the others would be there as well. Maybe it was something that had to do with planning an attack. They often conference together about missions if they had time to plan before an attack. Then they would run what they came up with by the team.

“Pidge found something in the files and brought it to my attention. I know you claim not to remember much but…what are you guys doing here. I thought we agreed-”

Shiro turned around to find the other Paladins approaching. This was starting to feel more like a setup.

“We all deserve an explanation,” Pidge crossed her arms.

Keith looked apprehensive and gave Shiro a sympathetic look before voicing, “I think we’re going about this the wrong way. If we ask him, I’m sure there’s a good reason for what happened.”

“What’s going on?” Shiro asked.

“Fine, I’ll ask first but if he denies it…” Allura huffed.

“Denies what?” Shiro asked again.

“What was your role when you were with the Empire? What was your relation to Zarkon?” Allura asked.

“I told you before, I was a slave gladiator.” Shiro quirked an eyebrow and frowned. “What is this about?”

“And you still don’t remember anything else?” Allura asked.

“Very few things. We’ve been over this. I’m not withholding information. I can’t recall what happened.”

“You understand why it’s hard to believe that you forgot a whole year.”

“It’s hard to believe that we keep coming back to this. Questioning me on it over and over again doesn’t change anything. What is it that you found that has you so upset?”

Allura sighed and waved him over to one of the control panels. She pulled up the file she had been speaking of and opened it. It was a video of some sort. It took a few seconds to load. Shiro wasn’t sure what he was looking at in the beginning. But it was he who struts onto the screen, naked except for the jewels embedded on his back. He greeted Zarkon playfully as he straddled the Galra and sat on his lap.

“I missed you,” He heard himself speak softly as he pressed himself against the Emperor. Zarkon chuckled. A singled clawed finger made Shiro tilt his head up. Everything happened quickly after that. He watched as he was penetrated brutally and moaned and begged for more.

But there was no way that was real. There was no way he would do something like this. This man may look like him and sound like him, but he was a stranger. He didn’t know him. And yet, this all felt familiar to him. It made his stomach churn and his hands shake. It made that fear that was following him bubble and surface.

He stepped back from the panel. It was then that he noticed how heavy he was breathing, and the way his heart was beating out of his chest. He tried to pull it together, to take a breath and recompose but it felt like he was trying to swallow a mouth full of water. His hand reached out and stopped the video.

Everything was hazy and he couldn't hear what the others were saying. His vision blurred red and he had to fight to bring himself back to the moment. He wasn't only shaken up. He was angry. He could feel the rage boiling under the surface of his skin and mingling with his disgust.

“How did you find this?” Shiro tried not to snap at them. There’s no way they could understand what this was, or what it meant.

“It was in your file,” Pidge told him. Her voice was firm. She wanted answers.

“My file?” He looked up at the screen again. He was barely visible in the image because his form was smothered by Zarkon. His face wrinkled as he took it in. The galra had these videos in his file. More specifically Sendak had these videos.

“You said you were held hostage but-” Pidge was cut off by Keith.

“You haven’t let him explain.” Keith snapped. He looked to Shiro in worry.

“I can’t,” Shiro said as he took the image off the screen. “I don’t know what lead to that or why. I’m as disturbed as you guys are.” He kept his voice even so he came off as calm, which only served to escalate the situation. Pidge was fuming and talking a mile a minute.

She wanted to know if he was a traitor and if he’d been loyal to Zarkon this whole time. She thought he was withholding information from them. More importantly, she thought he was withholding information about her family.

“You killed them didn’t you!” Pidge was on the cusp of tears. “You killed them to win favor with the galra and you knew if you told us the truth that we would lock you up! Are you going to turn us over to Zarkon too? Do you get something in return for turning in Voltron?”

“Woah, Woah, Katie,” Shiro stopped her. “I would never do that. Sam and Matt were like family. I wouldn’t let anything happen to them if I could help it.”

“But that did look pretty incriminating,” Lance added. “I mean you-”

Keith elbowed him before saying, “We all saw it, Lance. We don’t have to keep going over it.”

“Look, if I had answers,” Shiro sighed. “I would have given them to you, but I don’t. I know it makes it look worse than it is, and I can’t change that. But I’m not lying when I say that I want to see Zarkon defeated so we can save the people oppressed by the galra, and go home. And Pidge, I’ll do whatever it takes to help you find your family.”

“What’s going on?” Ulaz asked when he walked in. He had that perplexed look he gets when one ear goes up higher than the other.

Allura glared at him. She didn’t want him one her bridge. But he hadn’t been able to find anyone on the ship. The alarm hadn’t gone off, but it was still worrisome that he couldn’t find them. After a bit of searching, he’d found them on the bridge in the middle of a heated discussion.

“Ulaz could have answers,” Hunk pointed out. All eyes turned to him. He wasn’t sure what was going on but it seemed important. Pidge was sniffling and wiping her eyes. Allura was frustrated. Keith looked forlorn and Hunk and Lance were uneasy.  
  
“Could you?” Allura asked. “We need a few things clarified.”

Ulaz frowned, “You’re being very vague. I can’t answer anything unless you’re specific.” He looked to Shiro who was making intense eye contact. He didn’t say anything but Ulaz knew that look. Something happened, and Shiro didn’t want him to answer them.

“You would know better than anyone what Shiro’s roll in the Empire was.” Allura crossed her arm and waited for an answer. “Well?”  
“He was being kept as a gladiator when I knew him. And I knew him throughout his entire captivity.” Ulaz said.

“And his relation with Zarkon?” Allura asked.

“I’m not sure what you mean by that,” Ulaz answered carefully. “There wasn’t a time after he’d been around the hierarchy that I didn’t have to heal major injuries. Nor a time where he didn’t express his hatred of them.”

“Did he hurt Matt on purpose?” Pidge asked. She looked ready to cry again.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Ulaz said. “But I do know the incident you speak of and I still remember which ID number that was. It’s why I was looking for you. We should be able to look through the logs and see where he is. Even if we can’t go to him at the moment. I can give you peace of mind.”

“Really?” Pidge visibly relaxed.

“Yes. I can show you how.”

Shiro let them finish up their conversation before excusing himself to his room. He didn’t have any more to say. He let out a sigh once he was outside the door. He didn’t want to think about this anymore.

~.~.~.~.~

Shiro knew Keith was the one pressing the button to get permission to enter his room. But Shiro couldn’t bring himself to face anyone right now. He kept hitting he button to deny entrance, and Keith kept requesting.

“Shiro, open up,” Keith called. “I just want to talk.”

“Go away,” Shiro mumbled into his pillow. He knows Keith can’t hear him, and he knows that Keith just wants to help, but he needed some time to himself.

There was a pause between alerts before there was one last one, and then silence. Shiro let out a sigh. He would talk to Keith later when his head was clear.

He was restless, but confined to his room. He paced for a bit and considered going to the lower levels of the ship for a jog, but decided against it. He couldn’t bump into anyone right now. He settled for a short workout in his room.

Moving helped keep his mind busy.

~.~.~.~.~

Ulaz sat down with Pidge and showed her how to look through the archives. He was worried when he saw that the log was short. That was never good, and he wasn’t sure what to do when Pidge figured that out as well.

“It’s information about when and where he was transported,” Pidge said. Ulaz pulled up the map so they could keep track of his route. “They seem to be keeping him in remedial duties.”

“It’s for the best. If he keeps his head down the Empire won’t take notice of him.”

“How do they keep them?” Pidge asked. “What are the conditions like there?”

“I’m not sure if you want me to answer that,” Ulaz was frank. “We should focus on the positive. These dates are getting closer to our current one. That’s a good sign. It looks as if he stayed for elongated periods of time before being moved to another facility.”

They got to the last bit of information on Matt. Pidge opened the file and started to decipher it. Ulaz was more fluent in this code and was able to tell her, “He went missing after an attack on the base.”

“What does that mean?” Pidge looked to him for answers.

“I’m not sure,” Ulaz took the keyboard. “Sometimes prisoners are casualties to fighting, but this says they were hit by a rebel group. It isn’t likely that whoever attacked would harm anyone who was being kept there.”

“Do you think someone set him free like you did for Shiro?”

“There’s a possibility he could have used the attack for cover to escape.” He mused as he started sifting through data. “But if that’s the case it would make it harder for us to track him.”

He checked the timestamp of the attack and managed to find footage on the base from around that time. He put the images on the screen hoping that they would see Matt escape and not him getting gun downed. He didn’t think Pidge could handle it. Sure enough, rounding the hallways with the rebel group was Matt.

“He escaped!” Pidge beamed. Tears sprang to her eyes. “But, how do we find him from here?”

“If he’s with a rebel group, we might be able to reach out and contact him. Some groups have a secret line so they can communicate and collaborate. It may be tricky finding the right frequency but if they hear it’s one of the paladins of Voltron they’ll be more than willing to help.”

“You think?”

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t.” Ulaz stood up. “I’ll let you know if I find anything else about your brother or your father.”

“Thank you,” She took off her glasses to wipe her eyes. “Do you think they’re still alive?”

“After seeing you fight, I have no doubt that they will fight as hard and hold out for as long as they can. It’s only a matter of finding them.”

Pidge frowned, able to tell that Ulaz was talking in circles to avoid answering the question.

“Shiro’s not a traitor right?” She asked right before Ulaz could leave. “Dad always spoke so highly of him and Matt looked up to him. I… after what the prisoners said and what I saw… if he did it must have been devastating for them if-”

“He did no such thing, I can assure you,” Ulaz said. “He sought to protect them first and foremost. He’s as worried about them as you are.”

Pidge didn’t look like she believed it, but she nodded. She could tell she couldn’t get much more out of him. For now, she went back to watching the video of Matt running through the halls and protecting the flank of the group. He was alive, and she was going to find him.

~.~.~.~.~

Ulaz went to check in on Shiro. He was surprised to find him doing push-ups in his room, shirtless. Ulaz had seen Shiro naked countless times but this time it was different. He wasn’t treating his injuries or distracted by his mission. It was just sweaty, shirtless Shiro, showing off his strength, not bashful when Ulaz walked in.

“Hey,” Shiro grunted through the last rep before he came to a stop.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Ulaz told him.

“I’m as good as I’m going to be,” Shiro got up from his spot on the floor and sat down on the bed. “It’s a lot to take in, but I’ve been through worse. I’ll get through this.”

“I don’t doubt that, but I still wanted to check in and make sure you were alright.”

Shiro gave him a soft smile before telling him he was worrying too much. Ulaz only nodded. He wasn’t sure how to express that he had seen Shiro at his worst and that he wouldn’t judge him for showing weakness. He wasn’t sure how to get Shiro to trust him again and open up.

“Is there anything else you needed?” Shiro asked.

“Nothing particular.” Ulaz waited until Shiro pat the spot beside him to invite him to sit before taking a seat.

“You know when I asked you how bad it got-” Shiro looked to him. “Why didn’t you mention that?”

“You didn’t ask about it. I thought that if you were ready to talk about it that you would bring it up. I didn’t expect them to present it to you in that manner.”

“I get it,” Shiro said. “If I had seen that I would have thought whoever was on that tape was a part of the Empire. I didn’t even recognize myself. It doesn’t feel real but…”

“You still don’t remember it?” Ulaz asked.

Shiro shook his head as he explained, “Not even a little bit. Why did they have a recording of that? What was the point? And why was I...trying to seduce Zarkon? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“I think you’re subconsciously choosing to forget certain things.” Ulaz mused.

“You think I’m forgetting all this on purpose?” Shiro couldn’t hide his hurt. Ulaz thought the same about him as everyone else.

“Not on purpose,” Ulaz corrected. “You've forgotten what happened to you in the past because you can’t cope with it. I saw you do something similar when we were back at Central Command.”

“I’ve done this before?”

“Yes. Forced forgetting is a way for you to protect yourself from those experiences. You don’t have control over it in this case. It’s only when the stimuli become too great for you to function. It’s your body’s last line of defense to protect you.”

“And everything that happened was so bad my mind decided to block a whole year of my life?” Shiro let out a bitter laugh.

“It could be something else, but for now that’s the only thing I could think of that makes sense.”

“What about the whole Zarkon thing?” Shiro steered the conversation back to where they had begun. “I want to know why I was there and why I seemed so...willing.”

“There’s not much I can say on that,” Ulaz grimaced. “I wasn’t there when it happened. I do remember you telling me that if you went along with Zarkon’s fantasies it was easier on you. You said he was less violent towards you. He would provide you with basic commodities such as food, water, and a warm place to sleep for a few days.”

“I did all that for a warm bed?” Shiro looked at him in disbelief.

“By that point, you had been deprived for so long. You could no longer deal with the torture that awaited you if you put up a fight.”

Shiro flopped back on the bed letting out a groan of frustration. Was it wrong that he could understand that sort of thinking?

“Were there any others?” Shiro asked. “When I fought Sendak he said I belonged to him. I didn’t understand what that meant back then, but I’m starting to put some things together.”

“I’m not sure if now is the best time to-”

“So there were more?”

“Are you sure you want to do this now?” Ulaz cautioned.

“I… I need to know,” Shiro insisted. “I know it sounds odd, but I need to know.”

“Yes,” Ulaz sighed. “There were others.”

Shiro took a deep shaking breath and nodded before asking, “Who?”

“Shiro, I don’t think-”

“Please just, just tell me.”

“Alright,” Ulaz caved. “I know there was a guard you were scared of when you first started off as a gladiator. You never said what happened but I had a feeling I knew what it was. He was notorious for miss treating prisoners in that way. Then there was Sendak. I’m not sure why he was drawn to you but he went out of his way to get you sent to his room. Zarkon came a little after that. I was never sure about why. And on occasion, Hagar would let some of the high commanding officers abuse you in an attempt to get you to break. You never did.”

“So I was just some form of entertainment to them,” Shiro scoffed. “You know, I wasn’t even that sexually active before all this. I was married to my job. If I wasn’t on a mission I was prepping for a mission ya know? I was so focused on my career I didn’t have time for that kind of interpersonal relationship. And when it came to sex I rarely found someone I was attracted to and who I could trust.”

Ulaz sat quietly and let Shiro talk. Shiro was explaining something very personal about himself while he was still emotionally vulnerable. He couldn’t help but be touched that Shiro didn’t shy away from him.

“And it’s not like I didn’t date,” Shiro went on. “There were a few people, but after a while, it was easier to be by myself.” He sighed. “It was never something that was that important to me, but this is…this is different. If I was supposed to be a gladiator, some sort of weapon, then why?”

“Are you asking me for an answer?” Ulaz prayed he wasn’t.

“Yes,” Shiro’s voice was so small it reminded him of the time after the arena. When Shiro came back soiled and bloody, broken and swollen.

“How do I make it stop?” He had asked so pitifully and Ulaz had felt his heartbreak at that moment.

“It was nothing more than cruelty,” Ulaz said honestly. “They tried to reason everything by saying it was for the Empire, but that was never the case. There’s sickness there. Something that drives those closest to Zarkon and Hagar to desire to harm others. I’ve never been able to make any sense out of it.”

“And I just ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time?” Shiro snorted. “That sounds about right.”

“If it’s any consolation, Morvok isn’t known as the half man because he’s one of the shortest commanders. You bit his penis off.”

“Really?” Shiro looked a little amused by that.

“Yes. It was an amazing show of your jaw strength. Not that anyone was unfamiliar with it. You bit almost every guard and every medic you came across.”

“I what?” Shiro still looked pleased, but not like be believed it

“You bit everyone. You once lunged off the table to get one of my assistants in the arm. It kept everyone on their toes. None of the guards wanted to be the ones to escort you to your destination.”

“Even you?”

“I quite enjoyed watching the way you made everyone squirm.”

Shiro chuckled a little while still looking up at Ulaz. His smile disappeared as his mind went back to the problem at hand. He wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with the Paladins tomorrow. Sure he had answers now, but these weren’t even his own memories, just second-hand accounts. But even if he had remembered on his own, this wasn’t something he would want to share with them. He wanted to bury it back deep inside of him and pretend it never happened.

“Do you mind if I check your vitals?”

“Why?” Shiro questioned.

“I’m worried about what the stress may do to you,” Ulaz said. Ever since the time Shiro had gone catatonic, he was always watchful of the slightest changes in him.

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” Shiro shrugged it off. He trusted Ulaz and didn’t see the point in making a fuss.

Ulaz looked over the readings and decided that Shiro was more or less okay. He informed Shiro that his body temperature was a little higher than normal. The room was set a bit colder than the rest of the ship. Shiro had complained about being warm the past few days. He might be starting to get sick.

“Make sure to drink water to help flush your system before the cold can set in.” Ulaz stood to leave.

“You don’t have to go yet. If you don’t want to.” Shiro winced at his own words before adding. “I, I want you to stay. I’d rather not be by myself right now.”

“Of course,” Ulaz agreed. They didn’t say anything after that. Shiro laid down and closed his eyes, but he wasn’t asleep. Ulaz stayed sitting up until he too started to doze.

~.~.~.~.~

Allura knew she could catch Shiro in the kitchen at night. He kept weird hours in comparison to the other Paladins. She found Shiro stuffing his face full of food goo. His cheeks puffed out as he planned on storing what he ate for later.

“I’ve been looking for you.” Allura started off gentle. Shiro jumped a little when she walked in. He was startled but quickly recovered.

“I’ve been sleeping most of the day,” Shiro confessed after he swallowed. He wasn’t timid or stressed when he spoke, which Allura found unsettling given the situation.

“I see,” Allura nodded. “I wanted to apologize about earlier. I should have confronted you in a different manner. There are still many things left to be discussed. I didn’t want the other Paladins worried about having to watch you.”

“I get that,” Shiro started out. “It would be a lot better if we talked about all this later. I’m still figuring a lot of things out. When I know more I’ll tell you guys. But you can trust me to fight the good fight. You know that right?”

“I’ll take your word on it,” Allura agreed. “You’ve been nothing but loyal up to this point. Are you okay? You left the room in a hurry earlier.”

“I’m as good as I can be,” Shiro confessed. How was he supposed to feel after everyone on the ship saw that? “I’m running a bit of a fever. Ulaz thinks I may have caught a cold or something.”

“Will you be okay enough to train tomorrow?” Allura asked.

“I’ll try to be there,” Shiro promised. “As long as I don’t feel any worse.” He put the bowl in the cleaning station and seemed to be ready to retreat back to his room. “I’m gonna see if I can get some sleep before everyone wakes up.”

“Yes. Of course.” Allura let him go, but first, she asked. “Where is Ulaz by the way? I haven’t seen him since this afternoon.”

“He’s in my room,” Shiro confessed. “He’s worried about this fever, and everything else. He’s stayed with me since I woke up. You’ll see him at breakfast tomorrow.” Shiro was steadily heading towards the door.

“Okay. Good night then.”

“Good night,” Shiro gave her a wave before he disappeared down the hallway.

Allura sighed. She wasn’t sure what to do

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come. I’m a bit behind with editing so the next chapter will be up in two weeks.
> 
> Thanks so much for your patients ^^


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suspicion looms in the air since Shiro was confronted on the truth about his time in the Empire. Shiro's not sure if he can tell them what he remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said two weeks, but when I was re-reading the previous chapter, this chapter, and the next chapter it all kind of goes together so they're getting posted back to back and there will be a two-week break between chapter 6 and 7. That way you also get a little cliff hanger. 
> 
> And thank you to everyone who left a comment. I'm sorry I didn't respond as quickly as I usually do. I accidentally messed with my preferences and didn't get the email notification when they came in. But know I appreciated all of them ^^

Everyone was walking on eggshells around him, or outright avoiding him. Normally Shiro would be worried about this, but right now he was glad for it. He needed space to process everything. Back on Earth when he was stressed he would go for a jog, but everyone was out and about. So he went to one of the lower levels so he could run without bumping into anyone.

He needed to work through his own feelings. Listening to his feet pound against the floor helped with that.

He was mad that they sprung that on him in that way, and that they didn’t trust him to come to him and talk to him about it.

He ran harder, getting into a quick rhythm with each step.

 He was disheartened that they still didn’t trust him. They thought that he was double-crossing them this whole time.

 He was working up a sweat now and breathing hard.

And he was disgusted with himself. He huffed as went into a full sprint, his heart thumping in time with his steps.

How did he end up in Zarkon’s lap like that!

He let out a growl as he punched the wall. He retracted his hand when he realized what he’d done. There was a dent in the wall. He would have to tell Coran about that. He took a deep breath. His hands clenched into fists as he shook with frustration.

He didn’t know what was worse. The fact that they thought that poorly of him, or the fact that they had seen everything. He doesn’t remember sinking so low as to become a plaything for the Emperor, or willingly going to him. He had looked pretty eager in the video. But it was such a transformation that he didn’t recognize himself.

He’d grown up being modest. He couldn’t imagine himself strutting into a room naked like he had. Or sounding like that. Even when he masturbated he tried to keep quiet. How had he gotten to that point? Why does he remember being experimented on up until the end if he was supposed to be the Emperor's pet?

There had to be more to it.

He started jogging again, this time keeping a lighter pace. He kept his mind on his breathing. He decided he didn’t want to think about this after all. The more he did, the worse it got. His skin felt sticky and unclean. Not because he was sweating. It was like he could feel Zarkon on him. But that might have something to do with the claw marks on his inner thigh and buttocks. A few more things were starting to fall into place, and it made things worse.

He’s been trying to avoid sleeping. He knew once he closed his eyes those images on the screen would come to life. It was easy for him to feel safe enough to rest if he had someone else in the room. He’d managed to doze last night when Ulaz stayed with him. Now, he didn’t want to be in the others’ presence. They would ask questions that he didn’t have the answers to, and he didn’t want to bug Ulaz and Coran.

Ulaz had already stayed up with him all night. And Coran checked in on him from time to time to make sure he was okay.

It’s not that he didn’t appreciate the effort, but he hated feeling helpless. And this was the worst off he’d been in a while. It reminded him of how weak he must have been this past year.

 He slowed to a walk. His legs felt like lead. He decided he was going to go upstairs to his room.

On his way, he passed by the cryp pod Sendak was in. He forgot there was a prison down here. The pod was still trying to extract information from Sendak. He looked peaceful in there like he was sleeping. If he hadn’t tried to kill him he would almost be cute, kind of like a cat.

He stood in front of the pod for a bit and just looked at him.

Sendak knew him too. He said so when they first met. Ulaz confirmed that Sendak was one the ones that Shiro had...been sexually involved with at some point. He should have asked Ulaz to clarify what it meant when he said that. On one hand, he seemed eager to jump in Zarkon’s lap, but he was also told that he bit off Morvok’s penis (whoever that was). The point was, he wasn’t sure if there were any consensual encounters or not. From what Ulaz described, what was going on with Zarkon wasn’t exactly friendly.

It was hard to put to words what he felt looking at Sendak. He didn’t remember him, but he had an impression of him. He thought that he was getting more the longer he stared at him. It wasn’t what he expected. He felt scared, yet relieved. It was hard to explain. Either way, he was a little sick, but couldn’t bring himself to move. He couldn’t look away. The edge of his vision was a little fuzzy and it made him feel disconnected to what was going on.

His head started to hurt as the room turned purple like before. Instead of guards coming for him he heard a voice talking to him sweetly.

“You’d love it. You’ll crave me, you’ll want me.” Shiro took a step back. “You are a lovely prize." The words vibrated in his skull and he felt exposed and vulnerable. He turned on his heels and decided to go back upstairs.

Maybe he shouldn’t be alone after all.

~.~.~.~.~

“Has anyone seen Shiro?” Allura asked.

“Not since yesterday,” Hunk informed her. “I think he’s still in his room.”

“I saw him head downstairs,” Pidge informed her. “Haven’t seen him come back up though.”

“We have to apologize,” Keith said. “We shouldn’t have put him on the spot like that”

“We know,” Lance sighed. “So what’s your plan?”

Pidge said. “What are we apologizing for exactly? He may have freaked out, but he never explained what was happening. He looked pretty happy to be there to me.” She crossed her arms.  

“Pidge has a point,” Hunk nodded.

“He could have freaked out from taking a good look in the mirror,” Lance added.

“There has to be more to this,” Keith pleaded. “Shiro isn’t like that.”

“Then what was all that?” Pidge demanded. “Cause there’s also the stuff of him with Sendak.”

“Why are you still going through those files?” Keith bristled.

“Because Shiro slept with the Emperor and was supposedly set free by an undercover rebellion group. And it’s not just that. There are videos of him killing outside of the arena for Zarkon, and much more. The one we played was the tamest one I could find.” Pidge huffed. “I want answers before we meet up with these guys. What if Allura is right and it is a trap. What if Shiro is…”

“He’s not,” Keith snapped. “Didn’t Ulaz just help you track down your brother? How could you not…”

“That doesn’t prove anything,” Pidge defended. “Besides, you don’t think it’s weird that he happened to be able to find the exact moment that Matt escaped? I’m not sure if we should believe what he says.”

“Just because he a Galra doesn’t mean-”

“Keith,” Allura said calmly, cutting him off. “Pidge makes a few fair points. There are some oddities in that tape. Did anyone else notice those jewels on his back? I’m not sure if the meaning has changed but they are reserved for the concubine of a ruler. And the different colors show how many others have been with him and how many times.”

“What part of he was held prisoner do you not understand?” Keith was trying not to yell. “Even if he went along with it, what is he supposed to do if the Emperor demands that you go to bed with him? He couldn’t have said no.”

“And Sendak?” Pidge crossed her arms.

“He wasn’t in a position of power.” Keith ground his teeth.

“I kind of see what he means.” Hunk said. “But we don’t know for sure, and Shiro doesn’t remember.”

"His reaction was enough,” Keith said.

“We’ll apologize as a group. I already did so last night. Let’s not cause too much of a fuss about it for the moment. We’ll keep an eye on him and see where things go. Report any odd behavior back to me.”

“I don’t get how you guys are still questioning this. Shiro and Ulaz have been nothing but loyal. There’s a lot of stuff going on, but I know there’s a good explanation.” Keith said firmly.

“Even so, it doesn’t hurt to be cautious,” Allura said. “We won’t confront them, but I don’t want to be sorry about this later.”

“Whatever,” Keith got up. “But I’m telling you, there’s no way…”

“What if he gave up,” Hunk asked. There was a brief silence as everyone considered it. “What if he gave up and, I don’t know decided to go with the flow, join the winners’ side. I mean, what were the odds of him getting rescued? Hundreds of thousands of light years away from Earth caught in a war. Maybe he realized this was his new life and maybe knew he had to have the favor of the guys in charge in to survive. Even if he is lying about his memory loss, maybe he just doesn’t want to admit what he had to do to survive.” Hunk kept going when no one replies. “It’s just a thought.”

“Maybe,” Keith said. He didn’t want to consider that as an option. Shiro had always been strong. There was no way that he would succumb to desperation, even if the situation seemed hopeless. That’s not the kind of person he was. “Let’s go easy on him, okay?”

~.~.~.~.~

Shiro hadn’t been expecting them to ambush him to apologize, but he appreciated it. He smiled and told them that it was alright and that he wasn’t mad at them. He let them know that while he wasn’t completely okay, that he was working through it. Ulaz was by his side when it happened.

Shiro turned the conversation around as soon as he could and asked them how their training had gone. He didn’t want to talk about it with them. It was bad enough they saw him naked and under Zarkon. It was embarrassing, and he’d rather not dwell on it. And he was glad that they seemed to respect that. He didn’t receive any pity eyes from them. They all seemed ready to go back to their usual flow.

Except for Keith. He didn’t say it, but he was keeping an eye on Shiro. But he kind of expected it. He and Keith were like brothers. They looked out for each other. But Shiro couldn’t face him right now.

It was easier for him to be holed up in his room until he was needed. But that made him feel pathetic. And to be honest, he didn’t want to be alone right now. Ulaz was good company, but he also was getting an uneasy feeling when he was around him. He thinks Ulaz’s presence is starting to trigger his memory, and the few bits he was getting back made his stomach churn.

Body memories were intrusive and violating. He felt everything from the pain, to the fear. It was like he was reliving the moment over again. Screams and of the past brought tears to his eyes and he needed time to compose himself. He had to work hard to not let it show, and he likes to think he’s doing a good job of it.  

It was easier to ignore when he had something to keep him busy. So he agreed to one of their movie nights. It was The Little Mermaid. He didn’t care for it, but it was easier for him to try and keep his attention on the screen than fall back into his own mind. He wasn’t even bothered by the Paladin’s renditions of Under the Sea. Ulaz found it entertaining as well. He was purring softly (Shiro thinks he may be the only one who hears him) as he watched them sing.

It was nice to be doing something light-hearted. He could also see Keith explaining some of the many myths of mermaids to Allura, who looked enthralled by the lecture. Allura was always intrigued by facts about Earth. 

It was a nice end to the day.

~.~.~.~.~

Shiro woke up in a cold sweat. He pushed himself off the bed on shaky limbs and stumbled out of bed ready to run. Run where? He wasn’t sure, but all the nightmares he’d been having made him want to flee. But he was safe on the ship. He had to remember that. He laid back down knowing he wouldn’t go back to sleep any time soon. He took a deep breath so he could calm down.

He looked up at the ceiling, waiting for time to pass. But the longer he laid there the more it felt like the darkness was creeping up around him and suffocating him. He wrapped his blanket tighter around himself. But he still couldn’t fight back his fear.

He caved and turned the light on. He hadn’t slept with the lights on since he was six. So he guessed it made sense that he was curled up in the corner of his bed like a scared child. There was something lurking in every corner of his room. It was going to come out and drag him away. He couldn’t see it, but he knew it was there. 

He was sounding paranoid. He knows that, but it didn’t take away his fear. He couldn’t sleep. He stayed up the rest of the night until he could hear the other Paladins in the hallway. They were arguing over bathroom time again. He hated having to get in the middle of these things, but being around people made him feel safer than being alone.

“What’s going on?”  Shiro asked them. He wasn’t surprised by the scene in front of him. Pidge had her legs crossed as she tried not to go. Hunk was banging on the door. And Keith had his knife out, trying to break the lock.

“Lance won’t get out of the bathroom!” Pidge whined. “He’s been in there for like an hour.”

“Move over,” Shiro moved Hunk and Keith out of the way and pounded his metal hand against the door. “Lance! There’s a line forming. You have to at least let everyone go before you tie up the bathroom like this!”

“Hold on!” Lance called back.

“Now Lance! If Pidge goes out here you’re gonna be the one cleaning it up.”

The door opened revealing a huffy Lance. Only half his face mask was on and he was in his Paladin robe and slippers. His hair was still up in curlers. Shiro wasn’t even sure where Lance found the stuff for his “beauty regimen.”

“Thank God,” Pidge darted past Lance and slammed the door shut.

“Next time make sure no one has to go to the bathroom before you start with…all that.” Shiro made a vague motion in Lance’s general direction. “Nothing wrong with taking pride in the way you look. You just have to have to be considerate of the others.”

Lance huffed but agreed to do so in the future.

“Are you guys going to be alright after this?” Shiro asked them.

“Yeah, yeah,” Lance rolled his eyes. “Everyone needs to hurry up so I can wash the rest of this stuff off my face.”

“I’ll see you guys at breakfast,” Shiro waved. Once things settled they could sort things out on their own.

Coran was cooking today. Shiro was glad for it. The food goo came out room temperature or cold. With the way things have been going recently, this ship was starting to feel like a gilded cage. Gruel-Like food only enforced that. He’d been dying for something hot to eat. Coran was actually a half decent cook, and it was refreshing to have something with flavor.

Ulaz was already in the kitchen chatting with Coran. It was nice to see Ulaz getting along with someone else on the ship.

“What’s for breakfast?” Shiro greeted them.

“Nothing you’ll be able to pronounce,” Coran replied smoothly. “I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Shiro took a seat and waited. Ulaz and Coran continued their conversation about how to fix up the equipment in the medical wing. He’d forgotten that Ulaz was an actual doctor. He would have an opinion on how well their medical supplies were stocked. He also had a few tips on how to make their healing pods more efficient.

“I’ll run it by the Princess,” Coran assured him.

Shiro was glad to get to eat once Coran was done cooking. He didn’t feel bad about getting first dibs for once. If he waited for the others, everything would be cold by the time they got here. But that was a good thing. He wasn’t in a talkative mood this morning. Coran and Ulaz seemed to understand and let him be. Shiro let them know that he was going to be on the Observation Deck if anyone needed him.

He needed a few moments to himself where he could sit and reflect without fear. For some reason, he was never scared when he was here. He relaxed into the couch and watched the stars. It still threw him off that it was day time, but they could see the stars. Even on his missions for the garrison, he found it to be surreal. He didn’t mind though. Looking out helped him to relax.

“How are you holding up?” Keith took a seat next to him.

“I’m as okay as I can be,” Shiro admitted.

“I’m sorry about…”

“It’s fine,” Shiro tried to smile. “I’m not mad.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“You mean meeting the Blades? I don’t think it’s going to be as bad as everyone is making it out to be.”

“That’s not it either,” Keith said. “It has nothing to do with…”

“I know,” Shiro finally let up. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet. There’s been a lot going on and it’s a lot to process.”

“The others are getting restless,” Keith informed him. “They’re gonna want some sort of sit down before we get to the Blades. So we can smooth things over before we start to deal with a new group.”

“I know,” Shiro sighed, but he was glad to see Keith thinking critically about the situation. Keith had it in him to be a leader, Shiro knew that. He just needed a push in the right direction.

“I’m not excited about it.” Keith sighed. “It feels like the team is splitting up.”

“We’re not going to. Even if everyone has their own issues, we all share a common goal. We’ll work it out.” Shiro assured him.

“I’m not sure about that,” Keith sighed. “They all seem pretty convinced that at some point you were loyal to Zarkon and may still be.”

Shiro shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal and Keith frowned.

“Don’t close up on me,” Keith’s voice was low. “I know you weren’t. I want to convince them of that. Allura has been over-analyzing everything and giving everyone misinformation. I want to help. I don’t need to know everything, but I do need you to trust me.”

“You know I always trust you,” Shiro managed to give him a small smile. “There’s not much to tell.”

“Well, I got your back,” Keith let him know. “No matter how this turns out.” He grasped Shiro’s shoulder firmly to show that he meant it.

~.~.~.~.~

Shiro announcing that they needed to talk was greeted by a lot of bad break-up puns from Lance. But they all agreed that there was an undoubted tension that needed to be addressed. As Hunk put it, “We need to lay all the cards on the table and go from there.” This prompted Ulaz to have to ask what cards had to do with any of this. Shiro tried not to snort as he explained the idiom.

Coran wanted to be there to mediate the conversation. It was decided that they would do it after dinner. It would give everyone time to get their thoughts in order. It was supposed to be a calm discussion, no yelling, no shouting. Everyone gets to talk. No one gets to interrupt.

It was simple, but Shiro knew this was going to be difficult. No one wanted Ulaz to be there since this was a “Paladin matter,” but Ulaz was a part of all this. He was on the ship and deserved the right to be there.

By the time they all got together for this talk in the lounge, everyone was less than happy to be there. Shiro tried to stay upbeat. He needed to keep control and make sure that they got to the problem rather than dancing around it any longer.

“So, let’s get started,” Shiro rubbed his hands together. “Who wants to go first?”

Allura, never shy, was the first to speak, “I need assurance that you aren’t still loyal to Zarkon and that Ulaz isn’t apart of some bigger conspiracy.”

“He was never loyal to him,” Keith interjected. “We’ve been over this a thousand times.”

“But it does look bad,” Hunk admitted. “I’m not saying there isn’t a reason for it. But it looks one way.”

“The whole situation is a bit…adult,” Shiro said not sure if that would translate with Allura. “I’m not sure how much of it I can actually explain in this kind of setting.”

“We’re not kids ya know,” Lance crossed his arm. “Well, Pidge is.”

“Hey,” Pidge objected. “I turned sixteen during all this I’ll have you know.”

“You can omit certain details if you must,” Coran said. Shiro nodded. Coran seemed to get the jist of what happened.

“I was never loyal to Zarkon,” Shiro said. “What I did, I did to survive. I can’t go into detail about everything; but when I was called to his side it was very clear what my role was to be, and how I had to act. There were repercussions when I didn’t. There are still a lot of things I don’t remember, but I can tell you for a fact that I was never loyal to Zarkon.”

“How do you explain your back? Those jewels are meant to decorate concubines and members of a harem with high status. After what we saw, you can understand my concern.” Allura frowned.

Shiro was quiet for a second as if collecting his thoughts. He took a deep heaving breath and for a second Keith was worried that Shiro was going to lose composure. Instead, Shiro held it together and spoke up for himself.

“It was meant to be humiliating,” Shiro said simply. He remembered that much. It started in the arena he thinks, but he wasn’t ready to go there. All he knew was that they were put there so when he was on his back, being abused he could be reminded of how many others were there before, and how many times he was made to submit.

“And the one on my hand is to show my rank as a gladiator.” Shiro went on.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking how you came to this conclusion? Is this a convenient memory or did Ulaz tell you this?”

“I’ve been remembering more. I’ve been getting triggered more often and piecing together the bits that I do know. There are a few blanks that Ulaz fills in, but he’s not spoon feeding me answers. I can’t explain the way my mind works. I’ve never had amnesia before, and the more I try to remember the harder it gets. I have to let things come to me naturally and I’m never sure what will trigger a flashback.” Shiro admitted.

“And Ulaz?”Allura asked. “You trust him so blindly. It’s concerning.”

“I remember him. I know I can trust him.” Shiro said. “He helped me before, not just when he set me free. I don’t expect him to turn on me now. What is the worst case scenario that you guys are imagining? We’ve gone over this before. It makes no sense to set me free if he was with the Empire.”

“She thinks you were evil all along,” Keith said.

“Keith-” Allura went to stop him.

“We said no interrupting,” Keith reminded her. “She thinks you came to Earth for the Blue Lion, but we intercepted you and that you’ve been going along with it until we had all the lions. Now you’ve met up with one of your handlers and plan to take us back to base.”

“Really?” Shiro looked bemused. “It’s not like that. Trust me, no one wants to overthrow Zarkon more than me. And I’m sure Ulaz feels the same.” He looked to the galra for confirmation.

“My organization has been trying to defeat the Empire for hundreds of years,” Ulaz nodded. “I understand your fears, but I can assure you that we want the same things. We want Zarkon’s reign to end and to free the universe of his tyranny.”

Allura looked at Ulaz for a long time before she seemed to nod and give in.

“Okay,” Allura said. She was satisfied for the moment. “Let’s try to move forward from here. Shiro, I’m sorry for-”

“You don’t have to apologize, I get it,” Shiro said as he stood.

The air was clearing, and though it hadn’t quite lifted, it was a start.

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying this so far!  
> More to come next week. I'll see you then ^^


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to move forward and meet the Blades

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, there's gonna be a two-week break after this so I can catch up on editing, but I think this chapter should tide you over;)

Shiro’s hands were shaking as he finally got to take a deep breath. He was alone in his room. He had opted out of movie night. He told them he wasn’t feeling well, which he wasn’t. His fever was starting to climb again, and his own anxieties were making him feel worse.

Tucking himself under the blankets,  he turns his light down so it would simulate night and closed his eyes. He didn’t sleep, but he did rest. For once he didn’t have to move around to feel better. He stayed wrapped in the covers, one arm under his pillow for neck support.

He let his mind drift. He wanted to be anywhere but here!

He couldn’t believe that he had to admit all that to them. He wasn’t sure what was worse, having to explain it or the looks of indifference turned to pity once he did. He didn’t want to deal with this anymore. but he knew from the looks they were giving him that they had more questions for him.

Questions he didn’t want to answer.

Answers he didn’t want to think about.

But for now, he had peace. Most of them were having trouble looking him in the eye since their meeting. He doubted they would come looking for him if he skipped breakfast tomorrow.

He couldn’t do that though. They were finally going to land tomorrow and meet the Blades. He had to be up and ready for that. He knew that it would be a long day. At least with everyone's suspicions lowered things should go smoother. He knows Allura is itching to get back out there and fight, but Shiro was glad for the break that this brought.

He felt like he was pushed from one battle to the next. It was taking its toll.

Shiro sat up when he heard a soft beep coming from one of the bedside panels. Someone was requesting entrance to his room. He sighed and allowed it. If they came to get him after he went to bed then it must be important.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Ulaz spoke softly as if he expected Shiro to be asleep.

“It didn’t go as bad as I thought it would,” Shiro confessed. He smoothed his bangs away from his face. Suddenly, he was a little self-conscious about only wearing his tank top to bed. It dipped a little low in the front and he could only imagine what Ulaz must be thinking looking at him like this.

“I was surprised as well,” Ulaz admitted. It was odd seeing him standing in the middle of his room. He looked a little awkward like he didn’t belong.

“You can sit down if you want,” Shiro pulled the blankets up and around his shoulders as he slid over to make room for Ulaz.

“Thank you,” Ulaz sat next to him. “Are you feeling cold.”

“I’m still a little warm,” Shiro confessed.

“Then why use a blanket?”

“I prefer sleeping with a blanket. Even in the summer I always have a light blanket over me.”

“Summer is your planet's warm season?”

“Yes.” There was a brief silence before Shiro spoke again. “You know, you don’t have to check up on me.”

“I wanted to,” Ulaz declared. “Everyone else goes to each other for reassurance, even now they’re all comforting each other. You had to explain something very personal, and painful. I feared you may not be as well as you tried to appear during the meeting.”

“I’m as good as I can be.”

“Which isn’t very good considering the circumstances.” Ulaz frowned. “I’m not here to pressure you, but if you need someone to talk to and confide in, I’m always available.”

Shiro felt the corners of his mouth turn upwards. That was sweet of Ulaz to say. It was nice that he was even thinking about him in that way. He always seemed to want to take care of Shiro.

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” Shiro answered back. “But right now I’m alright.”

“There’s no need to lie. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m still a little sick. I can’t get rid of this elevation,” Shiro confessed.

Ulaz reached out and felt his forehead. He moved lower so both hands could feel under Shiro’s jaws to detect if his glands were swelling. It felt nice to feel a gentle touch. How long had it been since he felt comfortable enough to let some do this? He hadn’t realized how touched starved he was. He found himself leaning into those hands, his eyes fluttering closed.

“Do you have any other symptoms?”

“A bit of a stomach ache. But I get that when I’m nervous sometimes.”

“The events of today might account for that.” Ulaz read between the lines. “How long have you felt discomfort?” Ulaz removed his hands and Shiro mourned the loss. But he didn’t know the appropriate way to ask for more despite how desperately he needed it.

“Today and a little bit yesterday. It’s not that bad.”

“Have you had anything to eat besides breakfast?”

“I ate dinner. Two helpings.” He was actually considering getting a third, but his stomach wasn’t agreeing with him so he left it alone.

“Could you have eaten too much?” Ulaz asked. “Or it could be the food. I haven’t ever seen a ship that still dispenses that particular kind. It was designed to be non-perishable and last throughout the years, but ten thousand is a very long time.”

“You think I have food poising from eating rotten food.” Shiro’s face scrunched.

“Coran assured me that what you are consuming is safe to eat, but I’m not so sure about that anymore. Depending on the way the food was stored, some batches may not be as good as others.”

“But no one else is complaining about it besides me,” Shiro reminded him.

“That is true,” Ulaz’s ears went down as he thought. “Let’s keep an eye on your symptoms. If anything starts to feel worse let me know.”

“I will,” Shiro promised. “But it’s not that bad,” he laid down and shifted a little so Ulaz was still in his line of sight. “It’s a little uncomfortable but it will pass.”

“I see,” Ulaz sounded like he was in thought. “I’ll let you get some sleep.” He stood to leave.

“You don’t have to go,” Shiro said. He watched the way Ulaz’s ears perked in question: one of them going a little higher than the other. “I like your company.”

Ulaz looked surprised by this but sat down next to Shiro all the same. They stayed up talking the rest of the night until Shiro started to yawn, and Ulaz’s eyes were heavy. Shiro invited Ulaz to stay the night and found himself tucked up next to him. And for once he fell asleep without much trouble. There was something soothing about resting against Ulaz, hearing his heartbeat, feeling his arm thrown over his waist and their legs tangling together.

Ulaz purrs in his sleep.  It was a low rumble in his chest that Shiro found calming, familiar. It was like that time he was injured after a fight and Ulaz stayed the night with him in the infirmary. They didn’t talk much, but Ulaz stayed close and monitored him, eventually falling asleep in his chair. Shiro had gotten real food that night and he knew he wouldn’t have to deal with fights or Hagar, or Sendak, for at least a week.

He had been in pain but it had been one of his more peaceful days.

~.~.~.~.~

They finally landed at the rendezvous point. The Blades should be arriving at any moment. There was nervous energy about the ship. Even Coran was on edge. The particle barrier was up and Allura had the weapons cued up and ready to go.

“They should be here soon,” Ulaz said. And sure enough, they could soon see another ship coming towards them.

“That didn’t show on the scanners,” Allura and Coran were frantically going through protocols of the ship to figure out what was going on.

“They’re cloaked,” Ulaz said. “As I said before, we’re a secret organization. They want to make sure they weren’t tracked to this location. It works in both of our favors.”

The ship landed and the moment had finally come.

“Are you guys ready?” Shiro asked. They were already in their Paladin armor.

“How are we doing this again?” Hunk asked. “Cause I don’t want to be the guy who has to go out there. I don’t want to take a chance of being maimed or killed, no offense Ulaz.”

“It’s supposed to be me and one other person for the initial meeting.” Shiro started to go over the plan again. “But when we do start to collaborate…”

“If,” Allura reminded him.

“If we choose to team up and plan something out, we’re going to have to meet either on their ship or our ship. And I figured you guys would feel more comfortable having them on your home turf.”

“It would be preferable.” Allura agreed.

“So who has to go?” Lance asked. “You might want someone who can, ya know, keep a level head in the face of danger.”

Shiro guessed Lance’s need to prove himself to the team outweighed his fear of meeting with a secret galran organization.

“I’m taking Keith with me.” Shiro decided that a while ago.

“W-what!” Lance was a little flabbergasted. “Why him! You’ve seen him on other missions. He as impulsive as they come. He’s not gonna be any good in this kind of a delicate situation.”

“It’s a formal meeting, and he’s the literal right hand. It’s only proper.” Shiro reasoned.

“Wait,” Hunk interrupted. “Keith has been second in command this whole time?”

“That is traditionally how it works,” Allura nodded. “My father held the same position.”

“There’s an incoming transmission.” Coran put it on the screen. It was a set of instructions to remind them of their arrangement. Only two may be at the initial meeting and they should come unarmed.

“Wait, does that mean Ulaz stays with us?” Pidge asked.

“For the meantime,” Shiro said. “We’ll be back in a tick.”

Shiro was a little cautious about this meeting. Not for the same reason as the others. He was worried that the Blades wouldn’t want to work with them. This was their first time meeting up with another rebellion group. He wanted it to go well so they could add to their numbers. With a group that had more know-how to the current status of the universe, they could better coordinate their attacks.

He and Keith were walking towards the Marmora ship. Two Blade members were approaching them as well.

“They said for us to come unarmed, but they still have their swords with them.” Keith pointed out.

“Yeah, I noticed that too,” Shiro frowned. “Let’s stay calm. Maybe it’s just a precaution.”

“It seems off.”

“I know,” Shiro said. He wasn’t worried about that. Even in his Paladin armor, he could activate his arm if he needed to. And sure these two were huge, but something told him he defeated bigger and stronger. He wasn’t scared of them.

They stopped directly between the two ships. Both galra were bigger than he and Keith. He had to crane his neck to attempt to look this guy in the eyes. Which was a challenge, since they were both wearing their masks.

“I am Kolivan,” the shorter one spoke. “I’m the leader of the Blade of Marmora.”

“My name is Shiro, and this is Keith. We’re Paladins of Voltron.”

“We know who you are.” Was Kolivan’s abrupt response. There was an edge of agitation to his tone.

So they weren’t getting off to a good start so far.

“As you know, Ulaz put us in contact with you.” Shiro started to explain.

“Ulaz shouldn’t have told you about the Thaldycon base, to begin with.”

“Regardless, we’re here now. Voltron is ready to assist you. Are you open to forming an alliance or not?” Shiro kept his voice firm. Ulaz made it sound like this would go smoothly, but it seemed like Kolivan wasn’t open to working with other people.

“We’ve seen your work,” Kolivan said. “We’re not opposed to it, but our priority in this meeting was collecting Ulaz.”

“If you wanted Ulaz then he could have flown back to you, but you guys agreed to this meeting.”

“We were curious about your organization. We needed to check to see if Ulaz’s investment was actually worth anything.”

“Is that your way of saying you won’t work with us?” Shiro asked. “We went out of our way to meet you. I’d rather this wasn’t a waste of both of our time.”

Kolivan didn’t respond to him right away. Their gaze stayed locked, or at least Shiro thinks their gaze stayed locked. Kolivan was watching him before he finally spoke.

“As I said before, we’ve seen your work. I think we can find a way to coordinate. Now if you don’t mind I would like to see my subordinate before we continue this.”

“Of course,” Shiro managed to get Coran on the line as he led the way back to the entrance. “We’re on our way back with the Blades. They want to meet.”

“Allura says it’s okay,” Coran informed them. “We await your return.”

~.~.~.~.~

Despite the hard time they gave Shiro, Kolivan removed his mask and actually took a knee and bowed his head when he came face to face with Allura. But Shiro guessed it was a good thing. They both agreed to help each other, though Kolivan expressed the need for immediate assistance.

The conversation was taken to the bridge.

“Sir,” Ulaz greeted Kolivan.

“I’ll deal with you after this,” Kolivan held him with his gaze for no more than a tick before he continued. “As you know we have many members undercover in different positions around the Empire. Due to recent incidents, one of our operatives who infiltrated the hierarchy may be in danger. Hagar is now aware of our presence and is looking for him. I would like to extract him before he and the information he has gathered is lost.”

“You want to attack the Central Command System?” Allura was a little alarmed by the idea.

“It wouldn’t be a full frontal attack.” Kolivan went on after Antok, the other Galra with him, pulled up a detailed plan. “We would have help from the inside and if we do this right we can move Zarkon away from his fleet. It would leave him with fewer defenses and his system without a center.”

“We’re after the main ship?” Ulaz seemed worried. “That means that Thace…”

“Yes,” Kolivan didn’t spare him a glance. Ulaz’s ears went down. “Thace is under investigation. After your escape and Thace assisting in Voltron’s retreat, there’s a search being conducted to find the spy. But it gives us an opportunity to strike.”

Shiro felt his cheeks color in shame. He remembered all too well when they had attempted to attack the Central Command System. Allura had been captured saving Shiro when they tried to investigate an imperial base. They had to rescue Allura, but didn’t have much time to plan their attack. He hadn’t known that they put this Thace guy in danger because of their sloppy operation. Now they were face to face with the consequences.

But there was more to it. It wasn’t only his face that was getting hot. He could feel his whole body starting to get warm. His skin was abuzz with a yearning to be touched and his heart rate was starting to pick up. He kept quiet about it. He would deal with it after the meeting. He crossed his arms and tried to stay focused, but there was something very wrong. This feeling was similar to arousal, but more.

Allura was looking at the details of the plan. She was questioning a few of the positions and Kolivan was the one who answered her about… Shiro wasn’t sure what was being said. His hearing was starting to feel muffled and his vision was a little cloudy. He could only think about how much he wanted to be touched and…

“Are you okay?” Kolivan’s voice came through. He was looking at him with a worried expression. Everyone was looking at him.

“I’m fine,” Shiro said as smoothly as he could. He used his hand to loosen the collar of his Paladin armor.

Kolivan kept a steady gaze on him. Shiro shivered.

“I’m fine. Really. Go on.”

“I still think that if we move the Castle Ship here.” Allura was ready to get back on subject. “What do you think.”

“Actually,” Shiro started to say. It was hard to stay focused. His knees felt like jelly and he could feel something slick between his legs as he grew hotter. Something inside him was churning and begging for release. “It would be better if,” he took a step forward so he could interact with the hologram, despite how dizzy he felt.

He couldn’t screw this meeting up. He put on his brave face and straightened himself up as he gave his opinion. He had to put effort into staying focused but he managed. Though it felt like an eternity, the meeting ended and they had a solid plan down after a few varga. It had a lot of moving parts, but he had to admit it was ingenious.

But by this point, he was sweating profusely, and everyone noticed how red he was. Keith looked in his direction concerned, but he also took a sniff of the air like he smelled something. Shiro didn’t like the way they were all looking at him. It was unsettling to be stuck in the room with so many people when he was like this. He felt, vulnerable and exposed, but he still couldn’t contain how aroused he was.

“Shiro?” Keith still looked worried. “Are you okay.”

“I’m alright,” Shiro tried not to croak. “I’m just a little sick,” He lied. Well, it might not be a lie. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with him.  More than anything he wanted someone to…to…he didn’t want to think about it, but his body was craving it.

“Shiro,” Ulaz’s hand was on his cheek to get him to look at him while he checked him over. It felt so good to finally have some sort of contact. He had to fight back a moan that got caught in his throat. “What are your symptoms?”

“Everything from yesterday, times ten.” Shiro neglected to tell him about the slick that was starting to work its way down his thighs. He couldn’t tell him that with everyone else around. The thought of it made him have to hide.

“It seems like it’s his time,” Kolivan said coolly.

“His what?” Pidge was confused, but this all sounded familiar to her.

“I take it from your reaction that this isn’t the norm for you?” Kolivan asked.

“Even with the surgeries and modification he received, that should not be an option for him.” Ulaz disagreed.

“Are you sure?” Kolivan sounded skeptical.

“What are you talking about?” Keith demanded.

“Yes, I was present for all of them.” Ulaz defended.

“Not all of them,” Pidge piped in. She finally remembered why this sounded so familiar. This caught the attention of everyone in the room. “There was one when he was with Sendak. The file said that there was some other doctor who performed the surgery.”

“What,” Ulaz didn’t sound pleased. Actually, he growled, and Shiro would be damned if he said that in his current state he didn’t find it arousing. He leaned his face into Ulaz’s hand and let his eyes flutter closed. He wanted to be as close as possible.

Pidge pulled up the file and showed Ulaz what he was talking about. Pidge didn’t seem to know enough of the language to understand what kind of changes had been made but Ulaz did. He was so angry he was shaking as he read through everything that had been done. He let out a deep breath that sounded a lot like a hiss before he pulled himself together. Now wasn’t the time to be blinded by feelings. He had to take care of Shiro.

“I’m sorry. I should have kept better track of the encrypted files.” Ulaz lamented. He looked down at Shiro as he apologized. “You should lay down so you can be more comfortable.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Keith interrupted. “Is he going to be okay?”

“He’ll be fine,” Kolivan assured them. “What he’s going through will only cause discomfort. There’s no long lasting injury.”

“But what is wrong with him?” Lance asked. Ulaz already escorted Shiro out of the room.

“I’m not quite sure how to explain it to ones so young,” Kolivan admitted.

“Hey, everyone but Pidge is considered an adult.” Lance crossed his arms. “We can handle it.”

Kolivan looked to Coran, who shrugged. They both seemed to understand what was going on.

“It’s complicated to explain.” Coran tried to go into detail, but he wasn’t sure how. “And if it isn’t normal for his kind, I don’t think he would want us explaining it. Shiro’s a private person.”

“We’ll leave it up to him then,” Kolivan decided. “I do have some medication that should help. After I give it to him he should only need a bit of rest.”

~.~.~.~.~

Shiro wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He’d never been this horny, or this sensitive. All he wanted was for someone to mount him and take him until this heat passed.

Once he was in the room he started to undress. He needed to get out of these clothes. He didn’t even care that Ulaz was in the room with him, but Ulaz did.

“Um, Shiro…”

“Sorry,” Shiro apologized as he started to shimmy out of his pants. His body was flushed pink. His nipples were perked and showing through the top of his undersuit. Taking it off left him a mess as it brushed against his body.

“Ulaz,” Shiro’s voice was full of want. “What’s happening to me?”

“You’re in heat,” Kolivan answered. Shiro hadn’t even heard him come in.

“What?” Shiro was confused by the words.

“You’re in heat. Your body is experiencing a heightened sense of arousal to be more receptive to…let’s say mating.”

“Mating?” Shiro felt his skin crawl.

“Sexual activity,” Kolivan tried to clean it up when he saw how distressed Shiro was. “There’s medication for it,” Kolivan produced a bottle of pills. “You only need half the dose of a galran, but it should help to relieve the symptoms. If you take it regularly it should help keep this from occurring too often and to this extreme.”

Shiro, standing in only his boxers, took the pills gratefully.

“Wait…why do you have these on you?” Shiro asked skeptically.

“I keep them for myself,” Kolivan said like it was no big deal. He could see the confusion on Shiro’s face. “Ulaz can explain it to you.” Kolivan left them to handle the rest.

Shiro flopped on his bed, laying on his stomach, welcoming the coolness of the sheets. Ulaz looked away, trying not to stare at the wet spot where Shiro had soaked through his underwear. Now that he was bare, Ulaz could smell him better. How had he not realized what this was? He should have recognized the symptoms.

Shiro was struggling to get the pill bottle open because of his shaky hands.

“Let me,” Ulaz took the bottle from him and gave him only one for now. Shiro swallowed it dry and laid back down.

“What did they do to me?” Shiro pulled the blanket over himself as he crossed his legs trying to hide his growing erection.

“It’s complicated to explain. Do you remember the surgery I had to do, the one that allowed you to self lubricate as well as making it easier for you to…”

“So I could ‘better accommodate them.’ Yeah, I remember that one.” Shiro grimaced. There had been an uproar when it was realized what the purpose of the anus was. Zarkon didn’t want to do something so dirty but he also wasn’t willing to give Shiro up. So he had a place carved out for him. A second entrance that was placed between his ass and balls. “Zarkon used it as a form of humiliation. Didn’t it also make it so…”

 “It was easier to arouse you using certain stimuli, yes.” Ulaz wanted to avoid talking about the subject of penetration. Shiro seemed to be remembering more, but he wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or what may trigger a negative response.

“What did the other one do?” Shiro asked nervously.

“It amplified everything from the first surgery. I’m sorry I didn’t know Hagar let Sendak do that while you were with him.”

“How bad is it?”

“Perhaps I should start from the beginning.” Ulaz cleared his throat. “For Galra it isn’t about the difference between male and female. We are carriers and non-carriers. Most galra are born hermaphroditic to increase the chances of childbirth. Carriers are those who can carry children and non-carriers cannot. Carriers go through a phase when they are more likely to be impregnated.

“The brain uses a reward system, so to speak, to increase the chances of sex. This hot, needy feeling you’re getting is your body trying to promote the idea of sexual activity. The symptoms continue until you are knotted. A knot can only be formed right before ejaculation.”

“They changed me so I could pop out babies like a Pez dispenser!” Shiro looked terrified.

“No, that’s not it.” Ulaz clarified. “From what I can tell, breeding was never the idea behind these changes. It was only so you could better accommodate them during intercourse. The last few changes, I’m not sure what the motivation was. From what I read, I believe it was to make it easier to bond with your sexual partners.”

“What?”

“Well, they made it so that more oxytocin is released when your body responds to being knotted. It would be used to keep you loyal to Zarkon and Sendak if they planned on releasing you into the field.”

Shiro couldn’t shake the horrified expression from his face. His mouth opened and closed, but he couldn’t get a word out. He looked like he was heading for a breakdown, but also like he was contemplating something.

“Shiro…”

“How many bonds am I able to have, or is it a pile-on sort of thing?” Shiro asked.

“Well, from what you’ve told me, humans tend to be monogamous. From that, I’m  assuming you can only have one true bond.”

“So once I’m bonded with one person, I can’t be bonded to another.” Shiro sat up a little. The blankets slipped off his shoulders.

“That’s how it works, yes.” Ulaz gulped. He could see more of Shiro like this, perked nipples and the gentle slopes of his body. His smell was starting to fill the room, sweet and inviting.

“So if we were to…” Shiro’s voice was doused in lust.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea,” Ulaz said. “Not when you’re like this.”

“I trust you, Ulaz. I need this to end.” He was shaking with want. “It would be okay if you…”

“Give the medicine some time to kick in,” Ulaz stood up. “I’ll get you something to eat,” Ulaz left in a hurry.

Shiro flopped back down, embarrassed and horny. He can’t believe he asked that, and yet. He got his boxers off and sighed in relief. He grasped his erection, letting out a soft moan when he stoked himself. He reached a little further back to where he was leaking slick and pressed his finger inside. He let out a sigh as he started to pump two fingers in and out. He arched his back to get a better angle.

It felt so good to finally have something inside of him. He wished it was bigger, splitting him open. And he needed someone on top of him, pounding away at him until he came. The thought made his cock twitch.

He moaned, flipping to be on his back so he could relax into the sheets and let pleasure wash over him. He couldn’t hit the right spot, but the movement was enough to keep him satisfied. His cock was tenting in the blanket, leaving a wet spot where the tip was. He couldn’t remember a time when he was this horny, but his legs trembled as he continued finger fucking himself.

“Ah, yes!” His other hand flicked one of his nipples and his whole body jerked. It was like he was being over stimulated, but he still needed more, so much more. He squeezed his pectoral, keeping his nipple between his fingers. He wanted someone to lick it and suck it. Instead, he tugged at it and rubbed it until he was biting his lip and whimpering.

He fingers were scissoring and fucking him until he was squirming in the sheets. Pleasure zipped up his spine with each movement. A soft, “oh,” fell off his lips in surprise when he brushed against his prostate. He kept doing it relishing in the warmth of pleasure that consumed his body.

He was so caught up in this that he forgot that Ulaz said he would be coming back with food. The door to his room swished open and shut. Shiro jolted upright, trying to cover himself with the blanket. Ulaz was looking at him, eyes wide. Shiro was looking at him the same way but in embarrassment.

“I’ll just,” Ulaz didn’t know what to say. “I’ll leave this here.” He put the tray of food on the desk. “There’s water there too. I’ll come back in a varga or two to give you some privacy. Give me a call if you need me.” Ulaz was talking a mile a minute so he could make his retreat.

Shiro didn’t get a word in before the door closed. He couldn’t shake the feeling of shame from being caught. And yet, knowing that he would be left alone for a bit gave him a sense of security. His hands went back under the blankets so he could finally get off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, the 17thmuse was right.  
> Let's just hope the mission goes off without a hitch while he's like this ^^  
> Drop me a comment if you're enjoying this so far! I love hearing from you guys ^^


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of softness after all the angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot softer than the last few. They'll get back to business in the next chapter, which may or may not be in two weeks. If I'm fast then it will be in one, but don't hold me to that.   
> Anyways, enjoy ^^

Ulaz didn’t escape Kolivan’s lecture, but he was also ready to stand by his decision. Kolivan waited until he had his own room on the ship, so they would have privacy before he started yelling at him.

Ulaz kept his head down throughout it. It was always scary when Kolivan yelled. He showed all his teeth and his fur stood on edge. Antok was to Kolivan’s right, just as mad. He must have been getting lectured for at least half a varga.

“The High Priestess! You were one step away from being the official assistant of the High Priestess! Do you know what kind of intel we could have gathered from there?” Kolivan hissed. “Instead you take this gamble, you abandon your post, you abandon your cause.”

“I never abandoned my cause. I took a different route, but I never planned to desert.”

“A different route? You threw away our whole operation for one person, Ulaz, that’s unforgivable.”

“Kolivan…”

“No. You’re on probation for now. You won’t be on the ground for the next mission.”

“But Thace…”

“We have enough people. Your fellow Blades will be there as well.” Kolivan growled still agitated. “Why did you do it? You’ve never gone this far before. I know you’re impulsive, but this is beyond anything you’ve ever done.”

“I told you before, he’s a strong man. He brings hope and has natural leadership skills. The Blue Lion was on his home planet and I thought he could secure it for us, start an uprising.”

Kolivan watched him for a second before he let out a huff, “I expect better from you in the future.”

“My apologies. I am sorry for…”

“No, you’re not. Not yet. You’ll be punished when we get back to base.” Kolivan let it be after that. He turned to leave before he gave Ulaz a few last words. “I’m glad to see you’re okay.”

Ulaz let his ears go up at that one. It was remarkable how Kolivan was a strong disciplined leader, but also a caring individual. He would never understand how he found an equilibrium. To care so much, but to also send the ones you care for out into dangerous situations.

Nonetheless, he was a little worried about the consequence he would have to face. At least they were going to get Thace. He hadn’t meant to cause trouble for him. He could only hope that they got to him in time.

The planning had gone over well. Shiro was able to come out of his room by lunchtime. Even though he had showered Ulaz could still smell his lingering heat. The Paladins were demanding to know what happened. Shiro managed to explain it the best he could without blushing.

“It’s a complication from the experiments,” Shiro said. “Some of the changes make me feel a little sick sometimes. But the symptoms are predictable, so it makes it easy to manage.”

“So even after everything you went through, you’re still suffering?” Keith looked ready to blow a gasket. “That’s not fair!”

“It’s not that bad,” Shiro assured them. “What Kolivan gave me helped. We’ve managed to get a solid plan down. We’re gonna start gathering the last few things we need today so we can begin prep tomorrow.”

Shiro made quick work of breaking them up into teams. He explained what their duties and responsibilities would be. They would take off in a varga. Kolivan was surprised by how he pulled himself together and took charge again. He wasn’t distracted or preoccupied about his condition. He only stopped briefly to thank Kolivan for the medication, and once to talk to Ulaz.

“I wanted to apologize about what I asked of you earlier.” Shiro kept his voice low even though the others were across the room.

“It’s okay. I know it was the fever talking.” Ulaz assured him.

“I wanted to make sure I said something regardless. It was an unfair position to put you in.” Shiro blushed bashfully. And Ulaz had to stop himself from smiling as he watched the way color took to Shiro’s cheeks.

“I’m not upset with you,” Ulaz assured him. He tried to ignore the way Antok was watching them interact. “I’m glad to see you’re doing well.”

“You weren’t kidding about whatever was in those pills. It didn’t take too long for me to be back up and at ‘em.”

“Up and at ‘em?”

“To be back on my feet. To feel better.”

“I see.”

“I’ll see you when I get back,” Shiro smiled. “I’m in charge of picking up Slav.”

“Good luck,” Ulaz waved as Shiro went. Ulaz got stuck on the Castle Ship for the time being. It meant he would get to go along with the Princess to the balmera. The beginning was uneventful. It was cool to watch the ritual that had to take place to take the crystal without causing harm to the balmera.

And of course, a robeast appeared and the team needed to assemble to beat it. It was amazing to see Voltron in action. It took his breath away to see it first hand and up so close. It only vindicated him. He knows he made the right choice.

“Good job today guys,” Shiro beamed at them. There was a bit of tension in his face, but it was because he was still coming down from the battle. “Let’s rest up and we’ll do some training tomorrow to prep for the next mission.”

Ulaz couldn’t help but be proud of him.

“You know,” Slav slid up to Shiro, and Ulaz watched Shiro’s eyebrow twitch. In some cultures, it was a show of aggravation, in others, it could also be a sign of arousal. But Ulaz had seen Shiro aroused, so he assumed it was the former rather than the latter. He’s going to guess that’s where the tension was coming from. Slav could be difficult to deal with at times.

“Yes Slav,” Shiro was trying not to growl.

“Your chances of victory would increase significantly if you had a post-mission celebration tonight.”

“I like the sound of that!” Lance pumped his fist into the air. The others seemed to agree.

“If you guys want to, you can do something in the lounge,” Allura suggested.

“I’ll make snacks.” Hunk declared.

“Oh, we can hook up my video game. I finally figured out how to get it to work!” Pidge jumped at the idea.

“If you want to you can,” Shiro said.

“You have to be there as well,” Slav said. “We all must, or our chances fall to a mere twenty-five percent in this reality. At least I’m pretty sure it’s this reality.” He mused before getting in Shiro’s face. “What way did the telescope in your room tend to face as a child? This prediction relies heavily on this information.” Slav asked holding onto Shiro’s shoulders.

Shiro’s eyes twitched as he removed Slav from himself, but he still humored him and answer, “East. Now, get off me.”

Kolivan looked amused as he watched the two. Very few people could put up with Slav.

“Then you must be there!” Slav insisted.

“Okay, I’ll be there,” Shiro assured him.

“Good,” Slav settled down. “Now let me get a peek at those teludav lenses. I need to make sure they are just right.”

“Coran can show you where they are.” Shiro passed him off. The others also started to disperse as too. Shiro let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m going to get lay down for a bit,” Shiro tried to make an exit.

“Do you want me to get you when the festivities start?” Keith didn’t try to hide his contempt for what was to come.

“No, I’m just taking a nap. I’ll be there.” Shiro assured him. But Ulaz could tell from Shiro’s disposition what he planned to do. Or maybe it was his imagination. Ever since he walked in on Shiro pleasuring himself, he found it hard to think about anything else.

~.~.~.~.~

“Anyone else hear Ulaz getting the riot act read to him?’ Lance asked as they set up. He managed to talk Keith into helping as well. Allura was somewhere in the castle. She said there was a box with lights she thought they may like for their festivities.

“It was hard not to hear it,” Pidge agreed.

“What do you think they’ll do to him?” Hunk asked.

“I don’t know. But I doubt it’s gonna be anything light.” Lance grunted as he tried to move one of the couches. Keith came over and helped him lift it.

“But it does prove that Ulaz never meant us any harm,” Keith added. “He risked a lot for us.”

“Yeah, yeah. We figured that out a while ago, Keith.”

“Do you even think their plan is gonna work?” Hunk asked. “It sounds like there’s a lot of risk on our side.”

“And depending on how long it takes Slav to build the teludav, Shiro might not be battle ready,” Pidge pointed out.

“Why wouldn’t he be?” Keith asked.

“Well, with what he’s going through. That horny fever thing.”

“He’s what?” Lance sputtered, dropping his side of the couch. Keith grunted as he took all the weight and set it on the floor. Lance continue talking. “No one said anything about horny.”

“I did some reading on the surgeries.” Pidge shrugged. “How do I put it in words you’ll understand. He’s in heat.”

“Like a dog?” Hunk asked.

“In some species, it’s considered normal. Galra go through it.”

“Why are you telling us this!” Keith hissed keeping his voice down as if he was worried someone would hear them. “If Shiro didn’t tell us then he didn’t want us to know. He deserves some privacy!”

“Oh my God!” Lance talked over him. “So earlier when Ulaz took him to the other room!”

“That’s not what happened!” Keith snapped.

“You saw the way Ulaz was with him. Cradling him in his arms, which Shiro melted into by the way.”

“He was resting his weight on him,” Keith corrected. “You’re reading way too far into this.”

“And he totally moaned when Ulaz touched him,” Lance reminded them.

“He did not,” Keith snapped.

“Actually, if I’m right about what it was,” Pidge cut in. “He would be so receptive to any kind of stimuli that even Lance’s touch could have gotten a reaction.”

“See,” Lance crossed his arms proudly before he fully understood what Pidge meant. “Wait a minute…”

They all laughed.

“But,” Keith said. “We shouldn’t read too much into it.”

“I agree,” Allura said. They all jumped when she came in. Her footsteps were always light. It was hard to know when she was coming and going. “We’ve established his credibility and found out more about him than he would like. We can lay this to rest.”

“I’m just saying,” Lance pouted. “Ulaz did take a while to come back.”

“If they were doing that,” Allura blushed and looked away, not comfortable with the subject. “He would have been gone much longer. Galra have certain…rituals. It would have taken some time.”

“And Ulaz has looked after Shiro this whole time. I don’t think he would have taken advantage of him in that way,” Keith added. He took this opportunity to change the subject. “Did you find the lights you were talking about?”

“Yes,” Allura pulled out a string of lights. “They should be able to wrap around the room and we can program the colors and pattern.”

“Sounds like fun,” Hunk started to help her untangle them.

“Weren’t you supposed to be cooking?” Lance asked, also ready to provide the Princess assistance.

“Everything is in the oven or chilling,” Hunk said. “You can take over if you like. I’ll help Keith with the couches.

“If you want to. I am pretty good at untangling things.” Lance bragged as they switched off.

“I’ve never seen you untangle anything a day in your life,” Pidge called him out. It was clear he was trying to spend time with Allura.

“I used to have to untangle my little sisters' bubble barrettes. You know, those little elastic hair things? Well, they get tangled really bad sometimes. And not just normal tangled, they pop you in the hand something fierce if you messed up. And there’s always that one that they love the most and won’t throw out even though the elastic is seeping out through the string and making it sticky and gross. Or there’s no elastic at all and it’s just string and it becomes this long thread that takes forever to undo. But they can’t leave it on their desk once they have it. It goes back in with the others and you’re untangling it again the next day!”

Everyone looked at him not sure how to respond.

“What!” Lance defended. “It was just a little bead, but they were so attached to it for no reason. If I ever considered not doing it, they would start to cry.” He sighed. “I miss them.”

They all nodded to show that they understood. They all missed someone.

“So,” Pidge cleared her throat. “How did you solve the barrette problem?”

“I knit them little purses and used the bead as the button on the front.”

“That’s sweet,” Allura smiled starting to put the lights up. “When I was younger I also was attached to my hair ornaments. When they could no longer be used I would keep them in a little box.”

“I was kind of like that with some of my favorite pans,” Hunk added his own anecdote. “When you cook the handles and the weight becomes such a constant it’s hard to part with them. Then one day the pan detached from the handle, so my mom replaced the whole set. I kept the handle, but it was the pan I first learned to cook with. My dad taught me to make eggs. It became my go-to, ya know. Whenever I cooked something with the family it was the first one I pulled out.”

“I still have the flask from my first science kit.” Pidge piped in. “Mom said I was too little, but Matt brought it for me anyway. We spent most of our time dropping baking soda into vinegar.”

“Sounds like fun,” Hunk said.

“It didn’t last a day. Mom smelled the vinegar and confiscated the set. She missed one of the flasks and that’s the one I still have.”

“What about you Keith?” Allura asked. “Do you have something from your youth?”

“Not really,” Keith was not going to bring up his knife to this group.

“You gotta share,” Hunk insisted. “Everyone else did.”

“…I have a stuffed hippo my parents gave me for my fourth birthday.”

“See, it wasn’t so hard, was it?” Lance jeered.

“The snacks should be done by now,” Hunk got up to go to the other room. Allura finished with the lights and Pidge was done with the game some time ago and was already playing. Lance made a fuss about it because he wanted to play too, but Pidge told him to wait his turn.

“I’ll get the Blades,” Keith went to get the Galra.

“Should we get Shiro?” Hunk asked, putting the first few trays of food down on one of the tables.

“He’ll come out on his own time,” Slav popped up to steal some snacks, scaring Hunk and making him jump.

“Okay then,” Hunk slid away.

Sure enough, Shiro did come around a little after everyone had settled in. He took a seat on the end of one of the couches. The one Ulaz was on. Kolivan was talking with Slav and Allura.

When Pidge finally had four player mode set up she asked for the others to join her for the game. Only Lance volunteered. Hunk agreed after some persistent begging, but no one else was interested. Seeing her deflate, Antok also offered to play.

“He has a weak spot for kids,” Kolivan explained when he saw Shiro’s confused expression.

“No kidding-” Shiro observed as Pidge showed Antok the controls.

“Why would I be?” Kolivan asked the same way Ulaz had.

“I didn’t mean it literally. It’s just an expression. In this case, it means I’m agreeing with you.”

“Idioms never translate well.” Kolivan shrugged.

“I planned to make a translator to fix all that,” Slav sighed. “But if I did it would have unprecedented consequences.”

“Maybe it’s for the better,” Shiro shrugged. “We learn more about each other when we have to take time to explain things about our culture.”

“That’s one way of putting it.” Kolivan didn’t seem too interested in talking. He had his tablet with him, doing something that had to do with the Blades of Marmora.

“You mean your daily animal lesson every time Coran compares you to something?” Ulaz asked, the smallest smirk gracing his face.

“Yes, like that.”

“It’s good for you guys to learn,” Coran was matter-of-fact in speaking. “And it doesn’t hurt for you guys to get a bit of an education while you’re here.”

“I don’t mind,” Shiro smiled. “That’s what I wanted in the first place. If it wasn’t for the war, this would be a dream come true.” He looked out the windows at the stars passing by.

“When it’s all over you can travel without worry,” Ulaz said.

Shiro snorted, “No, Noir has made it very clear that I’m not able to take her joyriding.”

“Noir?” Allura raised an eyebrow. The others seemed to be paying attention as well.

“It’s the French word for black. Black Lion thought it sounded fancy and told me to refer to her like that for now on.” Shiro shrugged. “She’s a sophisticated lady, ya know.”

“I didn’t know they had so much personality.” Allura beamed.

“That’s Alfor for you,” Coran added. “Creating something so spectacular even he couldn’t fathom what it could be.”

“Yes,” Allura smiled while looking into her cup. “I can only imagine what he could have come up with if he was still here. He would have defeated Zarkon by now.”

“We’re closer than ever,” Kolivan said as Antok reclaimed the seat next to him. He must be done with the video game.

“But even after we defeat him it won’t be the same.” Allura sighed. “I lost my planet and I lost my family. The war will end, and I’ll still have nothing.”

“We too have lost our home planet,” Antok must be the one speaking because Shiro didn’t recognize the voice. “Kolivan and I lived on the same planet across the way from each other. Zarkon started mining its quintessence without warning. We evacuated the planet. But I later found out that my family had been shot down once they exited the atmosphere. The stress overwhelmed me, and I later miscarried my cubs. I’m not looking for your pity,” Antok cut them off before they could say anything. “What I’m saying is that there are people who understand your loss. Those people are the ones who fight the hardest and stand by you. You’re too young to be lost to sorrow. You have many friends, when they offer their compassion, accept it. It’s all we have in this world.”

“Wait, you were pregnant at some point?” Lance gasped.

“That’s you’re only take away from all that?” Keith’s eyebrow twitched. 

“I…you can’t tell me you aren’t kind of curious.”

“A little,” Hunk admitted.

“From a scientific standpoint,” Pidge nodded.

“Guys,” Shiro barked, and then apologized. Shiro is sure they were just trying to lighten the mood in some way. He tried to remember that they were still young and that constantly talking about the tragedy around them could be overwhelming.

“I’m so sorry,” Shiro sighed. He couldn’t see Antok’s face, but from his body language, Shiro is pretty sure he’s not angry. Though Kolivan did look aggravated.

“I, for one, am glad to be fighting by your side,” Shiro said to Antok, then to the room. “With all of you.”

“I am enjoying being here as well,” Slav gave a cheerful reply. Shiro managed to give him a small smile.

“You know,” Lance jumped back into the conversation. “Things are getting kind of heavy, this is supposed to be a celebration.” He flopped down next to Shiro, putting an arm around his shoulder. Shiro removed his arm and slid away from him. Normally the action would be smooth, but this time it was a tad jerky.

“Sorry,” Lance scooted away. So what Pidge said have been true. “But, yeah, we were talking about simpler times and stuff we have that means a lot to us.” They all gave a recap of the earlier conversation.

“You didn’t say what yours was,” Keith pointed out.

Hunk nodded, “And it would show the galra how to play.”

“Alright, Alright.” Lance huffed. He got up to pace while he thought. It was probably just for dramatics, but they weren’t in a rush. Lance snapped his fingers once he thought of something. “When I was little I had a cowboy phase. You know, riding through the wild west, saving towns from bank robbers and stuff. My parents let me put up this cowboy themed wallpaper on my side of the room. It was awesome! But when I got older I had a few friends over and they called it childish. So, I painted over it to match the rest of the room, but I kept a square of the paper.”

“Does the item have to be explained with a personal anecdote?” Coran asked.

“Yes,” Pidge said. “It can be a short one though.”

“Let’s see,” Coran mused. “I have a sword from my parents. It had been in my family for generations and was given to me when I went to work in the palace. For my birthday Alfor crafted me a proper sheath. Fala, Allura’s mother, gave me a proper strap to keep it around my waist. It has a little bit of both my families.”

“You still have it?” Allura sounded surprised.

“It’s in my room. I haven’t been in the position to use it as of late.”

There was a brief lull before Ulaz cleared his throat deciding to go next. It broke the tension in the room. No one was sure if the galrans were going to participate in the game or not. Ulaz was bridging the gap between the two groups.

“I have a tuft of fur from my tail before I cut it. I keep it with my things on the main base.”

“You had a tail?” Shiro sat up. “Why’d you cut it?”

“I didn’t have control over it the way most do. It moves with my subconscious. On missions, it would hit into walls when I had to take a corner quickly, and I couldn’t go undercover because it would give away what I was thinking. So, I had it clipped.”

“And you kept the fur?” Hunk cringed.

“From the tip of it, yes.”

There was another pause.

“Do I have to?” Kolivan looked to Slav.

“It won’t hurt, but it would help,” Slav said. “Like how I am obligated to tell everyone that I keep a piece of pipe from the first ship I helped to destroy. Not for luck, but because I was very proud of the laser I created to take down that ship.”

Kolivan sighed, “I have a bracelet,” He pulled back his sleeve to show a bracelet made of some sort of animal teeth. “Antok fashioned it for me when he was courting me. There’s this one creature on our planet that was almost impossible to kill. It constantly attacked out area. We had ways of keeping them out, and then there was Antok who hunted them down. These are its teeth.” 

“Courting?” Allura couldn’t hide the shock from her voice.

“We’ve been together for quite some time now.” Kolivan didn’t even blink.

“Like dating or…” Hunk wasn’t sure if he should ask.

“We’ve been mated for fourteen deca-phobes.”

“Fifteen,” Antok corrected.

“Fifteen deca-phobes.” Kolivan repeated.

“And by mate you mean?” Lance prided a little further.

“To be in a committed union,” Kolivan clarified.

“Wow,” Shiro’s eyebrows raised. “Fifteen years, that’s a long time.”

Antok purred.

“So, what does Antok have?”  Pidge asked.

“I have nothing material,” Antok said. “I left everything behind during the evacuation, so the ship was light enough to carry everyone. What I have are strong relations with the people around me” He leaned into Kolivan to punctuate his point.

“Well, that leaves Shiro,” Lance said.

“I can’t think of anything off hand,” Shiro admitted.

“What about that telescope Slav mentioned?” Pidge asked.

“I don’t have that anymore,” Shiro said.  

“What about that mascara or eyeliner or whatever it is you’re always rocking,” Lance asked. “It must be important if you went out of your way to find it.”

“It’s not mascara. I have thick eyelashes,” Shiro said incredulously.

“Sure, they are,” Keith rolled his eyes. Shiro only shrugged. He only bothered with it when he had free time. If there were no missions and it was after training, he would indulge a little.

“There has to be something,” Allura insisted.

“I’m going, to be honest,” Shiro sighed. “My amnesia goes a little further back than my time with the Empire. I have a few blanks from when I was growing up and what my home life was like.”

“Do you still have persisting headaches?” Ulaz asked.

“No, look, I, I’m not in a rush. If it comes back it comes back if it doesn’t it doesn’t.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. But Ulaz knew it bothered him. He wondered why he didn’t say it. The whole team was here in a supportive environment, and for once not judging him. They all looked ready to help comfort him. It may be mistrust from their earlier suspicion, or Shiro had his own reason for being reserved right now.

“I still have the baby blanket Baba made for me. Baba is my grandmother.” Shiro smiled. “It’s a small quilt and every square was a different picture. Every time she came over she would tell me a story based on the images. It was a different one each time. As I got older she would add on patches, so it would fit me. I got to help her once I was good enough at quilting.”

“That’s sweet,” Allura smiled.

“We’re going to turn in for the night,” Kolivan got up. Antok was right behind them. “We’ll commence operations in the morning.” He bid them farewell as he left.

“Was it just me, or did he seem eager to leave,” Lance huffed.

“He is in charge of a secret organization that’s trying to free the universe,” Shiro pointed out. “It makes sense that he’d take a break where he can get it.”

“Things have been more intense lately.” Ulaz agreed. “He's trying to extract information, as well as going on Blade missions. At the same time, we're dealing a blow to the Empire. It's a lot to have to plan. All the while he’s still juggling any other missions he has going at the same time. It takes a lot of work.”

“Speaking of missions,” Shiro looked to Ulaz. “It’s come to my attention that your mission wasn’t to free me. From what I’ve heard, you went against orders.”

“You overheard that?” Ulaz’s ears went down.

“So, if your mission wasn’t to free me to start a rebellion, why’d you do it?” Shiro asked.

Ulaz blinked, tipping his head to the left the slightest. Deep down he knew what made freeing Takashi his biggest priority. But he needed this to sound impersonal. He would get in trouble if Kolivan found out. He didn’t trust the Paladins to not talk about it outside this room.

“Are you upset that I did?” Ulaz asked.

Shiro said, “You promised me you would answer any question I asked you.”

“I did, didn’t I,” Ulaz conceded.

“When did that happen?” Hunk asked and was ignored.

“I stand by what I said earlier. I knew you were brave. I’d seen you rally many people around you in times of need despite the hopelessness of the situation. On more than one occasion you organized prison riots to raid for medication or food. You were strong before Hagar even laid a hand on you. You’ve overcome more than anyone ever thought you could. If anyone would be able to rally nations behind them, it was you.”

“And you gave up your post for that?” Shiro asked.

“I thought the Blue Lion was more important than the information I was gathering. I know it was a big gamble, but it paid off. You got the Blue Lion, directed Zarkon away from your solar system. You managed to assemble Voltron and have helped many planets. More groups have been revolting against the Empire since you have started your endeavors. Yes, I am in trouble for going against orders. But I know it’s only a matter of time before Kolivan sees that I made the right decision and that freeing you was worth it. That you were worth it.” Ulaz gave him a soft smile, his eyes blinking slowly.

It had been hard for Shiro to hold eye contact the entire time Ulaz was talking. Every time he mentioned his captivity he made it sound like Shiro was some sort of hero. Shiro had never been good with praise. But the last part, the way Ulaz spoke made Shiro’s stomach knot and his heart flutter.

It was touching to hear. He knew he was feeling this because his heat was still lingering, but it was still embarrassing.

All the same, Shiro had been around galra long enough to know he had to do the same blink back to show he trusted him. Because he did. And he was glad the others had come around and they could all finally work as a unit to take Zarkon down.  It was only a matter of time before they freed the universe and could go home.

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fala is the name of the Princes from Beast King GoLion. She came before Allura, and Allura's mother never got a name so I just went with that.   
> Hoped you enjoyed this chapter, and there's more to come as we get closer to the end of this installment!  
> Stayed tuned ^^


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come to save Thace. Things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left!!!!!!  
> Enjoy ^^

There was a slick slapping sound that echoed in the room every time their hips met. Shiro moaned, back arching off the bed. It felt so good to finally have a cock pounding into him. The weight above him pressed him into the bed. His legs were quivering as his prostate was jabbed. He wanted to rock his hips back and meet the other figure’s thrusts, but huge hands were latched onto his hips and holding him in place.

He couldn’t stop moaning and begging. His body felt like it was on fire and every touch made him hotter, more desperate. He gripped the other persons back: his fingers going against the grain of the fur. A thin layer of rough fur grazed his chest.

And this didn’t bother him, neither did the claws on his hips. He wanted more. He wanted to cum and this guy was going to let him. He could feel his building orgasm. He’s right there, right on the edge, he just needed a little push.

“Ulaz,” he shouted.

He took a deep, gasping breath as he sat up in his bed, wide awake. His body shook as he came without touching himself. He’d had wet dreams almost all his life, but none as intense as this. He flopped back onto his bed, trying to catch his breath. His pants were sticky in the back and in the front.

Damn slick.

He grimaced. Normally he would go back to sleep and shower in the morning, but the mess was worse than usual. He tossed off the blankets and threw his legs over the side of the bed. He was shaky on his feet as rummaged through his closet and find something new to sleep in.

He managed to get to the bathroom and shower without bumping into anyone, thank God. He looked fucked out. His pupils were blown wide, his hair was a mess, and he was still sweaty. Worst of all, he could still feel slick going down his thigh. He grimaced the whole time he showered. He felt disgusting, but he also wanted to get off again.

He sighed, leaning against the wall of the shower. He let the water flow over him. The mess was upsetting, but more troubling was the fact he called out Ulaz’s name. And he vividly remembers lavender fur in his dream. Yes, he’d asked Ulaz to…assist him earlier, but that had been the fever talking. Under normal circumstances, he would have never asked. He didn’t think of Ulaz in that way.

Ulaz was galran, a completely different species. There were no aspects of him that a human should find attractive. It was just the heat. Once the medicine was in his system longer, the dreams would stop.

Then again, the Galra had found him attractive. They called him pretty, and exotic. They didn’t seem to care that he wasn’t galran.

He shook his head trying to clear his mind. He’d been avoiding thinking about it for a while now. If he did, it would be like it never happened. At least this dream had been his imagination. It wasn't like his nightmares of being with Sendak, and Zarkon, and that time in the arena.

But what if…Ulaz mentioned that he also did a lot of things he wasn’t proud of when he was working with Hagar. And if rape was one of Hagar’s many methods of torture, it wouldn’t be far off to think that…

Shiro dried off and got dressed. He grimaced when he dug around in the cabinets where he knew Pidge kept her pads. He was turning red as he lined his boxers, so he wouldn’t have to worry about messing up his sheets when he slept. He wasn’t just embarrassed. He was angry. He wouldn’t be going through this if the Galra hadn’t been such creeps.

And now he had a new question burning in the back of his head. He didn’t want to wake Ulaz up, but he needed to know, or it was going to bug him for the next few hours. That’s how he ended up at Ulaz’s room.

“What is the matter?” Ulaz was perplexed. No one ever came into his room.

“I have a quick question,” Shiro started to ramble. “Sometimes I have trouble telling apart nightmares and memories. I want to know if we ever slept together, I mean, ya know, had intercourse under any circumstances.”

“No,” Ulaz sat up straight. “We never had contact like that. Are you-”

“Alright,” Shiro backed out of the room. “That’s all I wanted to know. I’ll see you in the morning.” He was quick to exit. This time his red complexation was because of embarrassment. If Ulaz had never touched him, it means he accidentally admitted to having sexual fantasies about him.

He wanted to die.

~.~.~.~.~

Ulaz frowned once Shiro left. He could tell Shiro was trying to leave in a hurry and while he wanted to go after him, he didn’t want him to feel cornered. If Shiro brought it up again, he would clarify the situation.

Ulaz felt low. Shiro was having nightmares and putting him in the place of his attackers. What was he supposed to do now? He didn’t want to worsen Shiro’s anxiety by being around him. But he wanted Shiro to know that he never purposely tried to hurt him, that he would never do something like that to him.

Even before they knew each other that well, Ulaz had never done more than he needed to keep his cover. He never set out to cause him unnecessary pain. And as time went on he developed a tender touch when dealing with Shiro. He learned how to approach him so he appeared non-threatening. They even had routines to scare the other medics out of the room so it was just them. They never discussed it, they just knew how to play off each other.

He wished Shiro could remember that. Their friendship was something that Ulaz cherished. It was something light in those dark times, something soft among the brutality. It made his mission easier when he could talk to Shiro, but it also made it that much harder.

~.~.~.~

“Slav is making great progress on the teludav.” Kolivan informed Allura and Shiro. “We should be able to make our move in no more than two quintants.

“Good. We’ve already started getting our formations in order,” Shiro told him. “We’ve cut our initial time down by almost half in the simulation. If we keep it up, we should have no problem.”

“It will be a relief once this is over,” Allura added before asking. “What kind of information is it that your spy has?”

“A lot,” Was Kolivan’s short answer. “There’s no way of knowing for sure. He worked his way up to Lieutenant of the Third Commander of Zarkon’s army. Later he raised to the level of Commander. If he’s as close as we think he is then he had access to sensitive information.”

“If he does we’ll have to move fast once we have him,” Shiro said. “They’ll start to regroup once they realize what he might have.”

“We shouldn’t have to worry about it,” Kolivan crossed his arms annoyed he had to explain the following. “If we pull this off the right way, they’ll think he died in the fight.”

Shiro nodded. He wasn’t gonna lie, he hadn’t been as focused as he could have been during the initial meetings. But the more he talked it out the more it was starting to make sense. He’d been looking over the full plan whenever he could. He wanted this to be perfect.

“You said this spy worked his way up to Commander?” Allura asked.

“Yes,” Kolivan had gone over that already. There was no need to backtrack.

“That means he started off as a foot soldier?”

“On the front lines, yes.”

“He’s killed innocents to…”

“I don’t expect you to understand this at your age. Sometimes the ends are worth the means. Sometime to obtain that your morals cannot remain intact. None of us enjoy undercover work, but it’s a necessary evil.”

Allura paled, but Shiro understood. He couldn’t bring the incident to mind, but he felt he knew that pain. He knew what it meant to slaughter the innocent, but he doesn’t think his cause was as noble. It was to get to the next day, to live to fight again. But thinking about it made him sick.

“When he’s ready, so will we.” Shiro declared. It seemed to do the trick to move the conversation along.

~.~.~.~.~

When the time came he was surprised by how the Paladins were handling it. They weren’t the same nervous wreck they were when they first started. They were a little more confident in themselves and their abilities.

They all had their own methods to get past their nerves before a mission. Shiro left them to their own devices before they had to suit up.

“Stick to the plan and communicate with one another,” Shiro reminded them. “Once we get the signal it’s go time.”

But the signal never came. They had to change the plan on the fly. Keith had to go inside and assist the Blade agent if he was still alive. If the agent was no longer alive, Kolivan gave him the instructions on how to upload the virus manually.

It was a nail-biting moment as they waited for Keith to let them know if he made it. In the meantime, they drew attention away from him by starting a frontal attack. The events that followed were a chaotic blur. Keith found the agent and was on his way out. The teladuv worked and they dealt a powerful blow to Zarkon. The Emperor had managed to survive, but it still felt like a victory.

Thace needed a crypod the moment Keith docked. The reason he never got to send the signal was that they had been late retrieving him and had been tortured by Hagar. He’d managed to free himself by the time Keith had found him, but he was still severely injured.

Antok wasn’t fairing much better. The witch had injured him and despite getting him into cryo he was still in critical condition. If he made it through the night, it would be a miracle.

The rest of the paladins had scrapes and bruises. Nothing too major, but everyone had to get a quick checkup.

“I say we get some seatbelts in those lions,” Lance said. “I’m tired of getting thrown around all the time.”

“I second that,” Pidge agreed gingerly placing an ice pack on her head.

“How’s Thace?” Keith asked. He’d come out a little worse for wear. His hair was a little singed, and he had a few burns that needed to be treated.

“He should be out in the hour,” Shiro informed them. “We can take some time to rest up before we debrief.”

Shiro headed for towards the cryo pods next. Kolivan had yet to move from that room after getting Antok in. He said he was waiting on Thace so they could talk as soon as he was out, but Shiro knew better. He didn’t know what to say to lighten the mood. He sat down next to Kolivan who was waiting in front of Antok’s pod. The control panel blinked an eerie red to show the injured galra’s critical statues.

“How are you holding up?” Shiro asked.

“I am not holding anything,” Kolivan responded looking confused.

“No, I mean, how are you feeling?” Shiro corrected.

“Once Thace is out we can proceed with regrouping and figuring out our next move.”

“That’s good and all, but are you alright?”

“All we can do is wait and see,” Kolivan looked to Antok’s pod. “If it’s meant to happen then it will. If not, we continue on all the same.”

Shiro nodded. He knew this was the worst part, but there was nothing more they could do. He tentatively placed a hand on Kolivan’s back, unsure if the comfort would be welcomed. When there was no protest he gave Kolivan’s back a little rub like his mom used to do when he was upset. He wasn’t sure if the gesture meant the same to galra, but he hoped the sentiment translated.

The pod dinged and Thace stepped out more composed than Shiro expected. He was alert and ready to debrief on what he had gathered. It was miraculous. It was like he hadn’t even been captured or tortured, or barely escaped deaths grip. He was so composed. Shiro was almost jealous.

Not because the moment Thace came out he was greeted by Ulaz. Or because they were in each other’s arms in an instant, rubbing foreheads and purring so loud everyone could hear it. It just wasn’t fair that he got to walk out of the pod looking like a movie star when everyone else always staggered out in a daze.

But he didn’t have time to harp on it. Thace had extensive information that only high ranking galra officers had access to. Shiro followed along as Thace spoke. He jots down the most notable parts on a tablet that Coran had provided for him.

“And it should be noted that Sendak has been missing for many phoebes now. At first, he was assumed dead, but we’re reviving word that Hagar is looking for him. He was the most competent Commander in the Javeeno system. Voltron already liberated Balmera X-95-Vox. This means the operation will go differently than previously planned. I still believe it would be a good place to set up. The Balmera will need more protection when the Empire inevitably tried to take it back ”

“Sendak?” Lance interrupted. “We got him in the basement.”

“What?” Kolivan looked to Shiro for confirmation of what that meant. He couldn’t tell if he was surprised they had him or peeved they hadn’t mentioned that earlier, or couldn’t tell if this was another idiom.

Shiro retold the whole story of how Sendak attacked the ship and what followed.

“We barely got the arm off him, and him into the pod. We didn’t have the means to deal with him if we let him out. We’ve been having the pod extract information, but the technology we have isn’t meant for interrogation. It’s been very slow going.”

“We should see what he knows,” Kolivan said. “He was the First Commander. He was most likely privileged with information that only he and Zarkon knew.”

“We should do it as soon as possible,” Thace added.

“Like we said he’s on the lower levels,” Shiro got up. With the Blade members here, they have more than enough manpower to keep Sendak under control. He was only worried about having the other Paladin’s down there with him. He never knew what Sendak was going to do when confronted in a hostile setting.

“Let’s go pay him a visit,” Kolivan said.

“I’ll come with you,” Allura insisted.

“I’m not sure if one so young should be there,” Thace said. “We don’t know how he’ll react and what he’ll say. He will try to intimidate, and you all seem susceptible to fear.”

“Wait are you going to do this without us?” Pidge asked. “We all deserve to be there and to find out what he knows-”

“I’m with Kolivan on this one.” Shiro disagreed. “I don’t think you guys should be a part of this. It could get intense and I rather you not have to go through that.”

“We can handle a light interrogation,” Lance said.

“It’s not going to be like on T.V.,” Shiro said. “He’s not going to give up what he knows easily. It could take a while”

“You’re going to torture him,” Keith clarified.

“Sendak is our enemy,” Allura went on, “These things happen during times of war. In this kind of situation, we need to remember that he’s a part of the galra army. He would do more than torture us if he given the opportunity. Let’s not forget why we have him locked down there.”

“I know that,” Keith said. “But torture is…it’s considered a war crime on our planet. He’s an enemy but he’s still a living being. Just because he’s galra doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respect that.”

“I don’t think it’s going to go that far,” Shiro assured them. Sendak was a lot of things but he wasn’t dumb. With the given situation he would be tempted to bargain for his life.

“So why can’t we be there,” Lance said. “We all deserve to find out what he knows. We all had to deal with him ya know. Remember, he blew me up. I was in a pod for like two days.”

“It was only a few hours,” Shiro corrected him. “Trust me, I understand why you all want to be a part of this…”

“I’m fine not being there,” Hunk interrupted. “Just saying.”

“Trust me. Sendak isn’t going to be nice about this, and we have no way of knowing if he’ll lash out. We have more powerful allies to help us handle him, but he’s still a strong warrior. If I can avoid you guys getting injured than I will.”

“Fine,” Lace conceded.

“Alright,” Shiro said. “We’ll be back in a bit.”

It took a few minutes for Sendak to come out of cryo. Kolivan, Thace, and Ulaz, who were all in their Blade gear, shackled Sendak’s legs together and his arm to the ground while he was still incoherent. They didn’t have a proper interrogation room, so they made do with what they had.

“I knew it was only a matter of time before you came back to me,” Sendak was looking only at Shiro as he came out of his haze. He frowned when he realized it wasn’t just the two of them.

“We have a few questions for you,” Shiro said. “It’s in your best interest to answer us honestly.”

“Is it now?” Sendak somehow managed to look smug despite the situation. “You think I’m just going to tell you everything? Surely you must have a better plan than asking nicely? Or did you think I would do it just for you?”

Shiro’s face pinched. He knew what Sendak meant. He has been remembering enough to know what had gone on between them. He didn’t think that Sendak would bring it up now. If anything wouldn’t that make Shiro less prone to going easy on him?

“We want the information you have on the Empire,” One of the Blades said. “We know who you are, we know Zarkon trust you. Telling us may spare your life.”

“You expect me to turn on the Empire that nurtured me? However, if you agree to join us and bring us the lions, I’m sure we can work something out. Zarkon would be open-minded to letting you join our ranks.”

“That won’t be happening,” Allura said.

“Not you,” Sendak snapped. “I’m talking to the galra who turned their backs on their own kind. There’s no need to mention your treachery if you join with us. You could be given great honor under Zarkon.”

“We won’t ask you again,” Kolivan said hand on the hilt of his blade.

“It’s victory or death,” Sendak said. “If I have failed my Empire then death is no less than what I deserve. It’s bad enough I was corralled by a bunch of cubs and lost my lieutenant and control of the Javeeno system. If I come back to them empty handed, they won’t just kill me. And worse I’ll have to face the reality of failing Zarkon.”

“But we’re not looking to kill you,” Shiro said. “If you cooperate with us we can find you somewhere to go. A place untouched by the Empire.”

“It’s touching that you don’t wish harm to befall me, but we both know why you want me on your side.” Sendak was looking at him the way he used to: the way he would when he wanted him. Shiro found it hard to hold his gaze, to not shrink away and let the Allura and the Blades handle this. But he had to face him. If he didn’t, he doesn’t think he would ever be able to.

“You could be a helpful ally,” Shiro said. “With the information you…”

“Don’t be coy,” Sendak interrupted him. “I can smell it on you. Your heat. You need me, yes, but not for information. You want my knot, don’t you? You know only I can…” He only stopped when Ulaz put his blade to his neck.

“Consider your next words very carefully,” Ulaz warned.

“It doesn’t change the truth,” Sendak said. “You miss what we had, admit it.”

Shiro wasn’t sure if he was more repulsed by Sendak’s words, or that he looked like he meant what he said. He thought Shiro had missed him. And while Shiro had, he knew it was in an unhealthy way.

He was so used to being abused and being made to do repulsive things from fighting to the bedroom. This level of freedom was odd to him now. Not having Sendak or Zarkon lording over him left him uneasy if he thought about it for too long. But the more time he’d been away from them meant the more time he had to heal. Being a part of Voltron left little room for self-loathing. He was the leader, he needed to be decisive to keep everyone safe.

It’s why he knew he couldn’t let Ulaz be the one to stand up for him. He had to say something.

“My compliance was not my consent,” Shiro said. He knows at some point he learned to play into Sendak’s fantasy. If it got him off faster and meant he’d leave Shiro alone for a bit. Then there was the pillow talk and post-coital grooming. Sendak likes to think they were a couple and doing so meant he was treated more like a lover than an object.

Sendak blinked at him, trying to process his words. Shiro wished he would stop, that he didn’t have to do this in front of the others, but no one else was reacting either. What were they supposed to do with Sendak looking so…heartbroken? There was no way he hadn’t know what they had wasn’t real. Shiro assumed Sendak liked to pretend things were romantic between them. He never thought Sendak believed he’d grown to love him.

“Any information you have will help,” Shiro said. “But we also don’t need it. We’ve been fine without it and we’re just dealt a major blow to Zarkon. In the end, you’ll have no one to go back to. So make it easier on yourself and tell us what you know.”

“And if I refuse?”

“Then your usefulness end here,” Kolivan said. Ulaz still had his blade to Sendak’s throat and was waiting on orders.

“Vrepit Sa,” Sendak wasn’t going to waiver.

“I see,” was all Kolivan said before Thace and Ulaz made quick work of unchaining Sendak from the floor and dragging him off. Once he was out of sight Kolivan took his mask off.

“You did good,” Kolivan said. “I thought you would have given under that kind of pressure.”

“I’m used to him degrading me,” Shiro shrugged. But now the two people left with him were looking at him in concern. “What happens next?” He changed the subject.

“We’re going to use a touch of truth serum,” Kolivan said. “Information given when tortured is never something to rely on. Truth serum with open him up and we’ll know what he knows or if he’s as clueless as anyone else.

“Do you think it will be worth it?” Shiro asked. “This is a lot of time on something that might turn out to be nothing.”

“You said it yourself. Even without what he knows we’ve been doing fine. Anything extra is a help but very rarely a need. Moreover, he was trained by Zarkon personally. There’s no doubt he’s was a confidant to Zarkon and was allowed more knowledge than the others in his rank. And within the hour we’ll know what he knows.”

Kolivan was right. Sendak was a treasure trove of information. There were things he was able to tell them that couldn’t be found on the database from his ship. At one point they had to restrain him when he first realized he’d was spewing information. He made a lunge for the Princess. They later had to put a mouth guard in place to keep him from biting his own tongue out.

“Do you know where Matt and Sam are? The two I came in with?” Shiro figured the least he could do for Pidge was asked once they got all the serious stuff out of the way.

“Why would I?” Sendak snapped, but it sounded like he had a lisp.

“You were always threatening to hurt them. You said you could get to them.”

“I was only in charge of transport. Once they leave my base, that’s it,” Sendak said. “I knew you came in with two others and from your behavior, I knew you were close. It stood to reason I could use it to get you to comply with my demands.”

“So you never knew?” Shiro clarified.

“By the time I had you in my grasp, no, I did not.”

~.~.~.~.~

“Now what?” The others all seemed to ask at once.

“Kolivan has informed me that there are a few planets that want Sendak to answer for his crimes. I figure we leave him to deal with their courts and continue on as planned.”

“It’s for the best,” Allura agreed.

“You should get some rest,” Kolivan said. “It’s been a long day.”

“Wait,” Pidge jumped in. “Where is Sendak now?”

“In cryo,” Shiro said. “And he’ll stay like that until we drop him off.”

“I can sleep easy with that,” Hunk stood up and yawned. “I’m gonna hit the hay.” 

“Same,” Keith agreed as they all went their separate ways.

Shiro was also ready for bed. As Kolivan said, it had been a long day, but a productive day. Zarkon was injured, and they could sift through the information Sendak gave them to figure out what their next step was.

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention this is a slow burn?  
> Lol, there will be Uliro I swear it's coming ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the battle they try to take the time to relax.  
> Shiro and Ulaz clear up a misunderstanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's gonna be a two week break for before the last chapter comes out. And I'm hoping to have the third part of the series ready for editing in the next three months.  
> Until then, I think you're really going to enjoy this chapter ^^

Shiro couldn’t sleep. Nothing new, but he was more restless than usual.

But he was also tired of being cooped up in his room. Besides, with this heat thing still bugging him he rather not be alone. Yes, the medicine was helping but he was still uncomfortably horny. But jacking off when he was like this didn’t feel right. It didn’t quite scratch the itch and left him feeling disgusted with himself.

He wasn’t in the mood for jogging, so he went for a walk. He could hear Lance fussing at the game he and Pidge had brought. More often Lance was the one playing it and Pidge was tinkering with some tech she found lying around. He considered knocking on the door and telling Lance to go to bed, but he let it be. He knows they all have different ways of decompressing after a battle.

He continued on, finding Kolivan in the medical wing. Shiro had come to see if Antok’s statues had changed. Kolivan must be thinking the same thing.

“Is he doing any better?” Shiro asked as he entered. Kolivan regarded him coolly as if he was expecting him.

“He’s no longer in critical,” Kolivan said. “It may be a few more days until he’s healed enough to come out of there.”

“You’re welcome to stay until then,” Shiro sat next to Kolivan.

“It depends on what I can delegate,” Kolivan sighed. It didn’t have to be said. Shiro could tell the mere thought of having to leave Antok behind pained Kolivan.

“If you do have to go, we’ll take good care of him. I can give you my word on that,” Shiro promised him.

“I’m sure your Princess would be thrilled.”

“She’s coming around,” Shiro said. “This is still pretty recent for her. I think she’s having trouble placing her anger somewhere after the loss of her family. I’m not saying how she acts is okay, but I think she’s starting to see that we’re fighting the Empire, not the entire galran race.”

“It’s almost humorous that you’re the one who is the most accepting of our help,” Kolivan regarded him thoughtfully. “Ulaz told us about some of what you endured. I didn’t imagine you would be this capable after what happened.”

“He told you about me?”

“Yes. In his messages. He often tried to reason with us why releasing you was essential to his mission. We had to say no. Not because we don’t value the life of prisoners-”

“I understand,” Shiro stopped him. “There was too much at stake for you to risk losing it all on one person. I’m not mad about it.”

Shiro knew very well that the leaders make the hardest choices. Their first mission was getting the Red Lion back from the Empire. There were prisoners on board, but he knew they didn’t have time to free them without risking the mission. He was going to leave them behind, let the ship blow up with them still on board. But Pidge ran off to see if her brother was among them. Shiro ended up saving the ones they found, and it settled the issue. But he knows there were probably more on board. He knows how they keep prisons stacked on top of each other, but he let them the Paladins think they saved them all.

“It’s still surprising to see you fighting.” Kolivan reasoned, “I would have thought you use your rescue to go home.

“I know,” Shiro looked at Antok’s pod. “I’m not sure how we got picked or why this all turned out the way it did, but we’re helping people, so I guess there’s a payoff. How did you end up fighting with the Blades, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I do,” Kolivan said curtly.

“Are you going to head to your room anytime soon. Some sleep will do you some good.”

“You already know my answer.”

“I had to try,” Shiro stood. “I’ll bring you some blankets, so you can at least be comfortable.” He received no objections to that. Shiro made his way to one of the hall closets where Coran kept the fresh linen. He sniffed tested the blankets and found they smelled of flowers. It was a relief. He’d grab from the wrong closet before and found the stale scent of ten-thousand-year-old unwashed Altean fabrics. It’s not a good smell.

On his way, he spotted Ulaz and Thace chatting in the lounge. The lights were down low to simulate nighttime. It was something Coran and Allura assured them was normal for this kind of vessel. Shiro didn’t care about the lighting. He found it more soothing than creepy. It helped him keep better track of time rather than constantly feeling like it was the middle of the day.

He couldn’t explain why his stomach knotted up when he saw how close Ulaz and Thace were sitting as they spoke in hushed tones. It had been just as bad when Shiro saw Ulaz and Thace greet each other. They embraced each other, nuzzling and purring, expressing how much they had missed each other. They had quickly started to catch up with one another. It was very clear that they were close.

Shiro tried not to think about it too much. But it was still embarrassing that he told Ulaz he…

He didn’t want to get into it. Right now, he was more focused on getting these blankets to Kolivan. He’d found a few pillows as well and passed by the lounge without peeking in. His stomach did twist when he could still hear them.

Kolivan thank him for the accommodations and made himself comfortable. Shiro decided to let him be after that. It was clear Kolivan wanted some time to himself.

The walk back to his room wasn’t long, but it was daunting.

He bumped into Thace and Ulaz on the way. They were taking their time and ambling back to their rooms. They were still very engaged in their conversation. At that moment Shiro realized what was bothering him about watching them.

It brought attention to how lonely he’d been since he got here. He and Keith were friends, but it felt like he was getting so caught up in the war that he didn’t have time for anything else. Even when he talked to Keith it was about war and tactics. It wasn’t long until Keith sensed that Shiro wasn’t capable of normal conversation and started giving him space. And he wasn’t close to anyone else on the ship.

Except for Ulaz. He and Ulaz had grown close over a very short time, but since Shiro’s heat had started he was avoiding Ulaz, and Ulaz was avoiding him. And now that Thace was here Shiro couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of what they had. He could tell they were close, maybe even mates. It would explain why Ulaz had turned down his offer earlier.

Now he was frustrated because he missed the intimacy that they shared. Ulaz didn’t judge him when he talked, wasn’t troubled when he vented. He was always there with a kind understanding because he knew what it was like in the Empire. He knew of the nightmares that lurked there, and their reality. When Shiro started to crumble, Ulaz was there with an empathetic hand.

“Are you heading to bed?” Ulaz asked him as he and Thace waved goodbye.

“Kind of,” Shiro said. “I’m not tired but I figured actually taking some time to rest is better than nothing.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something you said earlier,” Ulaz said.

“Okay,” Shiro opened the door to his room. “You can come in.”

Ulaz was hesitant to step inside but went along with it anyway. He looked tense like he was holding his breath.

“What’s up?” Shiro sat down on the edge of the bed. Ulaz stayed standing.

“Earlier you came to me with worry that I had violated you during your captivity. I wanted to assure you that while I know I’ve hurt you in many ways before, I would never hurt you in that way.  I-”

“It’s okay,” Shiro cut him off. “I was having a bad night and when I asked it was because I, I told you about the dreams, and the heat made it worse. I didn’t think you had been one of the ones who attacked me, but at that moment the reassurance gave me peace of mind. I didn’t mean to make you think-”

“As long as that is clear then it is fine. I was worried-”

“No, it’s, I shouldn’t have overreacted.”

“You didn’t overreact,” Ulaz sat down as he placed a hand on Shiro’s shoulder. “It’s very understandable why you were so distressed.”

Shiro tensed when Ulaz touched him, and Ulaz pulled away. It was embarrassing to admit that he reacted because of his heat. But he figured honesty was better than letting the subject linger. They had just managed to clear the air.

“My apologies,” Ulaz said. “I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“You’re not. I know you’re not trying to put the moves on me. And with Thace here-”

“What?”

“Put a move on means-”

“Not that, I put together what it meant. That part about Thace?”

“Aren’t you guys mated or something like that?”

“Thace? No. Why does everyone always think that?” Ulaz frowned. “We’re close friends but we’re not romantically involved.”

“Oh. I saw the way you guys greeted each other and assumed.” Shiro smiled in embarrassment.

“It happens a lot. Even Hagar thought we were together,” Ulaz confessed. “We’ve been friends since we were young, but that’s where it ends.”

“Sorry,” Shiro said.

“Why, why would it matter if I was with Thace?” Ulaz’s voice rumbled like a galra version of chuckling.

“It doesn’t. I didn't think that, if he was your mate, which he’s not, he would want you hanging out with me while I’m like this.”

“I am an actual doctor. I deal with patients and complications with heat more often than you would think.”

“But you must be glad he came back okay.”

“I have been worried about him since he was sent out on his mission. Sometimes our missions would overlap, and we would get to see each other. It was nice to know he was alive. And Kolivan is going to put Thace on leave while he recovers. I’m hoping I can do the same, so we can hang out.”

“You guys get to go on leave?”

“After a long term undercover sometimes, we can get a few days off. And with Zarkon recovering it might mean we get a little extra time.”

“But wouldn’t now be a good time to strike again. Even if it’s not Central Command, there have to be other places we can save while the Empire is destabilized.”

“Let’s take some time to enjoy the victory,” Ulaz smiled. “It hasn’t even been a full day yet.”

“I can do that,” Shiro gave a sheepish grin, not quite able to meet Ulaz’s gaze.

“I also, have something for you,” Ulaz rummaged through the many pouches on him until he pulled out a small semi-sphere.

“It looks cool, but I have no idea what it is,” Shiro confessed.

“It’s similar to the hologram projector on the bridge.” Ulaz set it on the floor and pressed the top. It took a second before the room was covered in constellations. But unlike the on the bridge, he recognized these constellations. It was the same view that he had from his window back on Earth.

“How did you…?”

“It was easy once you started to explain some of your favorite constellations. From there I used the star map to locate your planet and found the right area. I know what it’s like to be homesick, and sometimes having a little piece of it helps.”

“Thank you,” Shiro smiled up at him. “This was really thoughtful.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Ulaz looked up at the artificial stars.

“What was your home like?” Shiro asked.

“A lot of sand,” Ulaz deadpanned. “So much sand.”

“Like a desert?”

“Kind of,” Ulaz said. “I lived near the oasis, so there was more vegetation there than on most of the planet, but it was still mostly sand.”

“You make it sound like you didn’t care for it.”

“I have very sensitive skin, but I also always had sand in my clothes, so you can understand my discomfort,” Ulaz said.

“There had to be an upside to all that.”

“When I was a cub I used to sit up in the trees and sunbathe for vargas. I would stay up there until the sunset or my mother called me down. I would hunt for bugs and small animals. I liked being able to catch things just to see if I could. But I spent more time bounding after them than actually catching anything.”

“Sounds like fun,” Shiro said.

“It was. I can look back at my youth fondly. Even my adolescence was adventurous. I liked to map out the area around us. I wanted to go further than anyone else. But it was me being headstrong. I would go to the most deserted part of the desert and explore the dunes. There were tunnels beneath the city that I never found where they led. Once I started sneaking down there my father found out, and when I came home he scuffed me and confined me to the house.”

Shiro chuckled at that. Kolivan did say that Ulaz was the impulsive one.

“I didn’t take you for a trouble maker.”

“I was no more rambunctious than the other cubs my age. I just got caught more often.”

“And then you decided to become a spy?”

“I did go through a lot of training before I was given the position. Admit it, even you didn’t suspect me.”

“Alright, you got me there,” Shiro confessed. “When you suddenly killed all those guards, I wasn’t expecting it. But if I had been told there was a spy, I would have guessed it was you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Shiro said. “After a while, I could tell you were different. You didn’t hurt me if you didn’t have too. You actually cared about my health, and the way we talked, once we got to know each other, it was different. Like we were becoming friends, and then we picked up where we left off when we met up again.”

“You remember that?”

Shiro shrugged, “I knew you were kind when I saw you again even without knowing everything. I knew you were a good person.”

Ulaz’s ears went up and he blinked slowly in a show of trust. A soft purr rumbled, and Shiro’s toes curled. He’d been trying to ignore what being so close to Ulaz was doing to him. The conversation hadn’t been awkward but there was a tension lingering between them. Shiro couldn’t be sure, but he thinks Ulaz wants him.

Shiro decided to test the waters by letting his hand slide over Ulaz. He was holding his breath in anticipation, but Ulaz didn’t pull away. He actually leaned in closer, unsure of what to do from there. It was clear he wouldn’t be the one to make a move. He didn’t want to overstep. If anything was going to happen, it was up to Shiro.

Shiro leaned in a little closer tipping his head up so they were almost nose to nose. He could hear each of Ulaz’s nervous breathes. He pressed on, less than a hair away, when Ulaz pulled back.

“We shouldn’t,” Ulaz moved away. “You’re in heat and your scent is skewing my judgment. I-”

“My scent?”

“You’re letting off a hormone to help attract a potential bed partner. And it’s filling the room and I should leave before I do something that we both regret.”

“I won’t regret it,” Shiro said. Ulaz looked like he didn’t know what to do with this information.

“I-”

“You don’t have to force yourself,” Shiro said. They were both alien to each other. It had to be just as weird for Ulaz as it was for him. Shiro wasn’t sure what standards were for galra to be considered handsome. He knows Ulaz didn’t fit the criteria for humans. Yet he couldn’t deny he was attracted to him.

Ulaz looked conflicted for a moment. Then he was back to Shiro, closing the distance between them and nuzzled into Shiro’s neck. He took a deep inhale in and pressed them together. Slowly putting his weight on Shiro he pressed him back against his bed. Shiro gasped at the contact. He hadn’t expected Ulaz to make up his mind so quickly.

There were hands sneaking up under his shirt and a tongue slowly licking his neck. Shiro arched at the touch. Even though he had taken the medicine his body was still sensitive. His nipples were perked and could be seen through his thin shirt. And Ulaz was situated between his legs, cock-to-cock. Shiro shifted his hips, moaning when his hard-on pressed to Ulaz.

When did he even get this hard? Was this a part of the heat? He was craving touch. He needed more.

“How far will you allow me?” Ulaz asked.

“I-I don’t know,” Shiro confessed. “I need, I want-”

“Let’s see where things go,” Ulaz decided his hand caressed the side of Shiro’s face. “There’s no rush.”

“Yeah,” Shiro agreed. He reached up to Ulaz and brought their lips together again. The kiss was gentle, passionate, and only helped to fuel the warmth that was flooding his body. He shivered when Ulaz was pressed flush against him. Their groins met and Shiro's hips began to grind on Ulaz. He was glad he could feel Ulaz’s want through his pants. He couldn’t wait for it to be inside him.

Ulaz knew what to do. He kissed and licked at Shiro’s neck. His hands grabbed Shiro’s ass, giving it a good squeeze before he decided that he needed Shiro naked. Shiro let his clothes fall away, and his hands eagerly tugged at Ulaz’s until they were both bare.

Ulaz pulled him into his arms, skin to fur, kissing down his neck, to his shoulders. He took the time to lick over Shiro’s nipple. He was gentle, knowing that if he was sensitive that it would be easy to overstimulate him. He let Shiro’s body tell him what he needed. Right now, Shiro was pressing his chest closer to Ulaz’s face and had his hand tangled in his hair to keep him in place. Soft moans fell from his lip telling the tales of his pleasure.

“Wait,” Shiro said when Ulaz’s hands trailed further down. Ulaz pulled away in concern.

“What’s wrong?”

“I…how do I touch you?” Shiro asked. Ulaz seemed to already be well versed in how to approach him. But Shiro had no idea what he should do to make Ulaz feel good, besides the obvious. But even in this needy state, he wanted to attempt proper foreplay.

“We’re similar enough that most erogenous zones should match up,” Ulaz said.

Shiro nodded and came back to Ulaz. He rests his hand to Ulaz’s chest as Ulaz pulled him onto his lap, not caring about the mess the slick was making. Hands were on the underside of his ass tenderly caressing. He brought their lips together once again.

Ulaz was clearly experienced. He knew exactly how and where to touch to have Shiro clinging to him, begging for more. Shiro buried his face in Ulaz’s neck when Ulaz picked up where he left off caressing Shiro’s nipples. His hands were gentle as they traveled down Shiro’s body and squeezed his ass. Shiro cried out, surprised by how sensitive he was.

He didn’t want to be too loud. He wasn’t sure if the walls were thick enough to block out the noise he was making. He found himself sucking on Ulaz’s neck to keep his mouth busy. He knew he was onto something when he felt Ulaz shiver in his arms. He got a little bolder and bit down enough to make Ulaz moan and lifted his head to give Shiro move room to work. Shiro threads his fingers through Ulaz’s hair giving it a little tug.

Then a finger brushed past his ass and circled his leaking entrance. He gasped pushing back against Ulaz’s hand. The slick sound of Ulaz’s finger going in an out was enough to make his toes curl.

“More,” Shiro begged. “I can take it.”

Ulaz took his time, not caring how much Shiro insisted he was ready. Ulaz had not planned to penetrate him. There was still the matter of bonding to worry about, and he didn’t want to bond with Shiro in this way. He wanted Shiro to be able to choose someone he cared about to bond to. This was about helping him through his heat so he could go back to normal quicker.

He laid Shiro face down on his stomach and straddled him. He spread Shiro open and inhaled deeply as his scent filled the room. He was breathing heavy, trying to figure out what he should do next. Shiro keened and begged him to hurry up.

“Touch me,” Shiro arched his back and gave his ass a slap to temp Ulaz.

It worked.

Ulaz decided on frotting. It would satisfy both of them. Ulaz let his cock slip between Shiro’s slick covered flesh. Pleasure zipped up his spine and he moaned when Shiro rocked back against him.

Shiro was whimpering and moaning, “More, please, I need,” And Ulaz knew what he meant. He grasped Shiro’s side and thrust harder. Shiro melted into the bed. The ridges on the underside of Ulaz’s cock felt good against his entrance and ass. But he was still so hot, and so desperate to have something inside him.

Once or twice the tip of Ulaz’s cock caught on his entrance and Shiro’s toes curled. And he was so soft and open that Ulaz could slip the tip in if he wasn’t careful. But it felt so good he couldn’t help but moan. Ulaz was also getting lost in sensation. He wanted to keep thrusting. Pleasure sparked at the bottom of his spine and buzzed through his body.

“Ulaz, ah, more, keep going,” Shiro was quivering under him. He looked back at Ulaz, face flushed with desire, stars dancing his skin. His bangs all over his face as he called to Ulaz so sweetly. For a second Ulaz forgot himself feeling nothing but bliss. Shiro’s mouth opened and he let out a sound Ulaz had never heard before.

“Oh my,” Ulaz groaned. He realized that he slipped into Shiro and that bliss he was feeling was from being in such tight heat. Shiro’s eyes closed in satisfaction when he finally got what he wanted. Grant it, Ulaz had slipped in by accident, but it was exactly what he’d been craving since his heat started.

His heart was hammering in his chest and he could tell Ulaz was unsure of what to do.

“It’s okay,” Shiro told him. “You can keep going.”

Ulaz started to pull out, and they both moaned. This was a bad idea. He should stick to what he had planned and pull out. But then Shiro rocked back against him and that was all it took. He buried himself back in Shiro tight, slick, hole.

“Just like that,” Shiro pleaded. Ulaz was hitting all the right spots, drowning Shiro in ecstasy. His body was alight with pleasure, shaking and craving release. His hips moved on their own. He was trying to keep pace with Ulaz. All he could do was lay there and grip the sheets as he took it.

He wasn’t going to last much longer. He’d been so pent up over the last few days that he was desperately trying to stave off his orgasm. But Ulaz felt so good inside him. Slipping into the most intimate part of him, fucking him into the mattress, pounding his prostate. Shiro’s cock twitched against the sheets, and his thighs quivered.

“Oh God, Ulaz,” Shiro cried out. “Fuck me harder. I need you, to do it harder.”

Ulaz let out a snarl as he braced himself to do just that. Ulaz was mindful of his knot, making sure it didn’t slip in as he worked Shiro to his peak. More than anything, it spurred him forwards. He watched the way Shiro tensed and moved completely unabashed, trusting Ulaz with his body. His sexy, succulent body.

He held onto Shiro’s hip and pound into him, making sure to rest all his weight towards his groin for when he thrust back in. At some point Shiro had gone quiet only letting out the occasional, “More, don’t stop.” His eyes were rolling in the back of his head as his body was consumed by a natural high.

“Come,” Shiro’s voice trembled. “Fill me up.” That was so unexpected that Ulaz found himself coming at Shiro’s command. He shook through his orgasm and Shiro let out one last wail has he came. His thighs quivering from over stimulation when Ulaz didn’t stop moving. His hips slapping against Shiro desperately wanting to knot him, but he was too far past that point even if he wanted to.

Shiro let wave after wave of euphoria wash over him. Ulaz was still coming, hot thick streams inside of Shiro. He’d never felt this good. But Ulaz pulled out earlier than Shiro would have liked and coated Shiro’s back with cum.

“Are you okay?” Ulaz asked as he came back to himself.

“More than okay,” Shiro’s face was still to the bed, but Ulaz heard him just fine.

“I’ll get something to-” Ulaz didn’t finish what he was going to say because Shiro was beckoning him back to his side.

“Stay with me a little longer?” Shiro asked. Ulaz agreed easily. Shiro tucked up next to him, not caring about the mess as he pulled the blanket over them. Both knew there was more to this than they were willing to say, but for now, it was easier to enjoy each other’s company as they basked in the last of their afterglow.

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go!  
> I'll see you guys then ^^


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Zarkon injured they move forward with their plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for all the late replies to comments. I have a viral infection that feels like the flu and just started looking at my screens a few days ago. I know it's like, "wait wasn't ryan sick before. This happens a lot?" I do get sick easily but I try to keep on schedule with posting. 
> 
> So without further ado, here's the last chapter to Part 2 of the Caged Within Series. 
> 
> Enjoy

Kolivan didn’t say anything the next day when Shiro reeked of Ulaz. He did look to his subordinate in question, but Ulaz kept dodging his glances.

 Antok used to defuse these kinds of situation with sarcastic comments when they were in private. But that may not happen for a few quintants, if ever. But he had to push that aside and focus on the task at hand. 

Some of his other subordinates had sent information that they gathered. He needed to move on to the next phase. It meant having to leave Antok in the care of the Paladins. They may have worked a together successfully, but he can’t leave his mate in these people’s care. The Black Paladin seemed reliable, but he wasn’t sure about the others. He was sure they were still cubs for their species, despite the fact that they were warriors. He didn’t trust them to handle this added responsibility.

But what could he do? He had a secret organization to run. He couldn’t be distracted. He was the leader. He had to make the hard choices even if that meant leaving Antok behind. He knew Antok would understand, but it didn’t bring him any comfort.

First, they had to take care of transporting Sendak. Kolivan didn’t want to chance the Paladins having to deal with him alone. He had six of his men assist in restraining Sendak and bringing him through the castle. It was a very tense moment. Sendak was being cooperative. He kept looking to Shiro like he thought he would speak up for him.

He looked a little smug considering the circumstances. It made it enjoyable to watch his face fall when he got close enough to smell Shiro and know he’d been with someone else. It was a mix of shock and hurt. Kolivan wasn’t going to try to understand what was going through Sendak’s head. But he did have respect for Shiro keeping his head held high despite their history.

“You’re going to let them do this?” Sendak asked when they got to the docking bay.

“We gave you a chance to bargain,” Shiro told him.

“And you forced information from me regardless.” Sendak growled in his chest, making sure to show his teeth. Shiro flinched and took a step back.

“I gave you a chance,” Shiro said despite his wavering voice. He crossed his arm to hide his shaking hands. “After everything you’ve done in the name of the Empire you’re going to see the consequences of your action. The people you’ve wronged will be the ones to decide your punishment.”

“Takashi,” Sendak changed tactics and soften his tone. “Let’s be reasonable. Anywhere you send me will put me to death.”

“I gave you a chance.” Shiro repeated “And you said you were willing to die for Zarkon. There isn’t any more I can do.”

“What if I told you I knew more than what you got out of me?”

“We used truth serum on you,” Shiro said. “I doubt there’s more to know.”

“We have what?” Lance asked. “If all you did was drug him then why couldn’t we-”

“You didn’t ask the right questions,” Sendak said confidently. “I was First Commander to Zarkon. I know more about his and High Priestess Hagar’s plans than anyone.”

“It’s been too long for anything you know to be of value,” Allura scrutinized.

“I worked with them long enough to know their patterns and how they go about achieving their goal. I’m also one of the few who was privileged enough to know the exact details of their long term missions. I can be very useful.”

“How can we trust your information,” Kolivan pressed. “I know what a man looks like when they’re only trying to avoid death, and you look desperate.”

“You said so yourself, I can’t go back disgraced. They’ll kill me no matter what I say.”

“If you’re willing to work with us then I am willing to hear you out. But you’ve lost the privilege of being handled by Voltron. You will answer to me and my men. We will house you and contain you until we know if your information is worth something. No harm will come to you while you are with us. Though I must warn you, if you step out of line, if your information is false, if you mislead us, I will not hesitate to turn you over to the planetary leaders who wish to see you answer for your crimes.”

“I can agree to those terms,” Sendak said.

“We’re gonna let him go?” Pidge asked. “After all that?”

“Right now, he’s useful to us,” Shiro explained.

“What happens when he runs out of information?” Hunk asked from the back of the group. There was no way he was getting too close to Sendak. He might be cuffed but he was still fearful of what he could do.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Shiro said. “For now, we’ll accept his help.”

“Thank you,” Sendak gave a slow blink and a purr in Shiro’s direction.

“Get him out of here,” Kolivan ordered. A few of his men escorted Sendak away and locked him down on their ship before taking off. There was a collective sigh of relief when he was finally off the ship.

“I take it you’ll be leaving soon as well?” Allura asked Kolivan.

“Yes,” Kolivan answered. “I have much to prepare.” He looked to Shiro. “I’ll entrust Antok to you for the time being.”

“I’ll make sure he’s taken care of,” Shiro promised him. “The pod finally gave an estimated time he’ll be ready to come out. Coran has been preparing for the care he’ll need afterward. We’ll keep you in the loop every step of the way.”

They left the docking bay and Shiro accompanied Kolivan as he grabbed the last of his personal items. None of the Blades carried many things on them, but they did have a notable amount of gear.

“Thank you,” Kolivan said. “I’m going to request that your Princess lets one of my agents stay on the ship to act as a liaison. Normally I would consider Ulaz, but I don’t want to reward him after his previous actions.”

“Don’t be too hard on him,” Shiro said despite Kolivan’s obvious aggravation. “I know he broke protocol freeing me, but he’s dedicated to the cause. Freeing me was also a means to an end for him.”

“Explain,” Kolivan wasn’t following. Shiro forgot that the ships translators weren’t the best. They were out of date and still catching up to the new dialect.

“He was undercover for a long time. Everything was starting to get to him. I’m not saying he can’t handle high-stress missions, but being undercover in that role, for that long will get to anyone. I was only one of the many he had to hurt, and I’m also one of the few who survived. I know he believes that the ends are worth the means. But there’s a difference between fighting the enemy and working within them.”

“You think he couldn’t take it?”

“I’m not calling him weak,” Shiro clarified, “But I do think the experience affected him more than he’s willing to say. When he talks about his time there he’s either expressing guilt or distancing himself emotionally. He needed to escape, and I was the excuses to do so.”

Kolivan looked amused and chuckled before saying, “I might not know Ulaz’s motivations for deserting, but the last thing you are to him is an excuse. I’ll take your words into consideration when deciding proper punishment.”

Shiro nodded following Kolivan out as he went to gather the rest of his Blades so they could leave. Allura agreed staying in contact was key to coordination, but still wasn’t keen to having a Blade member on the ship.

“We can always use the video transmission,” Allura reasoned.

“Your line is not secure, and we do not have enough time to alter it to be so,” Kolivan said.

“Antok will be here after he’s healed,” Allura said. “I don’t see a reason to-”

“We’ll need someone who actually knows what they’re doing when it comes to galra anatomy,” Shiro reasoned.

“I was thinking of leaving Ulaz behind,” Kolivan said. “He’s well trained in medical practices, and he’s one of the few doctors that knows how to handle your Paladin’s species.”

Ulaz’s ear perked when he heard that he would get to stay on the Castle of Lions. He was trying not to show he was excited but Shiro could tell.

“I guess it’s fine,” Allura agreed.

“We’ll keep in touch,” Shiro grasped Kolivan’s arm in what he’d learn was a galra symbol of trust.

“Before you go I have something to ask,” Keith stepped forwards.

“What’s up,” Shiro asked. But Keith was looking to Kolivan. “I have this knife. I got it from my father and he said it was my mother’s.” He held up his knife and pulled the wrapping off the handle to show the Marmora symbol.

“Where did you-” Kolivan started to say but Thace interrupted him.

“I’m pretty sure he said it was his mothers,” Thace said.

“I know I’m part galra,” Keith said. “I didn’t know until I joined Voltron, but I know now, and I want answers. I want to know what you know about my mother.”

Kolivan frowned sympathetically before telling Keith, “Our secrets are only for our members. I can’t tell you anything without risking our security.”

Shiro followed along with the conversation, choosing not to interrupt. He wanted to give Keith a chance to advocate for himself, but he was also confused. Why hadn’t Keith come to him with this? How had he not noticed what had been going on with him until now? Had he been so caught up in his own problems that he’d been ignoring the other?

He wasn’t like that before the Empire captured him. He had been an empathic person. He was able to reach out and help others despite his own struggles. The more he thought about it, the more he wasn’t liking the kind of person he was becoming.

“But we work alongside you now,” Keith protested. There was a snap to his voice, the tone he gets when he’s frustrated. “There has to be something you can tell me.”

“I’m sorry,” Kolivan said. “But these rules have governed us for years and kept our organization safe. I can’t risk telling more than what is needed.”

“What if I became a member?” Keith asked. “If I went through the trials of Marmora then you could tell me, right?”

“How do you know about the trials?” Kolivan glared at Ulaz.

“I didn’t tell him everything,” Ulaz said. “Only what was necessary.”

“You knew he was going to ask about this and you didn’t say anything?” Shiro was calm when he turned to him. But Ulaz knew that calm. He knew that under his façade Shiro was livid, but holding it in to not cause more chaos. He didn’t need the Paladin’s and the Princess feeding off his rage.

“I wasn’t keeping it from you,” Ulaz explained. “He asked me not to tell you.”

“I did,” Keith agreed. “And Ulaz didn’t tell me anything besides that the trials to join were strenuous. But I can take it. I want to do this, if you’ll let me.”

“How ‘strenuous’ are we talking?” Shiro’s tone was similar to when Ulaz saw him stand up for another prisoner. He stood tall, back straight, chin high, his stance firm. “I don’t want him getting hurt. His questions are probably things you could answer without giving away any secrets.”

“I cannot bend the rules,” Kolivan told him.

“Then I’ll go through the trials,” Keith said.

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” Hunk jumped in. “Let’s not forget that their mantra is, “Knowledge or Death.” What if you don’t survive it? Or you do survive it and you end up seriously injured? Or too injured to fly red lion and we have to find a new Paladin? That could take forever and Zarkon could recover by then and make a comeback.”

“If I made it through everything up to this point then I can survive the trials.”

“You should take some time to think about this,” Shiro said. “I won’t stop you no matter what you decide, but it would give me peace of mind to know you’re not jumping into this.”

“I’ve put a lot of thought into this,” Keith assured him. “Shiro, this is something I have to do.”

Shiro frowned but he nodded. He could hear Allura and the other about to protest them and said, “It has to be his decision.”

“You’ve proven yourself to be a worthy fighter of the rebellion. I won’t object to you making an attempt to pass the trials. I only ask that as you proceed that you consider if you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

Shiro knew there was no stopping him. Keith had a hard time coping with the loss of his parents. He never knew his mom and his father died in a fire trying to save a family from a burning building. He never thought he would have an opportunity to be able to find out more about where he came from. There was no way Keith was going to step down from this challenge if it meant he could get answers.

“You would have to come back with us to our main base to take part in the trails,” Kolivan told him.

“How long would he have to be gone?” Shiro asked.

“The journey there would only be a few varga, but once we enter we won’t be able to leave for another two quintant.”

“Your own base, locks you in?” Allura questioned.

“It’s for security reasons. It ensured who comes and goes and when. That way we can’t be ambushed.”

“Only two days?” Shiro brought the conversation back to where they left off. If it was only a short amount of time, then he could afford to step away for a little bit. “I’m coming with you,” Shiro said.

“I can do this myself,” Keith said firmly.

“I know you can,” Shiro wasn’t trying to belittle him, “but I’m not letting you go through this alone.”

“We’re all going on a field trip then?” Lance asked.

“No,” Kolivan said. “I’ll let the two of you come, but that’s the limit.”

“I can live with that,” Shiro said. “Do you mind?” He looked to the other realizing that he hadn’t asked the other how they felt about him leaving.

“If it’s for a short while then I guess it will be fine,” Allura said.

“We’re taking a break, right?” Hunk asked. “So, it’s not like we’re battling anyone or anything for a while.”

“I guess it’s fine,” Pidge shrugged.

“I kind of wanted to see Keith attempt to join, but if only you can go it’s whatever,” Lance said.

With the okay of the other, Keith turned to Kolivan and had only one question, “When do we leave?”

~.~.~.~.~

Shiro packed a quick overnight bag to take with him. He had a change of clothes and some snacks. Keith had also packed light. His hands kept twisting the strap to his bag the closer they got to the base.

“Good luck,” Ulaz said as they got ready to leave. Kolivan had ordered him to say behind with the Paladins. 

“Thanks,” Keith said curtly.

“Take care of things while I’m gone.” Shiro and Ulaz locked eyes. They hadn’t had a chance to talk about what had happened last night and now wasn’t the time either. But Shiro would be gone for a while. They wouldn’t get to talk about it anytime soon.

“I’ll do my best,” Ulaz said. With the other Paladins and his superiors around them what they wanted to say would remain unexpressed. He knows last night he convinced himself that what happened between them was something to ease Shiro’s symptoms, but with what was said yesterday, and the way things had progressed, there may be more to Shiro’s feeling than he assumed. And he couldn’t deny the emotions that stirred in his chest when he woke up with Shiro in his arms, hair a mess and smiling up at him as he bid him good morning.

But they would get to talk about it later. Until then he was to act as the Blades liaison. Truth be told he wasn’t too excited about being the only galra on the ship. Even after everything he can still feel the Princess eyes on him. Or maybe she was watching Keith instead.

No one was taking the idea of him being half galra well. Keith was ignoring it for the moment being, but Ulaz now understood what Keith meant when he cornered him all that time ago. No one had said anything, but there was a shift in the mood.

“I left their training regimen with Coran. Make sure they don’t skip it and that Allura doesn’t change it. They’re not ready for the more advanced stuff yet.”

“I don’t have that much authority here, but I’m sure Coran will make sure to take care of them.”

“I’m worried because Allura wants to end this as soon as possible and doesn’t seem to always realize that we have limits. Pidge, Hunk, and Lance are coming along but they’re not as advanced in their training.”

“Of course, she’s eager to end it,” Kolivan said. Shiro hadn’t realized that he had been listening. “The Alteans were one of the main parties in the conflict leading up to the war. She probably feels a responsibility to right the wrongs of her family.”

“What did they do that was so bad?” Shiro asked.

“You never told them what started all this?” Kolivan looked to Allura who was suddenly defensive.

“It doesn’t matter at this point. Zarkon is without a doubt our enemy. Dredging up the past wouldn’t do any good. They should be focused on bonding with their lions and each other.”

“That sounds like you’re covering something up,” Hunk added.

“There’s no point in getting into it now,” Allura said.

“It could help,” Keith said. “I mean, it can’t be all bad. Zarkon did use to be the Black Paladin. He had to be trusted at some point.”

“What makes you think that?” Lance asked.

Keith sighed as he explained that the reason Zarkon was able to take the Black Lion back when they had to rescue Allura. They had all been shocked when Black Lion ejected Shiro in favor of Zarkon. But it had to mean that Zarkon and Black Lion at one point shared a bond.

“There’s no point in dredging up the past,” Allura said again. “Explaining what happened won’t do any good to the situation. It will only raise tension and doubt.”

“But they should know of Zarkon, and what he and Hagar truly are and why they are so strong and where that power came from. Otherwise, you’re sending your Paladins into battle woefully unprepared. You may as well be sending them to their death.” Kolivan reasoned.

“We deserve to know what we’re up against,” Shiro agreed. Normally he wouldn’t push but Kolivan made it sound like there was a lot more going on then what they first thought. Before that Ulaz made it sound like it was important, and Coran had dodged the question.

“I don’t see how it will help,” Allura was cross.

“We’re not going to be mad at you over whatever happened,” Shiro said gently. “I know you weren’t personally in power and whatever transpired wasn’t your decisions to make. But it might help us if we got the whole story.”

“I don’t think…” Allura started to say but Coran put a hand on her shoulder.

“Maybe it’s time,” Coran said. “We’ve waited long enough.”

“We have a bit of time before we have to disembark,” Shiro said. He’d been wanting to get to the bottom of this for a while now. But he also had a feeling if he asked Kolivan after Keith was done with the trails, that he would explain it.

With a heavy sigh Allura finally caved, “Fine, I’ll tell you about the war.”

Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that the end of that part!
> 
> Thank you so much for all your comments, and kudos and bookmarks. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it! There's more to come. I have two more parts planned out and the third part should be ready to be posted in about two to three months. I just also have some superbat stuff that needs working on, not to mention some oneshot voltron fics that should be done soon. I also have an art Exhibition that I need to get ready for, but I'm super excited about this next part so I'll try to have it done as soon as I can.
> 
> I'll see you soon!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I you guys like it so far!  
> Drop me comment and let me know what you think! I love hearing from you guys ^^


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